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Tag Archives: Jesus

Peeking into the Tomb

Alexander_Ivanov_-_Christ's_Appearance_to_Mary_Magdalene_after_the_Resurrection_-_Google_Art_ProjectPerson, I’ve been waiting all week because you told me there’s more to the story.

But I don’t know how there can be.

I mean, they nailed Jesus to a cross and He died.

Isn’t that the end of the story?

I’m listening, but I don’t think you’ll have anything to say.

***

Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance.

***

I knew it!

There’s no more story about Jesus. You’re telling me a story about Mary Magdalene.

I have to have patience???

***

So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!”

***

Why would anyone want to take Jesus if He already died?

I am listening.

***

So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first.

***

I bet I could have run faster.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in. Then Simon Peter, who was behind him, arrived and went into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, as well as the burial cloth that had been around Jesus’ head. The cloth was folded up by itself, separate from the linen. Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside.

***

It’s about time.

***

He saw and believed. (They still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead.)

***

Jesus had to what!?

I’m listening for sure now.

***

Then the disciples went back to their homes, but Mary stood outside the tomb crying.

***

Maybe if I gave her some loves she’d feel better.

***

As Mary wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.

***

I knew it!

This story isn’t about Jesus. It’s about angels showing up instead.

I’ll listen! I’ll listen!

***

The angels asked Mary, “Woman, why are you crying?”

“They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” At this she turned and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.

***

I would have known it was Jesus.

***

“Woman,” Jesus said, “why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?”

Thinking He was the gardener she said, “Sir, if you have carried Him away, tell me where you have put Him, and I will get Him.”

Jesus said to her, “Mary.”

She turned toward Him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means teacher).

***

Maybe Mary Magdalene was blind. She only recognized Jesus when she heard Him say her name.

***

Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.”

Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: “I have seen the Lord!” And she told them that He had said these things to her.

***

I don’t care what Jesus said. I wouldn’t have let go of him.

I would have attached Him to my leash or something so He couldn’t go missing again.

 
5 Comments

Posted by on April 20, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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It’s Not Over Yet

Jesus Crucifixion

Photo taken by Kabir Bakie at the Cincinnati Zoo

Hey person, I’ve been worried all week about what’s going to happen to Jesus.

You ended the story too soon.

They arrested Him, but I don’t know what happened after that.

He didn’t do anything wrong.

They let Him go, didn’t they?

What!?

They didn’t!

Those garbaldy goo good for nothing people that arrested Him. I’ll give them what for.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus was put on trial and even though Pilate, the Roman governor, didn’t find anything he’d done wrong the Jews wanted Him crucified.

So Pilate finally agreed and sent Jesus to be crucified.

***

I’m giving Pilate what for too!

I am listening.

***

Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with Jesus to be executed.

When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified Him, along with the criminals – one on His right, the other on His left. Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

***

I don’t get it. They just nailed Jesus to a cross and He wants to forgive them?

I’m gonna give them all what for.

I’m listening. I’m listening.

***

And they divided up Jesus’ clothes by casting lots.

***

It’s too bad I don’t wear clothes, or I’d give Him some of mine.

***

The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at Him. They said, “He saved others; let Him save Himself if He is the Christ of God, the Chosen One.”

***

Those rulers better watch it. If Jesus doesn’t give them what for I sure will.

***

The soldiers also came up and mocked Him. They offered him wine vinegar and said “If you are the king of the Jews, save yourself.”

There was a written notice above Him, which read: THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS.

***

How come those people don’t believe what they’re reading?

They should be worshipping The King of the Jews.

***

One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at Him: “Aren’t you the Christ? Save yourself and us!”

But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.

***

I don’t get it. The only man who is making any sense is hanging on a cross along with Jesus.

***

Then the man said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”

Jesus answered him, “I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.”

***

I bet that upset all the people who were giving Jesus a bad time.

I’m listening.

***

It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, for the sun stopped shining.

***

That was what time?

The middle of the day?

***

And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When He had said this He breathed His last.

***

What!?

That’s not how the story’s supposed to end.

It doesn’t end there?

Okay, I’m listening.

***

The centurion, seeing what had happened, praised God and said, “Surely this was a righteous man.”

***

That’s it!?

That’s the end?

Oh. It’s not over yet?

What do you mean, I have to wait till next Sunday to hear the rest of the story?

This is gonna be a long week.

 
16 Comments

Posted by on April 13, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Arrested!

Giuseppe Cesari [Public domain], via Wikimedia CommonsWhat? What?

What are you disturbing my nap for?

Jesus just woke up His disciples and told them His betrayer is coming?

Where?

What betrayer?

Okay, I’m listening.

***

While He was still speaking a crowd came up, and the man who was called Judas, one of the Twelve, was leading them.

