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Parting of the Ways

Foster Bible Pictures 0064-1 The Water Came on...

Foster Bible Pictures 0064-1 The Water Came on Pharaoh and His Soldiers (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In the last Bible story God finally gave Pharaoh what for so bad that he let the Israelites go. But my person says Pharaoh still hadn’t had enough and the Israelites would be seeing him again.

Oh yeah, the Israelites were going to throw all their dog treats at Pharaoh. Well, I hope they save a few dog treats for me.

I’ll listen, person. Can’t I have a little fun first?

When the Israelites finally got to leave Egypt, God led them to the desert with a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire to give them light at night. God took them the long way around because he didn’t want them to get in a fight with the Philistines and get discouraged.

I should have gone along. I would have whooped those Philistines.

Yes, I’m listening.

God told the Israelites to camp by the sea so Pharaoh would think they were wandering in confusion because they were hemmed in by the desert. And then God hardened Pharaoh’s heart.

And Pharaoh changed his mind when he realized that by letting the Israelites go he’d lost their services. So he took all his chariots and the army and went after them.

I hope the Israelites have those dog treats ready to throw.

Okay, I’ll listen. I promise.

The Israelites were terrified when they saw the Egyptians. They complained to Moses that they would have been better off staying in Egypt than dying in the desert.

Moses told the people not to be afraid and to stand firm because God would deliver them. The angel of the Lord who had been traveling in front of Israel went behind them – between them and the Egyptians – and so did the pillar of cloud.

The Lord told Moses to raise his staff and stretch out his hand over the sea, and when he did that the Lord drove the sea back with a strong east wind. The Israelites went through the sea on dry ground with a wall of water on each side of them.

Woo woo! That means they get to keep their dog treats. And they won’t even get soggy.

I am too listening.

The Egyptians followed the Israelites through the sea…

Oops! I take that back about the dog treats.

But when the Israelites were across, the Lord told Moses to stretch out his hand again so the water would flow back over the Egyptians, their chariots, and their horsemen.

So the Israelites made it across, and the Egyptians went swimming but didn’t make it out alive.

And I got the dog treats.

Hey person, these dog treats aren’t very good. They taste like flat bread. Can you go to the pet store and get me some better ones?

 
23 Comments

Posted by on September 2, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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The Final Plague

The Egyptian Firstborn Destroyed (illustration...

The Egyptian Firstborn Destroyed (illustration from the 1728 Figures de la Bible) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve been waiting and waiting for God to give Pharaoh what for in these stories. God keeps sending plagues and Pharaoh just won’t give in.

So what’s God going to do to Pharaoh now? Is Pharaoh finally going to say he’s had enough?

I’m listening person, but I’m still waiting for mean old Pharaoh to get the what for he deserves.

So in the last story Pharaoh told Moses to get out of his sight, and not to appear before him again or Moses would die.

Moses said fine, but God told Moses to warn Pharaoh what would happen if he didn’t let the Israelites go to worship Him.

What’s going to happen, person?

I am listening.

About midnight God would go through the land and every firstborn son in Egypt would die – and all the firstborn cattle too.

Come on person. The animals too?

But – God told Moses to tell the Israelites to have each household slaughter a lamb for dinner, and then take some of the blood and put it on the sides and the tops of the doorframes. Wherever God saw the blood on the doorframes He would pass over that house and no destructive plague would touch that household.

Pharaoh was so upset after what happened that he called Moses in the middle of the night and told him and the Israelites to leave.

Yay! Pharaoh finally had enough!

There’s more? Okay, I’m listening.

The Egyptians urged the Israelites to get out of the country fast because they were afraid they would all die. But God had told the Israelites to ask the Egyptians for silver, gold, and clothing before they left – and the Egyptians gave them all kinds of stuff.

Did they give them any dog treats?

What? The Israelites had to leave so fast that they couldn’t put any yeast in their bread dough, so they had to eat flat bread.

I bet that would be good. It sounds kind of like dog treats to me.

So they finally got away from mean old Pharaoh. Woo woo!

What do you mean they haven’t seen the last of Pharaoh yet?

When he shows up maybe they can throw some dog treats at him.

 
26 Comments

Posted by on August 26, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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