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Where’s the Rescue?

Cigoli [Public domain], via Wikimedia CommonsI’ve been waiting all week to find out what happened to Stephen after he was arrested.

The angels rescued him, right?

What do you mean, I have to listen to find out?

They did rescue him, didn’t they?

Okay, I’m listening.

***

Last week Stephen was seized and brought before the Sanhedrin and false witnesses were brought against him.

The high priest asked Stephen if these charges were true and Stephen gave them a speech, sharing Israel’s history and how it pointed to Jesus.

Then Stephen said, “You stiff-necked people, with uncircumcised hearts and ears! You are just like your fathers: You always resist the Holy Spirit! Was there ever a prophet your fathers did not persecute? They even killed those who predicted the coming of the Righteous One. And now you have betrayed and murdered him – you who have received the law that was put into effect through angels but have not obeyed it.”

***

I think Stephen might have made them mad.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

When they heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him.

***

That sounds like something a dog would do.

***

But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God.

“Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.”

***

Is Jesus going to send down some fish?

That would prove that Stephen saw him.

I am too listening.

***

At this they covered their ears and, yelling at the top of their voices, they all rushed at him, dragged him out of the city and began to stone him.

***

This doesn’t sound good.

Run Stephen, run!

***

Meanwhile, the witnesses laid their clothes at the feet of a young man named Saul.

While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.”

Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep.

***

What do you mean, Stephen wasn’t taking a nap?

***

And Saul was there, giving approval to his death.

***

If I ever see Saul, I’ll be gnashing my teeth.

Hey, do you think Saul had something to do with those tadpoles that disappeared a couple days ago on my trails?

 
2 Comments

Posted by on July 20, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Wind and Fire

Gebhard_Fugel_PfingtspredigtHey person, I’m still trying to figure out what those weird animals are you’ve been hanging out with all week.

I’m not ready for another Bible story.

If I listen will you tell me about the weird animals?

What do you mean, I have to take my chances?

But last week Jesus went up into heaven.

Isn’t the story over?

Okay, I’m listening.

***

When the day of Pentecost came, the disciples were all together in one place. Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting.

***

We had wind here today.

Do you think it was the same wind that blew on us and them?

I am listening.

***

They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them.

***

Somebody better get the fire hose!

What do you mean, listen to the story?

Are you going to get the fire hose, person?

***

All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them.

***

Did the Holy Spirit get the fire hose?

***

Now there were staying in Jerusalem God-fearing Jews from every nation under heaven. When they heard this sound, a crowd came together in bewilderment, because each one heard them speaking in his own language.

***

I bet some of them could even speak to dogs.

Yes, I’m listening.

I think I hear someone speaking my language.

***

Utterly amazed, they asked, “Are not all these men who are speaking Galileans? Then how is it that each of us hears them in his own native language? Parthians, Medes, and Elamites; residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia, Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya near Cyrene; visitors from Rome (both Jews and converts to Judaism); Cretans and Arabs – we hear them declaring the wonders of God in our own tongues!”

***

I wonder if the dogs from all those places speak the same language?

I am speaking – I mean listening.

***

Amazed and perplexed, they asked one another, “What does this mean?”

***

I bet if all those people could speak to their dogs it would all be explained.

 
11 Comments

Posted by on June 15, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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So Many Fish

James Tissot [Public domain], via Wikimedia CommonsI have been waiting for this story forever.

It’s about one of my favorite things.

Fish!

I bet Jesus was even better at making fish appear after He was resurrected.

Yes, of course I’m listening.

***

Afterward Jesus appeared again to His disciples, by the Sea of Tiberias. It happened this way: Simon Peter, Thomas (called Didymus), Nathanael from Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples were together. “I’m going out to fish,” Simon Peter told them, and they said, “We’ll go with you.”So they went out and got into the boat…

***

Hey, wait for me!

I am too listening.

***

But that night they caught nothing.

***

Don’t tell them I ate all the fish already.

I was just hoping they’d catch more.

***

Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.

He called to them, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?”

“No,” they answered.

***

I hope Jesus doesn’t know I was swimming in the lake eating the fish.

***

Jesus said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.”

***

Here I go! Off to the right side of the boat.

***

When they threw their net over they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish.

***

Hey guys, I’ll help you with those fish.

I’m listening. I’m listening.

***

Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish…

***

…and one dog.

