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Tag Archives: Ten Commandments

Replaced Commandments

Moses with Radiant Face (1638 painting by José...

Moses with Radiant Face (1638 painting by José de Ribera) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, Moses broke those tablets with the Ten Commandments on them when he got so mad about the golden calf and all the partying – so now what?

How are those people going to know what the rules are if they’re already broken before they get them?

They what? They broke one of the commandments before they even got it – and that’s why Moses was so mad?

Those people had better get their act together. But how are they going to do it?

He did? Moses went back up the mountain? I bet he was worn out. He must have been huffing and puffing the second time.

Oh. My person says God told Moses to chisel two stone tablets like the first ones so He could write on them again.

So Moses got some rest from climbing that mountain. I bet he chiseled those tablets really slow so he had time to catch his breath.

Moses stayed on that mountain with God for another forty days and forty nights without eating bread or drinking water.

That’s a long time. I bet he ran to the nearest stream when he came back down that mountain.

I am listening.

When Moses came down that mountain with the two tablets after speaking to the Lord his face was shining but he didn’t know it.

I bet he wondered what was going on. All the people must have been staring and pointing at him and whispering to each other.

I’m listening. But do you think Moses needs to powder his shiny face?

Okay, I’ll be serious.

He did? Moses put a veil on his face when he was with the people, but every time he went to speak with the Lord he took the veil off and when he came out his face would be radiant again.

Hey person, that would be cool to talk to God like Moses did. Do you think if I rubbed my face in glitter glue people would believe I did?

 
11 Comments

Posted by on October 14, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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The Golden Calf

The Adoration of the Golden Calf'

The Adoration of the Golden Calf’ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Moses was hanging out on Mt. Sinai talking to God for a very long time and the Israelites got tired of waiting for him to come down.

I think I’d get tired too, person. Patience is not my middle name.

Okay, I’m listening.

So the Israelites went to Moses’ brother Aaron and told him to make gods that would go before them.

Can Aaron do that?

Okay, I’ll listen.

Aaron told the people to give him all their gold earrings and he took the gold and made it into an idol in the shape of a calf, fashioning it with a tool.

You’d think he’d at least make it look like a dog.

Of course I’m listening. I just think they need a few more dogs in this story.

The next day the people sacrificed burnt offerings to that golden calf – it really needs to be a dog – and then they had a big party.

I hope the dogs got the leftovers from the party at least.

I’m listening.

God knew what the people were doing and He told Moses to leave Him alone so He could destroy them. But Moses talked God out of it saying that the Egyptians would say that God just brought the people out of Egypt so He could kill them.

So Moses went down the mountain with the two tablets that had the Ten Commandments on them. But when he saw the calf and the people dancing he threw the tablets down and they broke into pieces at the foot of the mountain.

Then he burned the calf, ground it into powder, scattered it on the water, and made the Israelites drink it.

That must have been some odd tasting steak.

When Moses asked Aaron what the people did to him that caused him to lead them to do something so bad, Aaron said the people didn’t know what happened to Moses and told him to make gods to go before them. So he asked for their gold and threw it into the fire and the calf came out.

See, I told you Aaron should have made a dog. If he didn’t have that calf Aaron and the Israelites wouldn’t have gotten into trouble.

 
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Posted by on October 7, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Tablets of Stone

Moses with the tablets of the Ten Commandments...

Moses with the tablets of the Ten Commandments, painting by Rembrandt (1659) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I guess God didn’t want the Israelites hanging out in one place very long. They had manna and water out of the rock, and they’d chased those nasty old Amalekites away so they had it pretty good. But they moved again.

In the third month after they left Egypt they came to the Desert of Sinai and camped in front of Mt. Sinai.

God told Moses to go up on the mountain to meet with Him, but not to let anyone else come up there. The people stood at the foot of the mountain and it was covered in smoke because the Lord came down on the mountain in fire. Smoke billowed up from the mountain and the whole mountain trembled violently.

I think I’d be running the other way about now. I bet Moses was scared.

I’m listening, person.

Moses was up on the mountain forty days and forty nights.

That’s a long time. What was he doing up there all that time?

He was what? Talking to God for forty days? They must have had a lot of catching up to do.

Yes, I’ll listen.

While Moses was on that mountain God gave him two tablets of stone with the Ten Commandments written on them.

What are the Ten Commandments?

No way! You mean I have to change my ways? I don’t even want to repeat those.

Okay… Here’s what my person says the Ten Commandments are.

  1. Honor your people and always do what they say the first time they say it.
  2. Don’t bark unless you’re chasing away a bad guy.
  3. Don’t chase cats.
  4. Don’t eat the cat’s food.
  5. Don’t eat treats out of the litter box.
  6. Don’t chew on things that don’t belong to you.
  7. Don’t steal food.
  8. Be good when your people leave you alone in the house.
  9. Don’t jump the fence and run off.
  10. No mischief.

Hey person, I can’t follow those. I just can’t. They’re too hard. Especially that “No Mischief” one.

What?! There’s a way around it? How? What do I have to do?

My person says that people can’t follow the Ten Commandments for people any better than I can follow the ones she gave me. She says God had to give people another way to get to heaven because nobody can do it themselves. She says that’s a whole other story but it has to do with God loving us so much that He sent His Son to come down and take our place and die on a cross for us.

You mean God’s Son takes care of it for me?

Woo woo! I’m going to go get into some mischief.

 
22 Comments

Posted by on September 30, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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