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Tag Archives: Christianity

Tablets of Stone

30 Sep
Moses with the tablets of the Ten Commandments...

Moses with the tablets of the Ten Commandments, painting by Rembrandt (1659) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I guess God didn’t want the Israelites hanging out in one place very long. They had manna and water out of the rock, and they’d chased those nasty old Amalekites away so they had it pretty good. But they moved again.

In the third month after they left Egypt they came to the Desert of Sinai and camped in front of Mt. Sinai.

God told Moses to go up on the mountain to meet with Him, but not to let anyone else come up there. The people stood at the foot of the mountain and it was covered in smoke because the Lord came down on the mountain in fire. Smoke billowed up from the mountain and the whole mountain trembled violently.

I think I’d be running the other way about now. I bet Moses was scared.

I’m listening, person.

Moses was up on the mountain forty days and forty nights.

That’s a long time. What was he doing up there all that time?

He was what? Talking to God for forty days? They must have had a lot of catching up to do.

Yes, I’ll listen.

While Moses was on that mountain God gave him two tablets of stone with the Ten Commandments written on them.

What are the Ten Commandments?

No way! You mean I have to change my ways? I don’t even want to repeat those.

Okay… Here’s what my person says the Ten Commandments are.

  1. Honor your people and always do what they say the first time they say it.
  2. Don’t bark unless you’re chasing away a bad guy.
  3. Don’t chase cats.
  4. Don’t eat the cat’s food.
  5. Don’t eat treats out of the litter box.
  6. Don’t chew on things that don’t belong to you.
  7. Don’t steal food.
  8. Be good when your people leave you alone in the house.
  9. Don’t jump the fence and run off.
  10. No mischief.

Hey person, I can’t follow those. I just can’t. They’re too hard. Especially that “No Mischief” one.

What?! There’s a way around it? How? What do I have to do?

My person says that people can’t follow the Ten Commandments for people any better than I can follow the ones she gave me. She says God had to give people another way to get to heaven because nobody can do it themselves. She says that’s a whole other story but it has to do with God loving us so much that He sent His Son to come down and take our place and die on a cross for us.

You mean God’s Son takes care of it for me?

Woo woo! I’m going to go get into some mischief.

 
22 Comments

Posted by on September 30, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Floating on the Nile

08 Jul
English: Baby Moses rescued from the Nile

English: Baby Moses rescued from the Nile (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Wait a minute person. You mean there’s another baby in the Bible that’s important besides baby Jesus. How can babies be so important? They’re not even big enough to give me loves yet.

Okay, I’ll listen. But this better be good.

My person says a long time ago all the Israelites lived in Egypt and there were lots of them. There was a new king (Pharaoh) in Egypt who was afraid that if war broke out the Israelites would join with Egypt’s enemies, fight against Egypt, and leave the country. So Pharaoh put slave masters over them and made them work really hard.

I hope they got lots of treats for working hard.

My person says they didn’t get any extra treats, but they kept growing in number.

They really need extra treats now.

I am listening, person.

That king must have been really mean because he told the midwives – the what? He told the ladies that help women when they have their babies to kill all the boy babies but let the girl babies live. But the midwives feared God and wouldn’t do it.

So then that mean old king told the Egyptians to throw all the Israelite’s boy babies into the Nile River.

That’s really bad. Boy babies grow up into boys who like to play catch with me. What if there were no boys to play catch with?

Yes, I’m listening person.

One Israelite mother hid her baby for three months so he wouldn’t get thrown into the Nile. But when she couldn’t hide him any more she put him in a basket, coated it with tar and pitch, and put it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile. The baby’s sister watched at a distance to see what would happen.

Pharaoh’s daughter found the baby and she felt sorry for him because when she opened the basket he was crying. Then the baby’s sister came and offered to get someone to nurse the baby for her – and she went and got her own mother to do it.

When the baby was older he went to live with Pharaoh’s daughter and became her son. Pharaoh’s daughter named her son Moses.

Hey, wait a minute. You mean that mean old king who wanted all the boy babies killed became Moses’ grandfather?

I bet Moses gave him what for when he got bigger.

 
20 Comments

Posted by on July 8, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Depend on God

01 Jul

Depend on God dog craftCheck this craft out that my person is doing with her Sunday school kids. Isn’t it cool? I think they should do this craft every week. It’s the best craft ever.

