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Tag Archives: Bible

Sending Them Off

Jesus Discourses with His Disciples (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What? Jesus is sending His disciples away? You’d think after they were mean to him in his own hometown of Nazareth that He’d want to keep his disciples close by for support.

What do you mean, you want me to listen to a story? Jesus is all alone now. Where’s the story?

What do you mean, Jesus is never alone?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus called his twelve disciples to Him and He gave them power and authority to drive out demons and to cure diseases, and He sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick.

***

You mean now the disciples could do all that miracle stuff that Jesus did?

You mean they can get me some fish?

But what would they need Jesus for if they could do it themselves?

They needed His authority? I don’t get it.

I’m listening.

***

Jesus told the disciples to take nothing for the journey – no bag, no bread, no money, and no extra tunic.

***

How are they going to eat? I’m getting hungry thinking about it.

I don’t need that stuff they’re leaving behind because you feed me, but what about them? You’re not going to feed them too, are you?

I am listening.

***

Jesus told the disciples that the worker is worth his keep. When they entered a town or village they were to find a worthy person and stay at his house until they left that place.

***

Now I get it. They would go heal people and preach about God so someone would feed them because they were doing that.

But what happens if they can’t find anyone to do that? Would they be like stray dogs then?

***

Jesus said that if the people didn’t welcome them they were to shake the dust off their feet when they left as a testimony against them.

***

Shake the dust off their feet? Is that kind of like when I kick up dust to cover my business?

11 Comments

Posted by Bongo on June 16, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, Disciple (Christianity), dogs, faith, God, Jesus, Nazareth, Pets, Religion and Spirituality

A Prophet in His Hometown

09 Jun

What do you mean, you’re going to tell me a short story? I can stretch out a story for a long time. There’s no such thing as a short Bible story for me.

I’m going to ask lots of questions, so don’t think I’m not listening when you tell me the story.

***

Jesus went to his hometown of Nazareth and his disciples went with him.

***

Was Jesus going to a big family reunion?

Of course I’m listening. I told you I was going to ask lots of questions.

***

When the Sabbath came…

***

What’s the Sabbath? I’ll listen if you tell me.

***

The Sabbath is a day to rest and to worship God. So when the Sabbath came Jesus began to teach in the synagogue and many who heard Him were amazed.

***

I would be amazed if I heard Jesus too.

What do you mean, that’s not a question?

***

The people couldn’t figure out how Jesus got such wisdom and could even perform miracles. After all, they knew Him when he was growing up.

The people said, “Isn’t this the carpenter? Isn’t this Mary’s son and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas, and Simon? Aren’t His sister’s here with us?” And…

***

It sounds like Jesus was having a big family reunion. He had a big family.

I shouldn’t always have to ask a question. I asked one last time.

***

the people of Nazareth took offense at Jesus.

***

That wasn’t very nice of them.

I am too listening.

***

Jesus said to the people, “Only in his hometown, among his relatives and in his own house is a prophet without honor.”

***

That’s why I don’t get any respect around here.

Do you know what those cats did?

***

Jesus couldn’t do any miracles in Nazareth, except lay hands on a few sick people and heal them, because of their lack of faith.

***

So you mean that even Jesus can’t do miracles if the people don’t have faith?

I have faith. I have faith that Jesus can make some fish appear for me.

Wait, you mean that’s the end of the story?

Can I ask another question?

10 Comments

Posted by Bongo on June 9, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, faith, Jesus, Nazareth, Question, Sabbath, Shabbat

English: Raising of Jairus’ Daughter by Wassilij Dimitriewitsch Polenow. Stamp of Russia, 2000, a commemorative issue for 2000th Anniversary of the Birth of Jesus Русский: 2000-летие Рождества Христова. Почтовая марка России 2000 года (серия из 4 марок и одного блока). Изображена картина Поленова «Воскрешение дочери Иаира» (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Jesus sure has been busy. He calmed a storm and sent a bunch of demons out of a man into a herd of pigs all in one day. I bet he’s going to go home and take a nap now.

