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Parting of the Ways

Foster Bible Pictures 0064-1 The Water Came on Pharaoh and His Soldiers (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In the last Bible story God finally gave Pharaoh what for so bad that he let the Israelites go. But my person says Pharaoh still hadn’t had enough and the Israelites would be seeing him again.

Oh yeah, the Israelites were going to throw all their dog treats at Pharaoh. Well, I hope they save a few dog treats for me.

I’ll listen, person. Can’t I have a little fun first?

When the Israelites finally got to leave Egypt, God led them to the desert with a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire to give them light at night. God took them the long way around because he didn’t want them to get in a fight with the Philistines and get discouraged.

I should have gone along. I would have whooped those Philistines.

Yes, I’m listening.

God told the Israelites to camp by the sea so Pharaoh would think they were wandering in confusion because they were hemmed in by the desert. And then God hardened Pharaoh’s heart.

And Pharaoh changed his mind when he realized that by letting the Israelites go he’d lost their services. So he took all his chariots and the army and went after them.

I hope the Israelites have those dog treats ready to throw.

Okay, I’ll listen. I promise.

The Israelites were terrified when they saw the Egyptians. They complained to Moses that they would have been better off staying in Egypt than dying in the desert.

Moses told the people not to be afraid and to stand firm because God would deliver them. The angel of the Lord who had been traveling in front of Israel went behind them – between them and the Egyptians – and so did the pillar of cloud.

The Lord told Moses to raise his staff and stretch out his hand over the sea, and when he did that the Lord drove the sea back with a strong east wind. The Israelites went through the sea on dry ground with a wall of water on each side of them.

Woo woo! That means they get to keep their dog treats. And they won’t even get soggy.

I am too listening.

The Egyptians followed the Israelites through the sea…

Oops! I take that back about the dog treats.

But when the Israelites were across, the Lord told Moses to stretch out his hand again so the water would flow back over the Egyptians, their chariots, and their horsemen.

So the Israelites made it across, and the Egyptians went swimming but didn’t make it out alive.

And I got the dog treats.

Hey person, these dog treats aren’t very good. They taste like flat bread. Can you go to the pet store and get me some better ones?

23 Comments

Posted by Bongo on September 2, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, dogs, Egyptian, faith, God, Israelite, Lord, Moses, Pets, Pharaoh

The Final Plague

26 Aug

The Egyptian Firstborn Destroyed (illustration from the 1728 Figures de la Bible) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve been waiting and waiting for God to give Pharaoh what for in these stories. God keeps sending plagues and Pharaoh just won’t give in.

So what’s God going to do to Pharaoh now? Is Pharaoh finally going to say he’s had enough?

I’m listening person, but I’m still waiting for mean old Pharaoh to get the what for he deserves.

So in the last story Pharaoh told Moses to get out of his sight, and not to appear before him again or Moses would die.

Moses said fine, but God told Moses to warn Pharaoh what would happen if he didn’t let the Israelites go to worship Him.

What’s going to happen, person?

I am listening.

About midnight God would go through the land and every firstborn son in Egypt would die – and all the firstborn cattle too.

Come on person. The animals too?

But – God told Moses to tell the Israelites to have each household slaughter a lamb for dinner, and then take some of the blood and put it on the sides and the tops of the doorframes. Wherever God saw the blood on the doorframes He would pass over that house and no destructive plague would touch that household.

Pharaoh was so upset after what happened that he called Moses in the middle of the night and told him and the Israelites to leave.

Yay! Pharaoh finally had enough!

There’s more? Okay, I’m listening.

The Egyptians urged the Israelites to get out of the country fast because they were afraid they would all die. But God had told the Israelites to ask the Egyptians for silver, gold, and clothing before they left – and the Egyptians gave them all kinds of stuff.

Did they give them any dog treats?

What? The Israelites had to leave so fast that they couldn’t put any yeast in their bread dough, so they had to eat flat bread.

I bet that would be good. It sounds kind of like dog treats to me.

So they finally got away from mean old Pharaoh. Woo woo!

What do you mean they haven’t seen the last of Pharaoh yet?