D.O.G. stands for me and it also stands for Depend On God. Hey person, since I’m a dog does that mean I depend on God all the time? If I depend on God will He give me one of those big bones like the dog in the craft has?

I can depend on God for a big bone.

What? I’m supposed to what?

Oh yeah, I’m supposed to be listening to a Bible story now.

They had battles in the Bible? Are they exciting?

Oh, I get it. When people depended on God He helped them win the battles. Did they give their dogs big juicy bones when they won?

Okay, I’ll listen.

King Asa was a king of Judah who depended on God. He did what was right in the eyes of the Lord and commanded Judah to seek the Lord. They had peace in the land and were able to build up and fortify their cities and towns, and to prosper.

King Asa had an army of three hundred thousand men and they all had large shields and spears.

That sounds pretty scary. I bet no one could beat them.

What happened? Zerah the Cushite marched out against them with an even bigger army and three hundred chariots? Oh no!

Asa must have been pretty brave because he went out to meet that big old army and took up battle positions.

What’s going to happen, person?

I am listening.

Asa called out to the Lord his God and asked for help against that big army. And you know what?

The Lord struck down those mean old Cushites and they ran away. And Asa and his army chased them and got lots of plunder.

What’s plunder? Is that like big, juicy bones?

I’m hungry now, person.

They did what? They attacked the herdsmen’s camps and carried off sheep, goats, and camels.

Wow! I bet they needed lots of shepherd dogs to help bring those sheep back. It’s a good thing they got all those juicy bones.

 
23 Comments

Posted by on July 1, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Seeds, Treats, and the Word

24 Jun

Pieter Bruegel the Elder, Landscape with the Parable of the Sower, 1557. Image via Wikipedia

Hey person, are you going to tell me one of those Pair a Bulls again so I can make up a new story to go with it?

Woo woo! Which one are you going to tell me?

I am listening. And I’m sitting too.

My person says that Jesus told a story to a large crowd about a farmer who went out to sow his seed.

Did that farmer put seeds in his sewing machine? Wouldn’t that mess it up?

I’m listening, but…

As the farmer scattered the seed some fell along the path, was trampled on, and the birds ate it.

Oh, I get it now. He didn’t even have a sewing machine.

Yes, I’m listening.

Some of the seed fell on rock and the plants withered because they had no moisture.

All of the plants are withering around here this summer.

Okay, I’ll be quiet.

Some seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants.

Yikes!

Other seed fell on good soil. It grew and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown.

Wow! That’s a big crop.

Is that it? That’s the end of the story?

What? You mean the disciples didn’t even know what the story meant? Jesus had to tell them? What did he say?

The seed is the word of God? Really?

So those along the path heard the word, and then the devil came and took it away from their hearts so they wouldn’t believe and be saved.

Oops! What else?

The ones on the rock receive the word with joy, but they have no root. So they believe for awhile but when a time of testing comes they fall away.

What about the thorns?

Those hear the word but they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they don’t mature.

Am I mature, person? I am, aren’t I?

Okay, what’s the last one?

The seed on the good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.

That’s got to be me. I could grow carrots. I like carrots. Maybe beans.

Is it my turn now, person? Do I get to make up a story?

Okay, here goes. A person took her dog out to play and tossed some treats to him. But the person was a lousy shot.

The first treat landed way past where the dog was. A crafty coyote ate the treat before the dog could get to it.

The next treat fell in the road and a car ran over it and smashed it to smithereens.

Another treat fell in the middle of a prickly pear cactus and the dog couldn’t get it because there were too many pricklers in the way.

But the person finally learned how to throw right and the dog caught the next treat, and got so many more treats after that that he shared the treats with his friends.

Hey person, that made me hungry. Can you get me a treat? Just make sure you aim right when you toss it to me.

 
26 Comments

Posted by on June 24, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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The Prodigal Dog

17 Jun

The Return of the Prodigal Son (Leonello Spada, Louvre, Paris) Image via Wikipedia

Hey person, will you tell me another one of those stories Jesus told about the two bulls.

Yeah, that’s what I mean. One of those pair a bulls that Jesus told.

My person says one of Jesus’ famous parables is about a son who just wants to party. So he talks his father into giving him his inheritance early and he goes to a faraway land and spends it all partying. After the son’s money is gone there’s a famine in the land and the only job he can get is one feeding pigs.