What, no nap?

Oh yeah, I forgot. He already took a nap. In the boat while that storm was going on.

So what’s Jesus gonna do now?

***

Jesus went by boat back to the other side of the lake, to Capernaum. When he returned a large crowd welcomed him.

***

I bet that crowd was worried about the pigs that jumped into the water.

What? They didn’t care about those pigs? All that bacon?

Jesus’ people didn’t eat pigs? Well, at least they ate fish.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

While Jesus was by the lake a synagogue ruler named Jairus came and fell at Jesus’ feet. Jairus told Jesus that his little daughter was dying and he pleaded with Jesus to come heal her. So Jesus went with Jairus.

A large crowd followed Jesus and pressed around him, and a woman who had been bleeding for twelve years and had spent all her money on doctors who couldn’t heal her, came up behind Jesus and touched his cloak. She thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.”

***

Does Jesus have magic clothes, too?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

The woman’s bleeding stopped when she touched Jesus’ cloak and Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around and asked, “Who touched my clothes?”

The disciples told Jesus that the crowd was all around him, but Jesus kept looking around.

And the woman came and fell at his feet, and trembling with fear, she told him the truth.

Jesus said to her,”Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”

***

So if I have faith that I will get fish, will I get some?

I am listening.

***

While Jesus was still speaking some men came from Jairus’ house and told him his daughter was dead and he didn’t need to bother Jesus any more.

But Jesus said, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.”

Jesus would only let Peter, James, and John follow him and when they got to the house people were crying and wailing loudly.

***

I bet Jesus would have let me come too. I can wail really well.

I’m listening.

***

Jesus told them to stop wailing and said, “The child is not dead but asleep.”

All the people there laughed at him.

***

I bet if Jesus gave them some fish they’d stop laughing.

***

Jesus took the child’s father and mother and the three disciples with him to where the little girl was. He took her by the hand and said, “My child, get up!”

The little girl immediately stood up and Jesus gave orders not to let anyone know about this and told them to give her something to eat.

***

I bet that little girl isn’t very hungry yet. She’ll probably share some of her food with me.

11 Comments

Posted by Bongo on June 2, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Capernaum, Christianity, Daughter of Jairus, faith, healing, Jairus, Jesus, miracles, Pets

Drowning Pigs

26 May

After Jesus calmed that storm and they let some fish jump into their boat and had a fish feast…

What do you mean, I’m making that part up?

I know it doesn’t say anything in that part of the Bible about anybody eating fish, but you know they must have.

You can believe what you want. I prefer to believe that they ate fish – and invited me to the feast.

***

After Jesus calmed the storm they sailed to the other side of the Sea of Galilee, to the region of the Gerasenes.

And this dude came out to meet Jesus.

***

Didn’t lots of people come out to meet Jesus?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

This dude had an evil spirit and lived in the tombs. He had often been chained hand and foot but he broke the chains and no one was strong enough to subdue him. He would cry out night and day and cut himself with stones.

***

Wow, that’s some scary dude. If I was Jesus I’d run back to the boat and head back home.

He stayed there? Did he have his tail between his legs?

I am listening.

***

The man ran to Jesus and fell on his knees in front of him. He shouted at the top of his voice, “What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I beg you, don’t torture me!” For Jesus had commanded the evil spirit to come out of the man.

Jesus asked the man his name and the man said Legion, because many demons had gone into him.

***

That would be pretty squishy for all those demons to fit inside one man. I wonder how they got along with each other.

I’m listening, but I’ve got to make comments sometimes.

***

The demons begged Jesus not to send them into the Abyss. There was a large herd of pigs feeding on the hillside and the demons begged Jesus to let them go into the pigs. Jesus let them, and as soon as they went into the pigs, they rushed down the steep bank into the lake and were drowned.

***

What a waste of a lot of good bacon.

I can swim. Could I go retrieve some pigs?

Yes, I’ll listen.

***

The people tending the pigs ran off to report what had happened and people came to see what was going on. When the people came to meet Jesus they found the man who had been possessed by demons sitting there, dressed and in his right mind.

