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Tag Archives: Bible

Drowning Pigs

26 May

After Jesus calmed that storm and they let some fish jump into their boat and had a fish feast…

What do you mean, I’m making that part up?

I know it doesn’t say anything in that part of the Bible about anybody eating fish, but you know they must have.

You can believe what you want. I prefer to believe that they ate fish – and invited me to the feast.

***

After Jesus calmed the storm they sailed to the other side of the Sea of Galilee, to the region of the Gerasenes.

And this dude came out to meet Jesus.

***

Didn’t lots of people come out to meet Jesus?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

This dude had an evil spirit and lived in the tombs. He had often been chained hand and foot but he broke the chains and no one was strong enough to subdue him. He would cry out night and day and cut himself with stones.

***

Wow, that’s some scary dude. If I was Jesus I’d run back to the boat and head back home.

He stayed there? Did he have his tail between his legs?

I am listening.

***

The man ran to Jesus and fell on his knees in front of him. He shouted at the top of his voice, “What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I beg you, don’t torture me!” For Jesus had commanded the evil spirit to come out of the man.

Jesus asked the man his name and the man said Legion, because many demons had gone into him.

***

That would be pretty squishy for all those demons to fit inside one man. I wonder how they got along with each other.

I’m listening, but I’ve got to make comments sometimes.

***

The demons begged Jesus not to send them into the Abyss. There was a large herd of pigs feeding on the hillside and the demons begged Jesus to let them go into the pigs. Jesus let them, and as soon as they went into the pigs, they rushed down the steep bank into the lake and were drowned.

***

What a waste of a lot of good bacon.

I can swim. Could I go retrieve some pigs?

Yes, I’ll listen.

***

The people tending the pigs ran off to report what had happened and people came to see what was going on. When the people came to meet Jesus they found the man who had been possessed by demons sitting there, dressed and in his right mind.

The people asked Jesus to leave because they were afraid.

The man Jesus had cured begged to go with him, but Jesus told him to return home and tell how much God had done for him. So that’s what the man did, and all the people were amazed.

***

You’re not done with the story are you?

What about those pigs?

13 Comments

Posted by Bongo on May 26, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, Demon, dogs, Fish, Jesus, Legion, Pets, Pig, Sea of Galilee

Bird Seed

12 May

Soil (Photo credit: arimoore)

Jesus told a story about bird seed?

He did too. He was by the lake and so many people came that he got in a boat and told them stories while they stood on the shore.

You know, those stories with two bulls in them – those pair a bulls.

But this story wasn’t about bulls, it was about bird seed.

***

A farmer went out to sow his seed. Some of the seed fell along the path and the birds came and ate it up.

***

See, I told you it was a story about bird seed.

What do you mean, there’s more to the story?

***

Some of the farmer’s seed fell in rocky places without much soil. It grew quickly, but when the sun came out the plants withered because they had no root.

***

I don’t get it. I understand bird seed – but rock seed?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Some of the seed fell among thorns which grew up and choked the plants.

***

Maybe the birds could eat the thorn seeds.

I am listening.

***

Some of the seed fell on good soil and produced a crop – a hundred, sixty, or thirty times what was sown.

***

I sure hope that crop was of something I like to eat.

There’s more to the story? I’ve still got to listen?

But I was getting ready to eat.

***

Jesus disciples asked him what the parable meant and He told them.

Jesus said that the seed is the word of God. Those on the path hear the word, but then the devil takes the word from their hearts so they won’t believe and be saved.

***

You mean those birds are the devil? I thought I saw a few birds looking at me with the evil eye.

***

Those on the rock receive the word with joy, but since they have no root they fall away when things get hard.

***

It’s really rocky where I live. I wonder if that takes everybody’s joy away. It takes mine away when a little rock gets stuck in my paw.

I am too listening.

***

The thorns are those who hear but worries, and money, and stuff become more important to them.

***

Does that include food?

***

The seed on the good soil stands for those who hear the word, understand it, stick with it, and produce a crop.

***

Oh, I get it now. When the word falls on good soil, that means more food.