***

Maybe they wanted to invite Jesus to a party.

I am listening.

***

Judas approached Jesus to kiss him…

***

See, I told you.

***

but Jesus asked him, “Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?

***

Oh, it was a sneaky kiss.

Better to hang out with a dog and get slobbery kisses.

***

When Jesus’ followers saw what was going to happen, they said, “Lord, should we strike with our swords?” And one of them struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his right ear.

***

That’s telling them.

I wish I’d been there. I really would have given that crowd what for.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

But Jesus answered, “No more of this!” And He touched the man’s ear and healed him.

“Put your sword away!”

***

That man’s about to arrest Jesus and He heals him?

I don’t get it.

***

Then Jesus said to the chief priests, the officers of the temple guard, and the elders, who had come for Him, “Am I leading a rebellion, that you have come with swords and clubs? Every day I was with you in the temple courts, and you did not lay a hand on me. But this is your hour – when darkness reigns.”

***

Didn’t they have any flashlights?

 
7 Comments

Posted by on April 6, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Sleeping on the Job

Painting_of_Christ_in_GethsemaneHey person, I’m still waiting for Jesus and the disciples to drop a few morsels and crumbs from that Last Supper.

But wait. If it’s the Last Supper I bet they wanted to make sure they ate all they could.

Guess I’d better look for some other place to get a handout.

You’re going to tell me another story while I’m looking?

Okay, but if I find some good stuff that needs to be cleaned off a floor somewhere I might stop listening.

***

They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to His disciples, “Sit here while I pray.”

***

I hope the disciples brought some leftovers with them to munch on while they were sitting.

I am too listening.

***

Jesus took Peter, James, and John along with Him, and He began to be deeply distressed and troubled.

***

I didn’t think anything bothered Jesus.

Oh yeah, Jesus just had His last supper. I bet He was already thinking of all the meals He wasn’t going to get.

I’m listening. I’m listening.

***

“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” Jesus said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.”

Going a little further He fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from Him. “Abba, Father,” He said, “everything is possible for You. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what You will.”

***

Did Jesus bring His cup from that supper? He probably should have left it behind.

***

Then Jesus returned to His disciples and found them sleeping.

“Simon,” He said to Peter, “are you asleep?

Could you not watch for one hour? Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.”

***

Their bodies will be stronger after they finish their nap.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Once more Jesus went away and prayed the same thing.

When He came back, He again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. They did not know what to say to Him.

***

Maybe they should take Jesus’ cup from Him.

If they had something to drink they might stay awake.

***

Returning the third time, Jesus said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Enough! The hour has come. Look, the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!”

***

What a way to wake up those sleeping disciples.

Jesus wouldn’t have had to go to that extreme with me.

All He would have had to say is, “Food!”

 
7 Comments

Posted by on March 30, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Dropping Crumbs and Pouring Out

Leonardo da Vinci  - Last SupperNot now, person.

I’m still playing in that water that Jesus used to wash feet with in last week’s story.

What?

There’s food in this story?

It’s about a supper?

Bring it on! I’m all ears!

***

Then came the day of Unleavened Bread on which the Passover lamb had to be sacrificed.

***

Lamb? They’re gonna have lamb!?

I’m eating with them.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

Jesus sent Peter and John, saying, “Go and make preparations for us to eat the Passover.”

***

Hey Peter – John, make sure to save a place for me!

***

“Where do you want us to prepare for it?” they asked.

Jesus replied, “As you enter the city, a man carrying a jar of water will meet you. Follow him to the house that he enters, and say to the owner of the house, ‘The Teacher asks: Where is the guest room, where I may eat the Passover with my disciples?’ He will show you a large upper room, all furnished. Make preparations there.”

They left and found things just as Jesus had told them. So they prepared the Passover.

***

I’d better go help. They might need someone to clean up the floor when things get dropped.

I’ll listen! I’ll listen!

***

When the hour came, Jesus and His apostles reclined at the table. And He said to them, “I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer. For I tell you, I will not eat it again until it finds fulfillment in the kingdom of God.”

***

If Jesus is going to leave His food and not eat it, I’ll eat it for Him.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

After taking the cup, Jesus gave thanks and said, “Take this and divide it among you. For I tell you I will not drink again of the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes.

***

What do you mean, I can’t have any of that fruit of the vine stuff that Jesus doesn’t drink?

Dogs can’t have grapes?

Jesus didn’t say anything about grapes.

***

And Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.”

***

Bread’s alright, but could you pass over that lamb?

***

In the same way, after the supper He took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.”

***

Okay, now Jesus is pouring that stuff out.

Can I drink it if it falls on the floor?

 
11 Comments

Posted by on March 23, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Want a Bath?

Jesus washing Peter's feetIn the last story you told me Jesus was turning over tables.