The people asked Jesus to leave because they were afraid.

The man Jesus had cured begged to go with him, but Jesus told him to return home and tell how much God had done for him. So that’s what the man did, and all the people were amazed.

***

You’re not done with the story are you?

What about those pigs?

13 Comments

Posted by Bongo on May 26, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, Demon, dogs, Fish, Jesus, Legion, Pets, Pig, Sea of Galilee

Bird Seed

12 May

Soil (Photo credit: arimoore)

Jesus told a story about bird seed?

He did too. He was by the lake and so many people came that he got in a boat and told them stories while they stood on the shore.

You know, those stories with two bulls in them – those pair a bulls.

But this story wasn’t about bulls, it was about bird seed.

***

A farmer went out to sow his seed. Some of the seed fell along the path and the birds came and ate it up.

***

See, I told you it was a story about bird seed.

What do you mean, there’s more to the story?

***

Some of the farmer’s seed fell in rocky places without much soil. It grew quickly, but when the sun came out the plants withered because they had no root.

***

I don’t get it. I understand bird seed – but rock seed?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Some of the seed fell among thorns which grew up and choked the plants.

***

Maybe the birds could eat the thorn seeds.

I am listening.

***

Some of the seed fell on good soil and produced a crop – a hundred, sixty, or thirty times what was sown.

***

I sure hope that crop was of something I like to eat.

There’s more to the story? I’ve still got to listen?

But I was getting ready to eat.

***

Jesus disciples asked him what the parable meant and He told them.

Jesus said that the seed is the word of God. Those on the path hear the word, but then the devil takes the word from their hearts so they won’t believe and be saved.

***

You mean those birds are the devil? I thought I saw a few birds looking at me with the evil eye.

***

Those on the rock receive the word with joy, but since they have no root they fall away when things get hard.

***

It’s really rocky where I live. I wonder if that takes everybody’s joy away. It takes mine away when a little rock gets stuck in my paw.

I am too listening.

***

The thorns are those who hear but worries, and money, and stuff become more important to them.

***

Does that include food?

***

The seed on the good soil stands for those who hear the word, understand it, stick with it, and produce a crop.

***

Oh, I get it now. When the word falls on good soil, that means more food.

Come on everybody, get away from that path, and those rocks, and the thorns. You’ve got to hang out on the good soil.

Get moving. I’m waiting for the food.

25 Comments

Posted by Bongo on May 12, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, dogs, Jesus, parable, Pets, Seed, Soil

Dinner at Last

05 May

Deutsch: Christus im Hause des Pharisäers, Jacopo Tintoretto, Escorial (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Finally! Jesus is going to dinner. I think I’ll tag along and pretend I’m his dog. They’ll have to let me in.

What do you mean they might not let dogs come? They let that lady come and she wasn’t even invited.

Yes, I’ll listen to the story.

***

A Pharisee named Simon invited Jesus to dinner.

***

I wonder if they’re having fish for dinner.

I’m listening – I’m listening.

***

A woman who’d lived a sinful life found out Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house. She showed up with an alabaster jar of perfume.

***

I hope they invited her in and gave her some fish.

I am too listening.

***

The woman stood at Jesus’ feet weeping. She began to wet His feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them, and poured perfume on them.

Simon the Pharisee thought to himself that if Jesus was really a prophet He would know that this woman who touched Him was a sinner.

***

I wouldn’t care who that woman was if I got loves. Maybe not on the feet though.

Can I get loves while I listen?

***

Jesus knew what Simon was thinking and He told Simon a story.

“Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both.”

Then Jesus asked Simon which of the two would love the moneylender more.

Simon replied that he thought it would be the one with the bigger debt canceled and Jesus told him he was right.

***

This is where Jesus gives Simon what for, isn’t it?

I am listening. I’m just trying to help you along.

***

Jesus told Simon that when He came into his house Simon hadn’t given him any water to wash His feet, but the woman had washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. Simon had not given Jesus a kiss, but the woman had not stopped kissing His feet. Simon had not put oil on Jesus’ head, but the woman poured perfume on His feet.