Hey, there’s animals in this story. Did he get all muddy with the pigs?

I am listening person.

He what? He didn’t have anything to eat? Those pigs had something to eat.

Okay. I’ll listen.

The son decided to go home and work for his father like a hired servant. At least he would have something to eat. But when he was still a long way off his father saw him and ran to him. He was so happy that his son was home that he treated him royally and had a big feast for him.

The older son, who had been home serving his father the whole time got really upset that his younger brother, who had squandered all his father’s money, was getting a feast in his honor. The older son felt that he’d never had such special treatment and he’d always done everything right.

Didn’t that older son even get a birthday party?

Okay, I’m listening. I promise.

The father told the older son that he has always been with him, and everything the father has belongs to the older son. But his brother was dead and now is alive, was lost and is found.

Hey person, can I try updating this story so my friends will understand it better?

Okay, here goes.

A young pup talked his person into giving him an extra share of meaty bones and then he ran off with them. He had a big party and treated his friends to some of the bones and gave some to girl dogs so they’d let him make more young pups.

Then he ran out of bones and he couldn’t find anything to eat. His friends he’d shared his bones with had all disappeared and the girl dogs were too busy feeding their puppies.

So he tucked his tail between his legs and headed back home, hoping he could do something to earn his keep and his person would let him stay.

When he got close to home his person saw him and ran out to him. His person gave him a great big bowl of the best dog food and some more meaty bones too.

But the other dog that lived there got really upset. He was always a good dog and he didn’t get any meaty bones.

The dog’s person gave the other dog some loves and told him he always had a home and love there, but he had thought the young pup was dead or lost, and now he was alive and found.

Hey person, if I run off and come back will you give me some meaty bones?

 
22 Comments

Posted by on June 17, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, dogs, humor

 

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Modern Day Pair a Bulls

10 Jun
The Good Samaritan by Rembrandt (1630) shows t...

The Good Samaritan by Rembrandt (1630) shows the Good Samaritan making arrangements with the innkeeper.  (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What person, you mean Jesus told lots of stories? I like to tell stories. Does that make me like Jesus?

He told what? Para what? Parables? What would Jesus want two bulls for? At least he’s telling stories about animals.

A parable is a what? A story that teaches something? What would it teach?

Okay, I’ll listen.

My person says one of Jesus’ most famous parables is about the Good Samaritan. Jesus told this story because he was discussing the most important commandments and the second most important is to love your neighbor as yourself.

Hey person, I love my neighbor. I love everyone who gives me loves.

I’m listening, person.

Someone asked Jesus who his neighbor was, so Jesus told this story. But my person says he told stories about things that the people of his day could relate to that we might not know about today. She promised she would explain them to me. You better, person.

My person says a man was traveling when robbers attacked and beat him and left him on the side of the road half dead.

A priest came by and saw the man and passed by on the other side of the road.

Then a Levite came by, saw the man and passed by on the other side as well.

Hey person, what’s a Levite?

It is? My person said that Levites were people that worked for God in the temple. I thought people like that would want to stop and help.

Okay, I’m listening – but I don’t get that priest and that Levite, leaving that poor man there. What’s going to happen to him?

He did? A Samaritan came by? What’s a Samaritan?

The Jewish people that Jesus was telling the story to hated Samaritans? They wouldn’t have anything to do with them? Oh no, that poor man is really in trouble. If the priest and Levite won’t stop I bet that Samaritan is going to go running by?

He did? That Samaritan stopped to help? And he even took the poor man to an inn and paid for him to stay there until he was better?

So I guess that Samaritan was the best neighbor, wasn’t he?

But person, if Jesus told a story that people of his time would understand, maybe we should change the story so people today will understand it better.

Okay, here goes.

A dog was walking along a trail and coyotes came and attacked it and left it half dead.

A guide dog came by, sniffed at the dog and walked on.

Then a service dog came by and did the same thing.

But a pit bull came by, licked the dog’s wounds, and found the dog’s collar that had ended up in the bushes. The pit bull got his person to take the dog to the vet, and gave the collar to the vet so they could contact the hurt dog’s person.

Do you think that story will make more sense? I even put a pit bull in with the pair a bulls.