When he shows up maybe they can throw some dog treats at him.

26 Comments

Posted by Bongo on August 26, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, dogs, Egypt, Egyptian, faith, God, Israelite, Moses, Pets, Pharaoh

Plethora of Plagues

19 Aug

This must be it, right? God is really going to give that mean old Pharaoh what for. What’s he going to do?

Person, I’m listening. I can’t wait for God to give Pharaoh what for. So what did he do?

Moses went back to Pharaoh again and once more told him that God said to “Let my people go.” But Pharaoh still wouldn’t listen.

So what did God do?

No way! That’s not fair. God put a plague on the animals and all of the Egyptians horses, donkeys, camels, cattle, sheep, and goats died. Person, I don’t like that plague at all.

But none of the Israelites animals died? Okay, I think I’ll go hang out with those sheepdogs that belong to the Israelites.

But Pharaoh still wouldn’t let the Israelites go? I don’t believe it. He should be very upset about losing his animals.

I’m listening, person.

The Lord told Moses and Aaron to take handfuls of soot from a furnace and have Moses toss it into the air in front of Pharaoh. God would make the soot turn into fine dust all over the land and cause festering boils to break out on men and animals.

When Moses did this even those pesky magicians couldn’t stand before Moses because of the boils. But Pharaoh still wouldn’t listen.

Maybe Pharaoh wants God to turn him into a punching bag.

I am listening. What happens next?

God told Moses to tell Pharaoh that He could strike him and his people with a plague that would wipe them off the face of the earth, but He wanted to show His power so that His name might be proclaimed in all the earth. So this time God warned Pharaoh to have everyone bring their livestock and everything they had in the field to a place of shelter, because He was going to send the nastiest hail storm they’d ever seen. Some people feared the word of the Lord and did what He said, but others ignored Him. The hail came down and destroyed everything except the crops that hadn’t yet come up. But there was no hail where the Israelites lived. Pharaoh asked Moses to stop the hail and then he still wouldn’t let the Israelites go.

Person, do I have to give Pharaoh what for myself? Nothing God does is getting to him.

Okay, I’ll listen. But Pharaoh better let those Israelites go soon.

God sent Moses to tell Pharaoh that if he still wouldn’t let his people go He would send locusts that would eat everything the hail hadn’t destroyed. Pharaoh’s officials had had enough and they told Pharaoh to do what Moses asked.

Pharaoh told Moses that he would let the men go worship God, but the women and children would have to stay. That wasn’t good enough so Moses stretched his hand out over Egypt and the Lord sent a wind that blew in so many locusts that the ground was black, and they ate everything. Pharaoh asked Moses to take the locusts away so God sent a wind that blew every one of them away.

Hey, I bet those locusts would have been tasty treats.

Person, Pharaoh won’t listen. Why should I listen?

What? A plague might come on me? Okay, I’m listening. I’m listening.

This time the Lord told Moses to stretch out his hand to the sky so that darkness would spread over Egypt – darkness that could be felt. And it was dark for three days. No one could see anybody else, or leave his place. But there was light where the Israelites lived.

And Pharaoh told Moses that his people – even the women and children – could leave to worship the Lord. But they had to leave their flocks and herds behind.

Moses told Pharaoh they needed some of the livestock for worshipping the Lord, and until they got there they wouldn’t know which ones.

And God hardened Pharaoh’s heart again and he told Moses to get out of his sight and not to come back. He said the day Moses saw his face again he would die.

Hey person, I bet God is going to give Pharaoh a really serious what for, but I think Pharaoh is in the dark about this.

Back on His Word Again (bongodogblog.com)

29 Comments

Posted by Bongo on August 19, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, dogs, Egypt, faith, God, Israelite, Lord, Moses, Pets, Pharaoh

Back on His Word Again

12 Aug

It’s about time! You mean God is finally going to give Pharaoh what for? I can’t wait to hear what He does.

Does God lock Pharaoh in the lion’s den – or throw him in the fiery furnace?

Oh. Those were different stories? Okay, I’ll listen.

