RSS

Tag Archives: God

Boat Ride Anyone?

I was really upset when my person told me the Bible story of creation and I found out we were only allowed to eat plants. No meat! It just isn’t fair.

Well, my person told me all that changes so I hope she’s coming through. She said she’d tell me another story and it even has animals in it, but I’m only listening if I get to eat meat.

My person said that this story happened a long time ago and everyone on earth was very bad. Everyone except one man, that is. And God came to this man and told him to build an ark. I asked my person what an ark was and she said it was a big boat. Okay, so is this story about boats or meat?

My person told me to lie down and listen and she’d get to it. I wasn’t very happy about it but I figured I could go to sleep if she kept talking about boats.

This man who had to build the boat was named Noah. It took him a long time to build it because God told him to make a really big boat. My person said he probably wasn’t anywhere near a large lake or the ocean and all the bad people around him probably came and made fun of him.

I don’t know about Noah, but I think I’m ready to give this story up. Boats, bad people, and Noah. I haven’t seen any animals and where’s the beef?

I started to walk away and my person grabbed me by the collar and made me stay. Then she told me that not only did God tell Noah to build a big boat, He also told Noah to collect two of every kind of animal. When Noah finished the boat they’d all get in it and go for a ride.

I’m not sure I’d want to ride in a boat. I might get seasick. I guess I’d be okay in Noah’s boat though. It didn’t have a sea to make me sick.

My person said all that changed. When Noah finished the boat and he and his family and all the animals got inside, God made it start raining – a bunch. And that rain kept up for forty days and forty nights and flooded everything and wiped out all the bad people. But Noah and all those animals had to stay on that boat for a year before all that water went away.

Finally God told Noah that everybody could leave the ark, and He promised Noah and all the animals that He wouldn’t send a flood like that again. He said His rainbow would be the sign of His promise.

I still felt very hungry and started to head toward the door so my person could let me outside when she said the story wasn’t quite over. I turned around and looked at her. She said that in the beginning God had given all the green plants to eat. When Noah and everybody got off the boat, God told them they could also eat meat.

Yes!!! I’m saved. I’m pushing the veggies aside. Please pass the meat platter.

24 Comments

Posted by Bongo on November 13, 2011 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Boat, dogs, faith, God, Noah, Pets

What’s for Dinner?

06 Nov

My person told me that God created the earth in six days and then rested the next day. She said He created different things on different days, but you know what? She said dogs and people were created on the same day. Isn’t that cool? My person also told me that all of us animals were brought to the first man, Adam, so he could name us.

I was really excited to hear about that first man who named me dog, which is God in reverse. I thought he must think I was very special to somehow put God in my name, but then my person told me that probably wasn’t the case at all. She said that man didn’t know English and would have had very different words for God and dog. I don’t quite get it. I thought there were only two languages – people language and dog language. Okay Scratchy, cat language too.

My person said that God told the first people to rule over all the animals but she said this doesn’t mean that people should be mean to animals. She said that God made people in His image and he meant for them to rule over the animals the way He would Himself. God loves what He created and wants his creation, including us animals, taken care of. My person says sometimes that means she has to do something I don’t like, like keeping me on a leash so I won’t run off and get into trouble. She also said it could mean that pets should be spayed or neutered so there aren’t too many and the ones that are around can all find good homes. Is that why I had those things cut off?

There’s something my person told me that really bothers me though. She said God gave all the creatures on the earth every green plant for food. That’s it? No meat? No way! What am I gonna do? My person said all that changed but she’s making me wait. She said that’s another story. I suppose she’s going to tell me next that lions are going to invite lambs over for dinner and actually give them something to eat. Scratchy, you want some of my plants for dinner?

14 Comments

Posted by Bongo on November 6, 2011 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: dogs, faith, God, Neutering, Pet

Dog Lapping Heroes

30 Oct

My person keeps wanting to tell me stories from the Bible and she said this one doesn’t have any animals in it so I’m not sure if I want to hear it. I started to walk away until she told me there were three hundred men in the story who lapped water like dogs, and they were real heroes.

Okay, I’m listening now. If I can do what I do anyway and be a hero I want to know how.

My person said it all started with a dude named Gideon. He was minding his own business threshing wheat in a winepress (I think there’s something wrong with this picture) when the Angel of the Lord came to him and told him he –Gideon – was going to save his people from the Midianites. So now we have a dude and an angel in a winepress surrounded by a bunch of wheat. There’s really something wrong with this picture. Okay, back to that winepress thing – my person said Gideon was hiding in there so the Midianites wouldn’t steal his wheat – they did things like that.

Well Gideon looked at that Angel of the Lord and said, “Who me?”