 

 
20 Comments

Posted by on June 10, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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The Writing on the Wall

27 May
Belshazzar's Feast depicts a vision described ...

Belshazzar’s Feast depicts a vision described in the biblical Book of Daniel. –31&src= Daniel 5:1–31 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You mean this Bible story started with a party? I didn’t know they had parties in the Bible?

It was a king who was having the party? I thought kings were too busy to have parties. I want a party. Can I have a dog party? I could invite all my dog blogging friends and all my trail dog friends over for a big party.

I am listening, person. I can listen and have a party too.

When King Belshazzar was king of Babylon he gave a big party and dogs weren’t invited. I’m not very happy about that.

Okay person, I’ll pay attention to the story.

King Belshazzar had the gold and silver goblets that had been taken from the temple in Jerusalem brought in, and everybody at the party drank wine from them. While they were drinking they praised the gods of gold and silver, bronze, iron, wood and stone. Why didn’t they praise the gods of dogs?

Okay person, I’ll listen.

While they were having this big party and praising all those gods, the fingers of a human hand appeared and wrote on the wall. The king got so scared his face turned pale, his knees knocked together, and his legs gave way. He promised great reward for anyone who could read the writing and tell him what it meant, but no one could.

Then the queen told the king that Daniel could tell him what the writing meant, so the king called for Daniel. Is this the same Daniel who ate all those vegetables? Maybe he’ll give me all the meat that he’s not eating.

Person, I can think about meat now. The story’s on pause while they wait for Daniel to get there. I guess he didn’t eat meat or go to parties.

When Daniel got there he gave that king what for and told him he had set himself against the Lord of heaven because everyone had drunk from the goblets of his temple and praised gods which cannot see, hear, or understand.

Daniel said God sent the hand that wrote on the wall, and the message said that God has brought King Belshazzar’s reign to an end and given it to the Medes and the Persians, because God was not happy with the king.

That very night King Belshazzar was killed and Darius the Mede took over the kingdom.

Hey person, I guess I don’t need a dog party after all.

 
21 Comments

Posted by on May 27, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Meat or Vegetables?

13 May
Daniel refusing the King's Food

Daniel refusing the King’s Food (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My person told me about someone in the Bible that I haven’t heard of before, but what he did doesn’t make sense to me. I think he’s crazy.

Person, I wouldn’t have done what Daniel did. It makes it hard to tell the story.

Okay, I’ll tell it the way you said it happened.

Daniel lived in Jerusalem at a time when Nebuchadnezzar, the king of Babylon came and besieged it. Hey person, what does besieged mean? I be seeing it? Did King Nebuchadnezzar come to see Jerusalem?

Okay, I’ll just tell the story.

King Nebuchadnezzar ordered the chief of his court officials to bring some Israelites from the royal family and the nobility back to Babylon with him. He was supposed to pick young men who were smart and handsome. Some of those he picked were Daniel and three of his friends.

They had to what? My person says they had to walk over 500 miles to get to Babylon. I like walks but I don’t think I’d want to walk that far. Why didn’t they just get in a car, person?

Okay, I’ll tell the story. This is the part I don’t get. The king offered Daniel and his friends all kinds of good stuff to eat. Lots of meat and stuff. Mmmm. Yummy!

And you know what Daniel did? He turned it down. Now that just doesn’t make sense to me.

My person says Daniel probably didn’t want the king’s food because some of it had been offered to idols, and it hadn’t been prepared the way God told the Israelites to prepare their food.

Daniel asked the chief official if he and his friends could have permission not to eat that food, but the chief official said he was afraid of the king, and the king had assigned the food to them. So Daniel made a deal with the chief official. He asked for him and his friends to be given nothing but vegetables and water for ten days, and then to compare their appearance with that of the young men who ate the royal food.

And this is the really sad part. At the end of ten days Daniel and his friends looked healthier and better nourished than the other young men, so they were allowed to honor God by eating vegetables instead of that really good food.

Person, I don’t like this story at all. I think you’re trying to turn everyone into vegetarians. No way am I giving up all the yummy stuff.

 
30 Comments

Posted by on May 13, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Prison Song

06 May
Paul and Silas with the Jailer

Paul and Silas with the Jailer – Artist Unknown

Hey person, whatever happened to that Saul guy? You know, the one that Jesus struck blind on the road to Damascus?