God told Moses to wait on the bank of the Nile River to meet Pharaoh when he goes out to the water, and to bring the staff that turned into a snake. And then God told Moses to have Aaron take the staff and stretch out his hand over the waters of Egypt and all the water would turn to blood.

Moses told Pharaoh that God said to let his people go. Pharaoh wouldn’t do it so they turned the water into blood and the fish in the Nile died and the river smelled bad.

Hey person. I think somebody got that part of the story wrong. I bet that river smelled really good. Can we go check it out?

It happened a long time ago? Oh yeah, I forgot. I am listening, person.

The Egyptian magicians were able to do the same thing by their secret arts so Pharaoh’s heart became hard and he went into his palace.

Now what, person?

I’m listening – really.

About a week later God told Moses and Aaron to go back to Pharaoh and if he still wouldn’t listen God would plague the country with frogs. The frogs would get into the palace and on their beds, and in their ovens and where they kneaded their bread. The frogs would be everywhere.

But the magicians were able to make frogs come too. Pharaoh told Moses to pray for the Lord to take the frogs away and he would let his people go. So Moses asked Pharaoh to set the time and that’s when the frogs all died. They made big stinky piles of dead frogs…

Excuse me, person. Those piles of frogs probably had a nice smell. You know, dog perfume.

Okay, I’ll listen.

When Pharaoh saw that the frogs were gone he hardened his heart again and wouldn’t let the people go.

So this time God told Aaron to stretch out his staff and strike the dust of the ground. When he did that all the dust became gnats.

We have gnats here sometimes. They’re nasty little critters.

I’m listening.

The magicians couldn’t produce any gnats by their secret arts and told Pharaoh that this is the finger of God.

It’s about time. Is Pharaoh going to let the Israelites go now?

What!? Pharaoh’s heart was still hard and he wouldn’t listen? I don’t believe it!

So what now?

God had Moses tell Pharaoh that he was sending swarms of flies, but that there would be no flies in the part of the land where the Israelites lived. When flies swarmed into Pharaoh’s palace, and into the houses of his officials, and ruined the land, Pharaoh told Moses that he would let his people go if Moses would get rid of the flies.

Moses prayed to God and all the flies left.

And they finally got to go?

Hey, wait a minute! You mean to tell me Pharaoh went back on his word again? This is terrible. Next time God should leave those flies there.

I’ll be right back, person. I think I hear a fly buzzing in the kitchen. I’ve got to go catch it and send it to Pharaoh.

37 Comments

Posted by Bongo on August 12, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Aaron, Bible, dogs, Egypt, faith, God, Moses, Pets, Pharaoh, plagues

Too Many Snakes

05 Aug

English: Moses and Aaron Appear before Pharaoh (Ex. 6:26-30, 7:1-10) Русский: Моисей и Аарон перед фараоном (Исх. 6:26-30, 7:1-10) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So person, a whole week ago Pharaoh was being even meaner to the Israelites, and they were mad at Moses and Moses was mad at God. So is God finally going to give Pharaoh what for, or not?

God told Moses what? That He would redeem Israel with an outstretched arm and mighty acts of judgment? Okay God, bring it on. Give that mean old Pharaoh what for!

I’m listening to the story, person. Can’t I help cheer God on?

God told Moses to tell the Israelites that He would take them out of Egypt and bring them to the land that He had promised to their fathers Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. But the Israelites wouldn’t listen to Moses because of their discouragement and cruel bondage.

Then God told Moses to tell Pharaoh to let the Israelites go. But Moses said if the Israelites wouldn’t listen to him then why would Pharaoh listen.

Why doesn’t God just come down and give Pharaoh what for?

I’m listening person, but I really want to see God zap Pharaoh.

Well God convinced Moses and his brother Aaron to go talk to Pharaoh, and said to them that when Pharaoh tells them to perform a miracle that Aaron should throw his staff down and it will become a snake.

Was that like the snake that was in our driveway awhile back?

I’m listening.

Aaron threw his staff down and it became a snake, but the Egyptian magicians turned their staffs into snakes too.

Yikes, that’s a lot of snakes.

