Tag Archives: Balaam

Who’s Talking?

Jesus entering Jerusalem on a donkey

What kind of day is it today, person? What’s a Palm Sunday? Is that when you give me loves all day with the palm of your hand?

Well, what is it then?

He did? Jesus rode on a donkey? Hey, there’s an animal in this story. I think I’m going to like it. Does this donkey talk like Balaam’s donkey?

Okay, I’ll listen.

My person says Jesus came riding into Jerusalem on a donkey and the people were happy to see him because of the miracles he had done. They spread their cloaks and branches on the road before Jesus and they took palm branches and went out to meet him.

Oh, now I get it. That’s why it’s called Palm Sunday because of the palm branches. What’s a palm branch, person? I don’t think I’ve seen one of those.

Why do they grow in Phoenix, but not here? Can we go to Phoenix so I can see palm branches?

Okay, I’m listening.

When Jesus and the donkey came by the people shouted, “Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!”

Some of the Pharisees (the guys who didn’t like Jesus because he gave them what for) told Jesus to tell his disciples to be quiet. You know what Jesus said? He said, “If they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”

You mean the donkey doesn’t talk, but the stones do?


Posted by on April 1, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor


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Save the Donkey

The Prophet Balaam and the Ass, by Rembrandt v...

A donkey did what? No way!

Okay person, I’ll tell this story without skipping over parts. I just can’t get over that donkey. I want to talk about the donkey.

Okay, I’ll wait. My person says when the Israelites were following Moses, the King of Moab became afraid of them. He thought they were going to wipe out his country. So he sent messengers to a diviner named Balaam to come and put a curse on them. But God told Balaam not to put a curse on the Israelites because they were blessed. Am I blessed person? I think I should be blessed too.

Okay, I’ll go back to the story. So Balaam said he couldn’t go with those messengers.

Those messengers went back to the king and told him Balaam wouldn’t come, so what did that king do? He sent even more messengers and told Balaam he would reward him handsomely. This time God told him to go, but to only do what He told him to do.

Hey person. Do you think Balaam wanted the money more than he wanted to do what God said? Because I think God knew Balaam was up to something. Was he up to no good?

Because God sent an angel to block his way. And the angel had his sword drawn.

Well, Balaam couldn’t see the angel but his donkey could. His donkey turned off the road and Balaam beat her. That poor donkey. All she was trying to do was save Balaam.

After that the angel of the Lord stood in a narrow path. The donkey pressed close to a wall and crushed Balaam’s foot. So he beat her again. I think I’m going to give Balaam what for.

Then that angel moved to a place where there was no way around so that donkey laid down under Balaam. And Balaam beat her with his staff.

Then God made the donkey so she could talk. This is so cool! That donkey asked Balaam why he was beating her.

Balaam actually answered his donkey and said if he’d had a sword he would kill her for making a fool of him.

The donkey asked the mean old Balaam if she hadn’t been a good donkey that didn’t normally act this way.

Balaam agreed this was not the way the donkey normally acted, and then the Lord let him see the angel. That angel gave Balaam what for and told him if his donkey hadn’t saved him he would have killed Balaam, but not the donkey.

I think Balaam got off lucky. That donkey and angel should have given him a really good talking to and then given him what for some more.

Hey person, if I let you ride on me do you think an angel would show up and teach me to talk?


Posted by on March 18, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor


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