Who’s Paul? I’m talking about Saul.

What? They’re the same person? Now I’m confused. How come he has two names?

So most people called him Paul after he met Jesus? Was that because he was like a different person? So what happened to him after that?

He got to go on road trips? I want to go on a road trip. You haven’t taken me anywhere in a long time. Except on my trails, that is.

Where did he go on those road trips? Did he have a really cool car? Maybe he had a 4Runner like ours.

They what!? They didn’t have any cars then? They had to walk everywhere? What’s wrong with them? I don’t want to go on that kind of road trip. So where’d he walk to?

Why would he do that? He walked to different cities to tell people about Jesus and start churches? And it took days to get to some of those places? Boy, he was dedicated. I’m sure glad I don’t have to walk all those places.

Okay, I’m listening.

My person says one of the places Paul went was called Philippi. He and his friends met a slave girl who had a spirit in her that could predict the future. She was making lots of money for her owners, but she kept following Paul and his friends around and bothering them. Finally, in the name of Jesus, Paul commanded that spirit to come out of the girl.

I hope Paul gave that spirit what for when it came out of the girl.

Okay person, I’m listening.

The owners were really mad because now they couldn’t make any money off that girl, so they dragged Paul and his friend Silas to the authorities where they were beaten and put in prison.

Ouch! I bet Paul and Silas were pretty upset.

They what? They prayed and sang hymns? In the prison? At midnight? I don’t get it person. I would be howling.

My person says there was a big earthquake when Paul and Silas were singing and all the prison doors flew open. The jailer thought all the prisoners had escaped and was about to kill himself because he would be executed for letting the prisoners go.

Wow, I wouldn’t want his job.

Paul told the jailer not to kill himself because all the prisoners were still there. Then the jailer asked Paul and Silas what he must do to be saved.

Person, what does he need to be saved from. Was there going to be another earthquake?

I am listening.

Paul and Silas told the jailer, “Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved.”

They told the jailer and his household about Jesus. Then the jailer washed their wounds and he and his family were baptized. He took Paul and Silas to his house and fed them and was filled with joy because he and his family had come to believe in God.

Hey person, if I tell someone about God will I get a midnight meal too?

 
19 Comments

Posted by on May 6, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Jump the Fence

29 Apr
The Liberation of St Peter. Museo Nazionale di...

The Liberation of St Peter. Museo Nazionale di Capodimonte, Naples. Regarded as Battistello’s masterpiece, it vividly captures the emotion of the scene as Peter is led from prison by an angel. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I don’t get it person. Do you mean to tell me that Peter, that guy who tried to walk to Jesus on the water, and told Jesus he loved him, got arrested and put in prison? Why would anyone put Peter in prison? Who did it? I want to give them what for.

That mean old King Herod did it? I’m for sure going to give him what for. He’s really nasty. Didn’t he want to kill Jesus when he was a baby?

What? Now I’m totally confused. That wasn’t the same King Herod? That other King Herod was this King Herod’s grandfather? So grandson Herod was a meanie like his grandfather and put Peter in prison.

Is being in prison kind of like being locked in a tiny fenced yard with no way to jump the fence?

What? It was worse? Peter was chained between two soldiers and there were guards making sure he didn’t jump the fence?

What’s the good part? That sounds pretty bad to me.

The church offered constant prayer to God for Peter? What good will that do? Will prayer help Peter jump the fence? He’d have to drag those two guards with him. I can’t even drag you over the fence when you grab hold of me.

Well, my person says that prayer did do some good because when Peter was sleeping an angel of the Lord stood by him and a light shone in the prison. The angel woke Peter up and told him to get up quickly. And you know what? Those chains fell off Peter’s hands.

Then that angel told Peter to get dressed and follow him. Peter thought he was seeing a vision and that the angel wasn’t real, but he followed him anyway. They went past two guard posts and came to the iron gate that leads to the city. And that gate opened all by itself. I wish the gate in my yard would open by itself.

Okay person, I’ll listen.

They went down a street and the angel left. Peter finally realized that everything that had happened was real and he was free.

Hey person, if it was those prayers from the church that sent the angel to free Peter, do you think you could pray that an angel would come let me out so I can run free. I’ll come back when I’m tired. I promise.

 
23 Comments

Posted by on April 29, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, dogs, humor

 

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