What? Aaron’s snake swallowed up all the other snakes? So there was only one snake?

So did Pharaoh let the Israelites go?

What! He didn’t? His heart was hard and he wouldn’t listen? That’s not fair.

I don’t think Pharaoh is very scared of snakes. So when is God really going to give Pharaoh what for? He sure is taking His time.

I bet Pharaoh would be scared of my snake. Can we go outside now? I need to see if that snake came back to our driveway so I can send it over to Pharaoh.

18 Comments

Posted by Bongo on August 5, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Aaron, Bible, dogs, Egypt, faith, God, Moses, Pets, Pharaoh, Snake

Off to Egypt

29 Jul

Moses and Aaron before Pharaoh (painting by Benjamin West) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, I’ve had to wait a whole week to find out if Moses left his sheep and his sheep dogs and went to Egypt. So are you going to tell me? I’m still waiting.

He did go? I thought so. God was pretty insistent. But what about the sheep?

The Bible doesn’t say anything about the sheep? Why not? Okay I’ll listen to the story.

Moses took his wife and sons and put them on a donkey and headed back to Egypt. At least they took a donkey with them.

Yes, I’m listening person.

The Lord told Moses’ brother Aaron to go into the desert to meet Moses, so that Aaron could help Moses when he went to face Pharoah.

When Moses and Aaron got to Egypt they met with the elders of the Israelites who were very happy to hear that the Lord was concerned about them.

Then Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh.

Did they give him what for?

I am listening.

They told Pharaoh that the Lord, the God of Israel says, “Let my people go, that they may hold a festival to me in the desert.”

Did Pharaoh let them go?

He what!?

Not only did Pharaoh say no, he made things harder on the Israelites. He told his slave drivers and foremen to stop giving the Israelites straw for making bricks, but to require them to make the same number of bricks as before.

So now the Israelites had to find their own straw and still make the same number of bricks. And they weren’t very happy with Moses and Aaron.

Moses went to God and he wasn’t very happy with God. It seemed to him that God had sent him to cause more trouble for the Israelites and God hadn’t rescued them at all.

So is God going to help Moses give Pharaoh what for, or not?

What do you mean, I’ve got to wait another week? How long is this story anyway? Do you think maybe you could get God to move a little faster?

24 Comments

Posted by Bongo on July 29, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Aaron, Bible, dogs, Egypt, faith, God, Israelite, Moses, Pets, Pharaoh

The Burning Bush

22 Jul

English: Moses and the Burning Bush, illustration from the 1890 Holman Bible (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What, person? You mean after Moses ran off to the desert and got married he got to tend sheep too? How cool is that? That means he must have had sheep dogs to hang out with. He must have been pretty happy there.

Okay person, I’m listening now.

After about forty years of hanging out with the sheep and those sheep dogs – wow, that’s a long time. That’s longer than how old I am.

Yes, I’m listening person.

Moses was near Mount Horeb and he saw something strange.

What did he see? What did he see?

What? If I listen I’ll find out? Oh.

He saw a bush burning, but it wasn’t burning up.

How could that be?

So Moses went over to check that bush out.

Then what happened?

What? God called to Moses from within the bush?

You mean God was in the bush and He didn’t burn up either? He must be pretty special.

God told Moses to take off his sandals because he was standing on holy ground. He told Moses He was the God of his father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, and Moses hid his face because he was afraid to look at God.

God told Moses He had seen the oppression of His people in Egypt and He was sending Moses to Pharaoh to bring His people the Israelites out of Egypt.

Did Moses finally get to go give that mean old Pharaoh what for?

What? That mean old Pharaoh that wanted Moses dead had died? Moses had to give a different Pharaoh what for?

Moses didn’t want to go? I wouldn’t want to go either if I had sheep and sheep dogs to hang out with all the time.

Moses didn’t think he was worthy but God said He would be with him. So Moses kept making excuses why he wasn’t good enough to go to Pharaoh, but God didn’t buy any of it.

It sounds like God wouldn’t take no for an answer. Kind of like you person, when you want me to do something that I don’t want to do. So did Moses leave his sheep dogs and go to Egypt?