Now you’re going to tell me a story about washing feet?

Was there dirt on those tables that spilled onto the people’s feet?

Maybe a dog got muddy paw prints on somebody’s feet.

Okay, I’ll listen to the story.

***

It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for Him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved His own who were in the world, He now showed them the full extent of His love.

***

I bet He gave them lots of extra treats.

I am listening.

***

The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus.

***

Is Judas Iscariot going to make Jesus do something special for him?

I bet he wants extra treats.

***

Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under His power, and that He had come from God and was returning to God.

***

God gives treats, doesn’t He?

I’m listening. I’m listening.

***

So Jesus got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist.

***

I hope Jesus finished His dinner before He did that.

***

After that, Jesus poured water into a basin and began to wash His disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around Him.

***

That sounds kind of like when you give me a bath person. Except that you wash more than my feet.

***

Jesus came to Simon Peter, who said to Him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”

Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

“No,” said Peter, “you will never wash my feet.”

***

I guess Peter didn’t like baths.

***

Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”

“Then Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”

***

Oh, now I get it. Peter didn’t think he was getting enough of a bath. He wanted more.

Peter’s my kind of guy.

***

Jesus answered, “A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” For He knew who was going to betray Him, and that was why He said not every one was clean.

***

Couldn’t Jesus have just given that not clean guy a bath?

***

When Jesus had finished washing their feet, He put on His clothes and returned to His place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” He asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.

***

That should be easy. Once I’m all wet all I have to do is shake and somebody else’s feet will get washed.

***

Then Jesus said, “I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.”

***

Sometimes that’s not true.

You think you’re greater than me, person, but I know different.

 
10 Comments

Posted by on March 16, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Money or Prayer

Bernardo Belloto - Jesus cleansing the templeIn last week’s story Jesus was riding on a donkey and now he’s turning over tables in the temple?

I bet He rode the donkey into the temple and the donkey accidentally knocked those tables over.

That didn’t happen?

Jesus knocked over those tables on purpose?

I don’t get it.

I thought Jesus was a nice, peaceful guy who healed people and gave dogs loves and treats.

Okay, I’ll listen to the story.

***

On reaching Jerusalem, Jesus entered the temple area and began driving out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves, and would not allow anyone to carry merchandise through the temple courts.

***

So why did Jesus do that?

Weren’t those people just trying to make a living?

They needed to make money so they could feed their dogs, didn’t they?

What do you mean, they were selling things for too high a price?

That doesn’t make sense. Wouldn’t the people just go buy stuff somewhere else then?

Oh. They could only use temple stuff when they worshiped God there – so they had to buy it?

I would bark a lot.

I am listening.

***

And as Jesus taught them, He said, “Is it not written” ‘My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations’?

But you have made it ‘a den of robbers.’”

***

I get it. Those people were making all kinds of money when they should have been praying.

***

The chief priests and the teachers of the law heard this and began looking for a way to kill Jesus, for they feared Him, because the whole crowd was amazed at His teaching.

***

Wouldn’t it have been better if those chief priests and teachers of the law listened to Jesus and started praying instead of trying to kill Him?

I don’t think I like those guys.

I bet they never give their dogs treats.

 
6 Comments

Posted by on March 9, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Riding a Colt

Jesus riding a donkey into JerusalemHey person, I’ve been listening to all these Bible stories that promise me treats and I’m still waiting for my treats.

What do you mean, there’s no treats in this story?

Then what’s the use of listening.

There’s an animal in the story?

Okay, I guess I’ll listen.

***

Jesus and His disciples were approaching Jerusalem and came to Bethpage and Bethany at the Mount of Olives. Jesus sent two of His disciples, saying to them, “Go to the village ahead of you, and just as you enter it, you will find a colt tied there, which no one has ever ridden.

***

I could chase after that colt for them.

You know, like I tried to chase after those horses we saw on my trails?

Just don’t keep holding onto my leash this time.

I am listening.

***

Jesus said, “Untie the colt and bring it here. If anyone asks you, ‘Why are you doing this?’ tell him, ‘The Lord needs it and will send it back here shortly.’”

***

Is Jesus going to chase after that colt?

***

The disciples went and found a colt outside in the street, tied at a doorway. As they untied it, some people standing there asked, “What are you doing, untying that colt?”

***

Isn’t that inhumane treatment of animals to keep them tied up?

Those disciples were just being nice to that colt.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

The disciples answered as Jesus had told them to, and the people let them go.

***

Jesus must have been a popular guy.

***

When they brought the colt to Jesus and threw their cloaks over it, He sat on it. Many people spread their cloaks on the road, while others spread branches they had cut in the fields.

***

I don’t get it. Now the colt and the road must be really warm, but if the people took off their cloaks aren’t they shivering?