Come on everybody, get away from that path, and those rocks, and the thorns. You’ve got to hang out on the good soil.

Get moving. I’m waiting for the food.

25 Comments

Posted by Bongo on May 12, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, dogs, Jesus, parable, Pets, Seed, Soil

Dinner at Last

05 May

Deutsch: Christus im Hause des Pharisäers, Jacopo Tintoretto, Escorial (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Finally! Jesus is going to dinner. I think I’ll tag along and pretend I’m his dog. They’ll have to let me in.

What do you mean they might not let dogs come? They let that lady come and she wasn’t even invited.

Yes, I’ll listen to the story.

***

A Pharisee named Simon invited Jesus to dinner.

***

I wonder if they’re having fish for dinner.

I’m listening – I’m listening.

***

A woman who’d lived a sinful life found out Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house. She showed up with an alabaster jar of perfume.

***

I hope they invited her in and gave her some fish.

I am too listening.

***

The woman stood at Jesus’ feet weeping. She began to wet His feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them, and poured perfume on them.

Simon the Pharisee thought to himself that if Jesus was really a prophet He would know that this woman who touched Him was a sinner.

***

I wouldn’t care who that woman was if I got loves. Maybe not on the feet though.

Can I get loves while I listen?

***

Jesus knew what Simon was thinking and He told Simon a story.

“Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both.”

Then Jesus asked Simon which of the two would love the moneylender more.

Simon replied that he thought it would be the one with the bigger debt canceled and Jesus told him he was right.

***

This is where Jesus gives Simon what for, isn’t it?

I am listening. I’m just trying to help you along.

***

Jesus told Simon that when He came into his house Simon hadn’t given him any water to wash His feet, but the woman had washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. Simon had not given Jesus a kiss, but the woman had not stopped kissing His feet. Simon had not put oil on Jesus’ head, but the woman poured perfume on His feet.

Jesus told the woman her many sins were forgiven because she had loved much. And He said that he who has been forgiven little loves little.

The other dinner guests began mumbling among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

***

Would Jesus forgive my sins? I’ll kiss His feet.

Oh wait, I forgot. I’m the perfect dog. I don’t have any sins to forgive.

***

Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

***

I think that woman should have kept hanging out. She probably would have gotten some fish. Oh well, that’s okay. All the more for me.

15 Comments

Posted by Bongo on May 5, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, dogs, faith, Forgiveness, Jesus, Pets, Pharisee, Simon, Sin

Say the Word

28 Apr

English: Jesus healing the servant of a Centurion by Paolo Veronese Source: http://www.artst.org/mannerism/veronese/ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Is Jesus having another fish dinner yet?

What do you mean, I’m out of luck? I know Jesus can have fish dinner whenever He wants.

Oh, He healed somebody else? But it was different than before?

I guess I’ll listen. I like miracles.

***

There was a Roman centurion in Capernaum who was highly thought of by the Jews. He loved the nation of Israel and had built a synagogue for them.

***

Did he give treats to the dogs?

Yes, I’m listening.

***

This centurion had a servant whom he valued highly who was sick and about to die. When he heard of Jesus he sent some of the elders of the Jews to Him, asking Him if he would heal the servant. The Jews told Jesus that the man deserved to have Him do this.

Jesus went with the men, but when he was near the house the centurion sent some friends to tell Jesus that he didn’t deserve to have him come under his roof, and that he hadn’t come himself because he didn’t feel worthy to come to Jesus.

***

Jesus could come to my house then.

As long as he brings fish, that is.

I am listening.

***

The centurion told Jesus to say the word, and his servant would be healed.

***

What if Jesus said the word and fish appeared?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus was amazed at this centurion and He turned to the crowd following Him and said, “I tell you the truth, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith.”

The men the centurion had sent returned to the house and found the servant well.

***

Good. Jesus is finished healing. I bet he’s hungry now. I think I’ll go hang around and see if I can get an invite to dinner.