***

…for they were not far from shore, about a hundred yards. When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread.

***

All that fish and bread too!?

***

Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish you have just caught.”

***

Oops!

Jesus will understand that I ate mine – won’t He?

***

Simon Peter climbed aboard and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.”

***

They are sharing, aren’t they?

I mean, that’s a lot of fish.

***

None of the disciples dared ask Him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. This was now the third time Jesus appeared to His disciples after He was raised from the dead.

***

That must have been a dream come true for those disciples.

But since we don’t have any fish here there’s something I need to know.

When’s Jesus coming to my house?

 
10 Comments

Posted by on May 18, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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It’s Not Over Yet

Jesus Crucifixion

Photo taken by Kabir Bakie at the Cincinnati Zoo

Hey person, I’ve been worried all week about what’s going to happen to Jesus.

You ended the story too soon.

They arrested Him, but I don’t know what happened after that.

He didn’t do anything wrong.

They let Him go, didn’t they?

What!?

They didn’t!

Those garbaldy goo good for nothing people that arrested Him. I’ll give them what for.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus was put on trial and even though Pilate, the Roman governor, didn’t find anything he’d done wrong the Jews wanted Him crucified.

So Pilate finally agreed and sent Jesus to be crucified.

***

I’m giving Pilate what for too!

I am listening.

***

Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with Jesus to be executed.

When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified Him, along with the criminals – one on His right, the other on His left. Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

***

I don’t get it. They just nailed Jesus to a cross and He wants to forgive them?

I’m gonna give them all what for.

I’m listening. I’m listening.

***

And they divided up Jesus’ clothes by casting lots.

***

It’s too bad I don’t wear clothes, or I’d give Him some of mine.

***

The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at Him. They said, “He saved others; let Him save Himself if He is the Christ of God, the Chosen One.”

***

Those rulers better watch it. If Jesus doesn’t give them what for I sure will.

***

The soldiers also came up and mocked Him. They offered him wine vinegar and said “If you are the king of the Jews, save yourself.”

There was a written notice above Him, which read: THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS.

***

How come those people don’t believe what they’re reading?

They should be worshipping The King of the Jews.

***

One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at Him: “Aren’t you the Christ? Save yourself and us!”

But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.

***

I don’t get it. The only man who is making any sense is hanging on a cross along with Jesus.

***

Then the man said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”

Jesus answered him, “I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.”

***

I bet that upset all the people who were giving Jesus a bad time.

I’m listening.

***

It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, for the sun stopped shining.

***

That was what time?

The middle of the day?

***

And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When He had said this He breathed His last.

***

What!?

That’s not how the story’s supposed to end.

It doesn’t end there?

Okay, I’m listening.

***

The centurion, seeing what had happened, praised God and said, “Surely this was a righteous man.”

***

That’s it!?

That’s the end?

Oh. It’s not over yet?

What do you mean, I have to wait till next Sunday to hear the rest of the story?

This is gonna be a long week.

 
16 Comments

Posted by on April 13, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Berries too Early

Bongo checking out a manzanita bush with berriesWhat’s this?

These aren’t supposed to be here yet.

What are berries doing while it’s still winter?

All the other Manzanita bushes still look like this.

.

.

.

.

Bongo next to a manzanita bush full of blossoms

What? You can’t tell the difference?

Well then, check this out.

Manzanita blossoms

Blossoms.

All the other bushes are still covered in blossoms.

So where did all these berries come from?

I’d better do something to hide these berries from my person.

Bongo in front of the bush with berries

If she sees them she’ll have her camera out in no time.

And she’s going to have plenty of time to take pictures of berries without starting now.

Hey person, look over there.

Don’t look this way.

There’s nothing interesting here.

Person, what is your camera doing out?

What could you possibly find here to take pictures of?

Manzanita Berries

This is going to be a long picture taking season.

***

Bongo Fact: Manzanita means Little Apple

Can you tell why these bushes are named Manzanita?

 
19 Comments

Posted by on March 5, 2014 in Bongo, dogs, humor

 

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Riding a Colt

Jesus riding a donkey into JerusalemHey person, I’ve been listening to all these Bible stories that promise me treats and I’m still waiting for my treats.

What do you mean, there’s no treats in this story?

Then what’s the use of listening.

There’s an animal in the story?

Okay, I guess I’ll listen.