***

Those who went ahead and those who followed shouted, “Hosanna!”

“Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!”

Blessed is the coming kingdom of our father David!”

Hosanna in the highest!”

***

I guess Jesus was a popular guy. Those people must have been so busy shouting that they didn’t notice they were cold.

***

Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples!”

“I tell you,” Jesus replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”

***

I think I heard one of those stones crying out when we were on my trails.

It was not a bird.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on March 2, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Eeny Mina Miny Treat

Parable of the 10 minasI’ve been trying to climb a tree ever since I heard the story last week about Zacchaeus in the tree.

Scratchy is useless.

He’s supposed to teach me how to climb and he won’t even leave the house.

Okay, I’m not getting anywhere with the tree thing, I might as well listen to the next story.

Maybe this story will be about treats.

***

Jesus told a parable because he was near Jerusalem and the people thought that the kingdom of God was going to appear at once.

***

Do dogs get treats when the kingdom of God appears? Because if they do I’m voting for it to appear at once.

I am listening.

***

Jesus said, “A man of noble birth went to a distant country to have himself appointed king and then to return. So he called ten of his servants and gave them ten minas.”

***

What are minas? Are they like treats?

***

“’Put this money to work,’ the man said, ‘until I come back.”

***

Oh, it’s money. Well, I can pretend they’re treats.

***

“But the man’s subjects hated him and sent a delegation after him to say, ‘We don’t want this man to be our king.’”

***

He must have been stingy with his treats.

I’m listening. How do you think I know what the man is doing?

***

“He was made king, however, and returned home. Then he sent for the servants to whom he had given the treats money, in order to find out what they had gained with it.

The first one came and said, ‘Sir, your mina treat has earned ten more.’”

***

Woo woo! Treats for everybody!

***

“’Well done, my good servant!’ his master replied. ‘Because you have been trustworthy in a very small matter, take charge of ten cities.’

“The second came and said, ‘Sir, your mina treat has earned five more.’”

***

And more treats for everybody. It’s a real party!

***

“Then another servant came and said, ‘Sir, here is your mina; I have kept it laid away in a piece of cloth. I was afraid of you, because you are a hard man. You take out what you did not put in and reap what you did not sow.’”

***

What a loser. He’s not even invited to the party.

***

“His master replied, ‘I will judge you by your own words, you wicked servant! You knew, did you, that I am a hard man, taking out what I did not put in, and reaping what I did not sow? Why then didn’t you put my money on deposit, so that when I came back, I could have collected it with interest?’”

***

He could have left that mina treat with me.

I would have deposited a lot of slobber on it.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

“Then he said to those standing by, ‘Take his mina treat away from him and give it to the one who has ten minas treats.’

‘Sir,’ they said, ‘he already has ten!’

***

I’ll eat some!

***

He replied, ‘I tell you that to everyone who has, more will be given, but as for the one who has nothing, even what he has will be taken away. But those enemies of mine who did not want me to be king over them – bring them here and kill them in front of me.’”

***

I know who I’m hanging out with.

That guy who has eleven minas treats has plenty to share.

***

After Jesus had said this, He went on ahead, going up to Jerusalem.

***

Hey Jesus, where did that guy with all the treats go?

 
8 Comments

Posted by on February 23, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Climbing a Tree

Zacchaeus being called down from the treeWhat?

You’re telling me there’s a song that goes with this Bible story?

But you won’t let me post it because it might irritate some of my friends?

Oh, it’s a kid’s song?

What about a dog song? Woo woo!

I’m still waiting for Jesus to give me extra treats.

Okay, I’ll listen to the story.

But if I don’t like it I’m gonna start singing.

.

***

Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy.

***

I bet Zacchaeus has some extra treats for me.

What? Nobody liked tax collectors?

Then he really needs to give me some treats.

I’ll like him if he gives me treats.

I am listening.

***

Zacchaeus wanted to see who Jesus was, but being a short man he could not, because of the crowd. So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way.

When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly.

***

Okay, now I’ve got it.

In order to get Jesus’ attention you’ve got to be up in a tree.

Sounds easy enough.

Oh wait. What do I do?

I don’t know how to climb a tree.

Scratchy, come here. Now!

I need you to give me tree climbing lessons.

I’ll listen – as soon as I get up in this tree.

***

All the people saw this and began to mutter, “Jesus has gone to be the guest of a sinner.”

***

I guess Jesus had better think twice about who’s house he visits.

***

But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.”

***

Zacchaeus, I think you cheated me out of some treats.

***

Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.”

***

I think the only thing that’s been lost are my treats.

***

***

Don’t tell my person, but if you really want to hear the song about Zacchaeus, it’s right here.

 
13 Comments

Posted by on February 16, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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