And the Angel of the Lord said, “Yes, you.”

Gideon said, “Couldn’t be,” and tried to talk his way out of it.

Well that angel wouldn’t go for it, and Gideon knew if he didn’t do something it might just be him and that angel in the winepress and no wheat. He didn’t know if angels got hungry but he sure did, so Gideon got a bunch of guys together and started out after the Midianites. But the Lord told Gideon he had too many dudes, so Gideon let all the scared dudes go home and kept the brave ones. The Lord told Gideon he still had too many and he could only keep the ones who lapped water like a dog. I like those guys, really I do.

Gideon started out with thirty two thousand fighting guys and now he only had three hundred left, and the Lord said that was just right. I guess the Lord knows what He’s talking about, but that Midianite army was bigger than I’d want to tackle with a few dog lapping guys. Well, they waited until it was good and dark and snuck up on the Midianite’s camp. They blew their trumpets and let their torches shine and shouted, “The sword of the Lord and of Gideon.”

You know what? Those Midianites were so scared of those lapping water dudes that they went after each other and then they ran away.

I’d like to chase a whole army away, but when I lap water all I seem to manage to chase away is Scratchy the cat and the dry floor.

12 Comments

Posted by Bongo on October 30, 2011 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Dog, faith, Gideon, God

Save the Animals

23 Oct

Nineveh

My person told me that animals are important to God and that there are lots of animal stories in the Bible. I didn’t believe her. Animals can’t read so why would they be in a book. My person told me you don’t have to be able to read – someone else can still write about you. Then she told me a story.

A long time ago there was a big city called Nineveh. Nineveh was full of bad people and because they were so bad God thought they needed to be destroyed. But God decided to give them one last chance so he told this dude named Jonah to go to Nineveh and tell the people to repent.

Okay, okay – my person said this was about animals. I told my person she’d better stop telling me this story if it’s not going to be about animals. She told me to have patience, but she already knows that patience is not my middle name.

She finally put an animal in the story but it was a fish. I like fish – for dinner. Well, this fish decided to have Jonah for dinner. Jonah didn’t want to go to Nineveh because the people were so bad – so he got on a ship going the other direction. That made the fish happy because he got hold of Jonah and swallowed him. God wouldn’t let the fish keep Jonah though. He made that fish swim back to shore and spit Jonah out.

Okay – so there’s a hungry fish in the story. So what? My person said to have patience – there will be more animals. I’m rolling my eyes now. Finally that dude Jonah made it to Nineveh and told the people they had to change their ways – or else. The king of Nineveh made all the people and animals stop eating and drinking and put on sackcloth (ugly costumes) and call on God. Okay finally – there’s some animals with an important role even if they do have to go hungry and thirsty and wear ugly costumes.

Nineveh turned from its evil ways (I think it’s hard to be bad when you’re wearing ugly costumes – people laugh at you) and God told Jonah that He was happy that all the people and animals had been saved.

Jonah wasn’t very happy though. I think that fish needs to swallow him for good this time.

P.S. One of my blogging friends invited me to be a guest on her blog. It’s all about how I came to live with my people. You can find it here: http://thewriteplacethewritetime.wordpress.com/guest-bloggers/introducing-bongo/. After you read my story check out the rest of her blog too.

8 Comments

Posted by Bongo on October 23, 2011 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Book of Jonah, faith, Fish, God, Jonah, Nineveh

A Gentle Whisper

14 Oct

I can’t spell but my person told me that Dog spelled backwards is God. I don’t know what that means. Maybe it means that I’m the opposite of God, my thoughts about God are backwards (not sure that I have any), or that I need God? I think I do need God, but I don’t know how to go about finding Him. I thought maybe I’d turn some God thoughts into dog thoughts and see what happens.

The Lord said, “Go stand in your living room in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful vacuum cleaner tore through the living room and pushed my toys out of the way, but the Lord was not in the vacuum cleaner. After the vacuum cleaner came rain and hail beating down on the roof, but the Lord was not in the rain and hail. After the rain and hail came very loud thunder, but the Lord was not in the thunder. After the thunder came a gentle whisper.

I was barked out from the vacuum cleaner and shaking from the thunder and other noisy things. Gentle whispers are nice, but I’m still not sure if God talks to dogs. I kind of stole that story and my person says I have to tell you where I got it from so I’m not guilty of plagiarism (what’s that?). Okay, here goes. The story came from I Kings 19:11-12 in the Bible. I just changed a few words so it made more sense to me.

This has been hard on my brain. I think I’ll go to sleep now. I hope that gentle whisker doesn’t tickle me.

4 Comments

Posted by Bongo on October 14, 2011 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, dogs, faith, God, Pets