What!? You’re going to make me wait another whole week before you tell me more? I’m heading out to my trails then. Maybe I’ll find a sheep dog who knows the rest of the story.

19 Comments

Posted by Bongo on July 22, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, dogs, Egypt, faith, God, Israelite, Moses, Mount Horeb, Pets, Pharaoh

Off to Midian

15 Jul

Moses and the Daughters of Jethro (painting circa 1660–1689 by Ciro Ferri)

What, person? You mean that little baby Moses that got put in a basket and put in the reeds in the Nile River has grown up already? He became the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. Is he going to be an Egyptian king?

No? What happened?

Oh no! My person says one day Moses went to where his own people, the Hebrews, were working at hard labor.

Moses shouldn’t do that. What if someone makes him do hard labor?

Okay, I’ll listen.

Moses saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew. He looked around and didn’t see anyone watching and he killed the Egyptian and buried him in the sand.

Yikes! It turns out that someone did see Moses kill that Egyptian and word got around. When Pharaoh heard about it he wanted to kill Moses.

That’s nothing new. That mean old Pharaoh wanted to kill Moses when he was a baby too. Did Moses give him what for?

He didn’t? My person says Moses ran away and went to Midian where he sat down by a well.

At least Moses could get a drink of water. It wasn’t an empty well, was it?

Yes person, I am listening.

Seven daughters of a priest came to the well to draw water to water their father’s flock, but some shepherds came and chased them away. Moses came to the girls’ rescue and watered their flock for them.

The girls’ father was surprised to see them home so early, and when they told him what happened he asked why they’d left Moses and told them to invite him to have something to eat.

Oh, good. I bet Moses was really hungry. Now I’m getting hungry.

Okay, I’ll listen. But could you give me some treats?

Moses agreed to stay with the priest and he married one of the priest’s daughters and had a son.

Wow, Moses has all the luck. I bet he doesn’t even bother giving that mean old Pharaoh what for.

Hey person, can I have my treats now?

6 Comments

Posted by Bongo on July 15, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, dogs, Egypt, faith, Hebrew, Midian, Moses, Pets, Pharaoh

Floating on the Nile

08 Jul

English: Baby Moses rescued from the Nile (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Wait a minute person. You mean there’s another baby in the Bible that’s important besides baby Jesus. How can babies be so important? They’re not even big enough to give me loves yet.

Okay, I’ll listen. But this better be good.

My person says a long time ago all the Israelites lived in Egypt and there were lots of them. There was a new king (Pharaoh) in Egypt who was afraid that if war broke out the Israelites would join with Egypt’s enemies, fight against Egypt, and leave the country. So Pharaoh put slave masters over them and made them work really hard.

I hope they got lots of treats for working hard.

My person says they didn’t get any extra treats, but they kept growing in number.

They really need extra treats now.

I am listening, person.

That king must have been really mean because he told the midwives – the what? He told the ladies that help women when they have their babies to kill all the boy babies but let the girl babies live. But the midwives feared God and wouldn’t do it.

So then that mean old king told the Egyptians to throw all the Israelite’s boy babies into the Nile River.

That’s really bad. Boy babies grow up into boys who like to play catch with me. What if there were no boys to play catch with?

Yes, I’m listening person.

One Israelite mother hid her baby for three months so he wouldn’t get thrown into the Nile. But when she couldn’t hide him any more she put him in a basket, coated it with tar and pitch, and put it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile. The baby’s sister watched at a distance to see what would happen.

Pharaoh’s daughter found the baby and she felt sorry for him because when she opened the basket he was crying. Then the baby’s sister came and offered to get someone to nurse the baby for her – and she went and got her own mother to do it.

When the baby was older he went to live with Pharaoh’s daughter and became her son. Pharaoh’s daughter named her son Moses.

Hey, wait a minute. You mean that mean old king who wanted all the boy babies killed became Moses’ grandfather?

I bet Moses gave him what for when he got bigger.

20 Comments

Posted by Bongo on July 8, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, dogs, Egypt, faith, God, Israelite, Moses, Nile, Pets, Pharaoh