What do you mean, I need to hear this Bible story and it’s going to teach me a lesson?

I don’t need any lessons. I already know everything I need to know.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus said, “Who then is the faithful and wise manager, whom the master puts in charge of his servants to give them their food allowance at the proper time?”

***

Oh, now I get it. You’re planning to put me in charge of Scratchy’s food allowance.

I’m listening with all ears now.

***

Jesus continued, “It will be good for that servant whom the master finds doing so when he returns. I tell you the truth, he will put him in charge of all his possessions.”

***

This is a trick, isn’t it? To get me not to eat Scratchy’s food. If I actually give Scratchy his food, then I’ll get put in charge of everything. And I can eat all your food and my food too.

This is getting good.

***

Jesus said, “But suppose the servant says to himself, ‘My master is taking a long time in coming,’ and he then begins to beat the menservants and maidservants and to eat and drink and get drunk. The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the unbelievers.”

***

Wait a minute. What are you saying?

You mean that if I get into mischief because I think you’re not coming home for awhile I might get into trouble?

You know Scratchy does all that stuff, don’t you?

Oh. You’re saying it’s like the times you came in when I wasn’t expecting you and you caught me sleeping on the couch.

Okay, I admit I slept on the couch once or twice.

But Scratchy still did all the rest of the stuff.

Maybe you could send Jesus to give Scratchy what for.