***

Jesus and His disciples were approaching Jerusalem and came to Bethpage and Bethany at the Mount of Olives. Jesus sent two of His disciples, saying to them, “Go to the village ahead of you, and just as you enter it, you will find a colt tied there, which no one has ever ridden.

***

I could chase after that colt for them.

You know, like I tried to chase after those horses we saw on my trails?

Just don’t keep holding onto my leash this time.

I am listening.

***

Jesus said, “Untie the colt and bring it here. If anyone asks you, ‘Why are you doing this?’ tell him, ‘The Lord needs it and will send it back here shortly.’”

***

Is Jesus going to chase after that colt?

***

The disciples went and found a colt outside in the street, tied at a doorway. As they untied it, some people standing there asked, “What are you doing, untying that colt?”

***

Isn’t that inhumane treatment of animals to keep them tied up?

Those disciples were just being nice to that colt.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

The disciples answered as Jesus had told them to, and the people let them go.

***

Jesus must have been a popular guy.

***

When they brought the colt to Jesus and threw their cloaks over it, He sat on it. Many people spread their cloaks on the road, while others spread branches they had cut in the fields.

***

I don’t get it. Now the colt and the road must be really warm, but if the people took off their cloaks aren’t they shivering?

***

Those who went ahead and those who followed shouted, “Hosanna!”

“Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!”

Blessed is the coming kingdom of our father David!”

Hosanna in the highest!”

***

I guess Jesus was a popular guy. Those people must have been so busy shouting that they didn’t notice they were cold.

***

Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples!”

“I tell you,” Jesus replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”

***

I think I heard one of those stones crying out when we were on my trails.

It was not a bird.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on March 2, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Eeny Mina Miny Treat

Parable of the 10 minasI’ve been trying to climb a tree ever since I heard the story last week about Zacchaeus in the tree.

Scratchy is useless.

He’s supposed to teach me how to climb and he won’t even leave the house.

Okay, I’m not getting anywhere with the tree thing, I might as well listen to the next story.

Maybe this story will be about treats.

***

Jesus told a parable because he was near Jerusalem and the people thought that the kingdom of God was going to appear at once.

***

Do dogs get treats when the kingdom of God appears? Because if they do I’m voting for it to appear at once.

I am listening.

***

Jesus said, “A man of noble birth went to a distant country to have himself appointed king and then to return. So he called ten of his servants and gave them ten minas.”

***

What are minas? Are they like treats?

***

“’Put this money to work,’ the man said, ‘until I come back.”

***

Oh, it’s money. Well, I can pretend they’re treats.

***

“But the man’s subjects hated him and sent a delegation after him to say, ‘We don’t want this man to be our king.’”

***

He must have been stingy with his treats.

I’m listening. How do you think I know what the man is doing?

***

“He was made king, however, and returned home. Then he sent for the servants to whom he had given the treats money, in order to find out what they had gained with it.

The first one came and said, ‘Sir, your mina treat has earned ten more.’”

***

Woo woo! Treats for everybody!

***

“’Well done, my good servant!’ his master replied. ‘Because you have been trustworthy in a very small matter, take charge of ten cities.’

“The second came and said, ‘Sir, your mina treat has earned five more.’”

***

And more treats for everybody. It’s a real party!

***

“Then another servant came and said, ‘Sir, here is your mina; I have kept it laid away in a piece of cloth. I was afraid of you, because you are a hard man. You take out what you did not put in and reap what you did not sow.’”

***

What a loser. He’s not even invited to the party.

***

“His master replied, ‘I will judge you by your own words, you wicked servant! You knew, did you, that I am a hard man, taking out what I did not put in, and reaping what I did not sow? Why then didn’t you put my money on deposit, so that when I came back, I could have collected it with interest?’”

***

He could have left that mina treat with me.

I would have deposited a lot of slobber on it.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

“Then he said to those standing by, ‘Take his mina treat away from him and give it to the one who has ten minas treats.’

‘Sir,’ they said, ‘he already has ten!’

***

I’ll eat some!

***

He replied, ‘I tell you that to everyone who has, more will be given, but as for the one who has nothing, even what he has will be taken away. But those enemies of mine who did not want me to be king over them – bring them here and kill them in front of me.’”

***

I know who I’m hanging out with.

That guy who has eleven minas treats has plenty to share.

