My person keeps wanting to tell me stories from the Bible and she said this one doesn’t have any animals in it so I’m not sure if I want to hear it. I started to walk away until she told me there were three hundred men in the story who lapped water like dogs, and they were real heroes.
Okay, I’m listening now. If I can do what I do anyway and be a hero I want to know how.
My person said it all started with a dude named Gideon. He was minding his own business threshing wheat in a winepress (I think there’s something wrong with this picture) when the Angel of the Lord came to him and told him he –Gideon – was going to save his people from the Midianites. So now we have a dude and an angel in a winepress surrounded by a bunch of wheat. There’s really something wrong with this picture. Okay, back to that winepress thing – my person said Gideon was hiding in there so the Midianites wouldn’t steal his wheat – they did things like that.
Well Gideon looked at that Angel of the Lord and said, “Who me?”
And the Angel of the Lord said, “Yes, you.”
Gideon said, “Couldn’t be,” and tried to talk his way out of it.
Well that angel wouldn’t go for it, and Gideon knew if he didn’t do something it might just be him and that angel in the winepress and no wheat. He didn’t know if angels got hungry but he sure did, so Gideon got a bunch of guys together and started out after the Midianites. But the Lord told Gideon he had too many dudes, so Gideon let all the scared dudes go home and kept the brave ones. The Lord told Gideon he still had too many and he could only keep the ones who lapped water like a dog. I like those guys, really I do.
Gideon started out with thirty two thousand fighting guys and now he only had three hundred left, and the Lord said that was just right. I guess the Lord knows what He’s talking about, but that Midianite army was bigger than I’d want to tackle with a few dog lapping guys. Well, they waited until it was good and dark and snuck up on the Midianite’s camp. They blew their trumpets and let their torches shine and shouted, “The sword of the Lord and of Gideon.”
You know what? Those Midianites were so scared of those lapping water dudes that they went after each other and then they ran away.
I’d like to chase a whole army away, but when I lap water all I seem to manage to chase away is Scratchy the cat and the dry floor.