Jesus told the woman her many sins were forgiven because she had loved much. And He said that he who has been forgiven little loves little.

The other dinner guests began mumbling among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

***

Would Jesus forgive my sins? I’ll kiss His feet.

Oh wait, I forgot. I’m the perfect dog. I don’t have any sins to forgive.

***

Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

***

I think that woman should have kept hanging out. She probably would have gotten some fish. Oh well, that’s okay. All the more for me.

15 Comments

Posted by Bongo on May 5, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, dogs, faith, Forgiveness, Jesus, Pets, Pharisee, Simon, Sin

Say the Word

28 Apr

English: Jesus healing the servant of a Centurion by Paolo Veronese Source: http://www.artst.org/mannerism/veronese/ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Is Jesus having another fish dinner yet?

What do you mean, I’m out of luck? I know Jesus can have fish dinner whenever He wants.

Oh, He healed somebody else? But it was different than before?

I guess I’ll listen. I like miracles.

***

There was a Roman centurion in Capernaum who was highly thought of by the Jews. He loved the nation of Israel and had built a synagogue for them.

***

Did he give treats to the dogs?

Yes, I’m listening.

***

This centurion had a servant whom he valued highly who was sick and about to die. When he heard of Jesus he sent some of the elders of the Jews to Him, asking Him if he would heal the servant. The Jews told Jesus that the man deserved to have Him do this.

Jesus went with the men, but when he was near the house the centurion sent some friends to tell Jesus that he didn’t deserve to have him come under his roof, and that he hadn’t come himself because he didn’t feel worthy to come to Jesus.

***

Jesus could come to my house then.

As long as he brings fish, that is.

I am listening.

***

The centurion told Jesus to say the word, and his servant would be healed.

***

What if Jesus said the word and fish appeared?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus was amazed at this centurion and He turned to the crowd following Him and said, “I tell you the truth, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith.”

The men the centurion had sent returned to the house and found the servant well.

***

Good. Jesus is finished healing. I bet he’s hungry now. I think I’ll go hang around and see if I can get an invite to dinner.

21 Comments

Posted by Bongo on April 28, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Capernaum, Centurion, Christianity, dogs, faith, Fish, Israel, Jesus, Jews

Follow Me

14 Apr

Hey person, did Jesus ever get that hole in the roof fixed after he healed that guy who couldn’t walk?

What? The Bible doesn’t say anything about it? How am I supposed to sleep at night if I’m worried if there’s still a hole in the roof or not?

Jesus did what?

He signed up another disciple? Didn’t he have enough already?

Did this new disciple catch a lot of fish too?

I’ll listen if there’s fish.

There’s food in the story? Okay, I’ll listen.

***

In Jesus’ day the Israelites hated the Roman government that ruled over them because the Roman’s were very oppressive. They also hated the tax collectors because they were collecting taxes for the Roman government. These tax collectors were Jews who not only worked for the Roman government, but usually collected more tax than required and kept the extra for themselves.

***

What does that have to do with food?

The food is coming?

I’ll listen then.

***

Jesus saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector’s booth and he said to him, “Follow me.”

***

Why would Jesus want someone nobody liked on his team? Wouldn’t that put him at a disadvantage?

***

The food’s almost here?

I’ll listen then.

***

Matthew got up and followed Jesus and then invited Jesus to dinner at his house.

***

Do you think Matthew would invite me too?

I’ll listen, but do you mind if I drool while I’m listening?

I can’t help it if I drool, but if you give me a treat I might stop.

***

Matthew also invited a bunch of tax collectors and “sinners” to have dinner with them. Some of the religious people called Pharisees saw this and asked Jesus’ disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?”

***

I’d eat with them too as long as they shared their food – and gave me loves.

I am listening.

***

Jesus heard the Pharisee’s question and said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

***

Does that mean that Jesus still loves me even when I’m getting into mischief?