***

After Jesus had said this, He went on ahead, going up to Jerusalem.

***

Hey Jesus, where did that guy with all the treats go?

 
8 Comments

Posted by on February 23, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Climbing a Tree

Zacchaeus being called down from the treeWhat?

You’re telling me there’s a song that goes with this Bible story?

But you won’t let me post it because it might irritate some of my friends?

Oh, it’s a kid’s song?

What about a dog song? Woo woo!

I’m still waiting for Jesus to give me extra treats.

Okay, I’ll listen to the story.

But if I don’t like it I’m gonna start singing.

.

***

Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy.

***

I bet Zacchaeus has some extra treats for me.

What? Nobody liked tax collectors?

Then he really needs to give me some treats.

I’ll like him if he gives me treats.

I am listening.

***

Zacchaeus wanted to see who Jesus was, but being a short man he could not, because of the crowd. So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way.

When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly.

***

Okay, now I’ve got it.

In order to get Jesus’ attention you’ve got to be up in a tree.

Sounds easy enough.

Oh wait. What do I do?

I don’t know how to climb a tree.

Scratchy, come here. Now!

I need you to give me tree climbing lessons.

I’ll listen – as soon as I get up in this tree.

***

All the people saw this and began to mutter, “Jesus has gone to be the guest of a sinner.”

***

I guess Jesus had better think twice about who’s house he visits.

***

But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.”

***

Zacchaeus, I think you cheated me out of some treats.

***

Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.”

***

I think the only thing that’s been lost are my treats.

***

***

Don’t tell my person, but if you really want to hear the song about Zacchaeus, it’s right here.

 
13 Comments

Posted by on February 16, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Can You See Him?

Jesus and Bartimaeus Mark 10 46-52
Last week Jesus said I had to serve people and I’m not going for it.

Unless it’s cleaning up the spills on the floors or giving you exercise.

So you might as well forget telling me a story this week.

What do you mean, you were going to tell me about another miracle that Jesus did?

I like miracles.

I changed my mind.

I’m listening.

I mean it.

I’m really listening.

You’re going to make me sit and roll over and beg first?

I know how to sit and I’m really good at begging – but I never figured out that roll over stuff.

Please tell me the story.

***

As Jesus approached Jericho a blind man was sitting by the roadside begging.

***

Wow. That blind man can beg too.

Yes, I’m listening. I told you before that I was listening.

***

When the blind man heard the crowd going by, he asked what was happening. They told him, “Jesus of Nazareth is passing by.”

***

Hey, that blind man is kind of in the same shape I am.

I don’t know what Jesus looks like, and neither does he.

***

The blind man called out, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”

***

Do you think Jesus would have mercy on me and give me some treats?

I am too listening.

***

Those who led the way rebuked the blind man and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”

Jesus stopped and ordered the man to be brought to Him.

***

Oh no, that man’s in trouble now. He shouldn’t have shouted like that.

***

When the blind man came near, Jesus asked him, “What do you want me to do for you?”

***

Whoa! Wide open question.

I’d ask for some treats.

A whole bunch of treats.

***

“Lord, I want to see,” the blind man replied.

***

Is that all?

He should have asked to be able to see and for bunches of treats.

***

Jesus said to him, “Receive your sight; your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus, praising God. When all the people saw it, they also praised God.

***

I’ll totally praise God if He gives me treats.

 
9 Comments

Posted by on February 9, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Confident or Humble?

Pharisee and the tax collectorI’m still praying for those treats and you’re going to tell me another of Jesus’ Pair a Bulls?

I’m not finished with the last one yet. There sure are a lot of bulls around here.

If I listen do I get some treats?

What!? I’ve got to listen before I can have some treats?

Oh, all right.

***

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable:

***

I’m confident.

Is Jesus telling this to me?

What do you mean, if I listen I’ll find out?

***

Jesus said, “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men – robbers, evildoers, adulterers – or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’”

***

Wow, that guy thinks he’s pretty good.

I wonder if he’s nice to dogs.

I’m listening.

***

“But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’”

***

I bet that guy feels bad because nobody likes tax collectors.

I’ll give him loves – if he gives me treats.

***

Then Jesus said, “I tell you that this man – the tax collector – , rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

***

I’m the humblest dog around.

Now do I get my treats?

 
14 Comments

Posted by on January 5, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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