Woo woo! Jesus loves me! I hope he’ll bring me some fish.

18 Comments

Posted by Bongo on April 14, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, Disciple (Christianity), dogs, Jesus, Matthew, Pets, Pharisee, Tax collector

A Hole in the Roof

07 Apr

You’re what, person? Now that you told me about Jesus being raised from the dead that’s the end of the story, isn’t it?

It isn’t?

But you’re not going to tell it to me now? You mean I don’t get a Bible story this week?

You’re going to what? Tell me about more of Jesus’ miracles from before he died and rose again?

I like miracles.

***

Jesus had been traveling around Galilee and when he returned to his home in Capernaum so many people came that his whole house was full and even outside the door there was no room left.

Jesus preached to all those people.

***

Did he preach about how they could get more fish?

I was just asking.

***

While Jesus was preaching, four men came carrying a paralytic on a mat.

***

A what?

You mean he can’t move? Poor guy. At least that leper that Jesus healed could leap.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

The house was so crowded that the men couldn’t get the paralyzed man anywhere near Jesus. So they got up on the roof and made an opening in the roof above Jesus.

After digging through, they lowered the man on his mat into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus.

***

Wasn’t Jesus mad about the hole in the roof? What if it rained?

I’m listening.

***

Jesus saw the faith of the four men and said to the paralytic, “Friend, your sins are forgiven.”

***

If I jump through a hole in the roof and land at Jesus’ feet will he forgive my sins? Oh, I forgot. I don’t do anything wrong. It’s always Scratchy.

I am listening.

***

There were some teachers of the law in the crowd who were pretty upset when Jesus forgave the man’s sins because only God can forgive sins. But Jesus knew what they were thinking so He said to them, “Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’?”

Then Jesus said to the paralyzed man, “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.”

The man stood up, took his mat, and went home praising God.

***

Jesus told those teachers of the law a thing or two, didn’t he?

But there’s still one thing I want to know.

Who’s going to fix that hole in the roof?

14 Comments

Posted by Bongo on April 7, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Capernaum, Christianity, dogs, Galilee, healing, Jesus, paralytic, Pets, Sin

Leaping Away

10 Mar

Christ cleansing a leper by Jean-Marie Melchior Doze, 1864

Wait a minute, person. I’m almost finished with all that fish in the boat.

I had to work really hard to eat all that. It took me two weeks. There were a lot of fish.

Okay, I’m ready for another story now. Maybe about some water so I can wash all those fish down.

What? No water? You’re telling me a story about a man who leapt around all day?

He leaped everywhere and couldn’t stop leaping so he asked Jesus to heal him?

I leap around a lot too, but I don’t want Jesus to heal me. Leaping is fun.

Oh. The man didn’t leap, he had leprosy? What kind of a thing is that? It sounds like leaping to me.

***

The man had a really bad skin disease called leprosy. In Jesus’ day people with this disease had to stay far away from other people and if anyone started coming near to them they had to shout, “Unclean, unclean.”

***

Couldn’t they take a bath so they were clean again?

I’m listening.

***

Their disease was what made them unclean. People were afraid to touch them because they were concerned that they might get the disease too.

This man came and knelt before Jesus and said, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”

Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man.

***

Jesus touched him? I thought you said you couldn’t touch those people because you might get that leaping disease.

I am too listening.

***

Jesus said, “I am willing. Be clean!”

Immediately the leprosy left the man and he was healed.

***

Could that man still leap if he wanted to?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus told the man not to tell anyone, but to show himself to the priest. In those days lepers went to the priest when they were healed and the priest was the one who declared them clean.

But the man leaped around and told everyone what Jesus had done for him. Crowds of people came to have Jesus heal them and Jesus often had to withdraw into lonely places in order to pray.

***

Do you think any of those people who came to be healed brought any fish with them?

I know I ate a lot of fish. But I’m going to need some more tomorrow.

12 Comments

Posted by Bongo on March 10, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, Disease, dogs, Fish, Jesus, Leprosy, Lord, Pets, Religion and Spirituality