21 Comments

Posted by Bongo on April 28, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Capernaum, Centurion, Christianity, dogs, faith, Fish, Israel, Jesus, Jews

Follow Me

14 Apr

Hey person, did Jesus ever get that hole in the roof fixed after he healed that guy who couldn’t walk?

What? The Bible doesn’t say anything about it? How am I supposed to sleep at night if I’m worried if there’s still a hole in the roof or not?

Jesus did what?

He signed up another disciple? Didn’t he have enough already?

Did this new disciple catch a lot of fish too?

I’ll listen if there’s fish.

There’s food in the story? Okay, I’ll listen.

***

In Jesus’ day the Israelites hated the Roman government that ruled over them because the Roman’s were very oppressive. They also hated the tax collectors because they were collecting taxes for the Roman government. These tax collectors were Jews who not only worked for the Roman government, but usually collected more tax than required and kept the extra for themselves.

***

What does that have to do with food?

The food is coming?

I’ll listen then.

***

Jesus saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector’s booth and he said to him, “Follow me.”

***

Why would Jesus want someone nobody liked on his team? Wouldn’t that put him at a disadvantage?

***

The food’s almost here?

I’ll listen then.

***

Matthew got up and followed Jesus and then invited Jesus to dinner at his house.

***

Do you think Matthew would invite me too?

I’ll listen, but do you mind if I drool while I’m listening?

I can’t help it if I drool, but if you give me a treat I might stop.

***

Matthew also invited a bunch of tax collectors and “sinners” to have dinner with them. Some of the religious people called Pharisees saw this and asked Jesus’ disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?”

***

I’d eat with them too as long as they shared their food – and gave me loves.

I am listening.

***

Jesus heard the Pharisee’s question and said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

***

Does that mean that Jesus still loves me even when I’m getting into mischief?

Woo woo! Jesus loves me! I hope he’ll bring me some fish.

18 Comments

Posted by Bongo on April 14, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, Disciple (Christianity), dogs, Jesus, Matthew, Pets, Pharisee, Tax collector

A Hole in the Roof

07 Apr

You’re what, person? Now that you told me about Jesus being raised from the dead that’s the end of the story, isn’t it?

It isn’t?

But you’re not going to tell it to me now? You mean I don’t get a Bible story this week?

You’re going to what? Tell me about more of Jesus’ miracles from before he died and rose again?

I like miracles.

***

Jesus had been traveling around Galilee and when he returned to his home in Capernaum so many people came that his whole house was full and even outside the door there was no room left.

Jesus preached to all those people.

***

Did he preach about how they could get more fish?

I was just asking.

***

While Jesus was preaching, four men came carrying a paralytic on a mat.

***

A what?

You mean he can’t move? Poor guy. At least that leper that Jesus healed could leap.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

The house was so crowded that the men couldn’t get the paralyzed man anywhere near Jesus. So they got up on the roof and made an opening in the roof above Jesus.

After digging through, they lowered the man on his mat into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus.

***

Wasn’t Jesus mad about the hole in the roof? What if it rained?

I’m listening.

***

Jesus saw the faith of the four men and said to the paralytic, “Friend, your sins are forgiven.”

***

If I jump through a hole in the roof and land at Jesus’ feet will he forgive my sins? Oh, I forgot. I don’t do anything wrong. It’s always Scratchy.

I am listening.

***

There were some teachers of the law in the crowd who were pretty upset when Jesus forgave the man’s sins because only God can forgive sins. But Jesus knew what they were thinking so He said to them, “Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’?”

Then Jesus said to the paralyzed man, “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.”

The man stood up, took his mat, and went home praising God.

***

Jesus told those teachers of the law a thing or two, didn’t he?

But there’s still one thing I want to know.

Who’s going to fix that hole in the roof?

14 Comments

Posted by Bongo on April 7, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Capernaum, Christianity, dogs, Galilee, healing, Jesus, paralytic, Pets, Sin

Leaping Away

10 Mar

Christ cleansing a leper by Jean-Marie Melchior Doze, 1864

Wait a minute, person. I’m almost finished with all that fish in the boat.

I had to work really hard to eat all that. It took me two weeks. There were a lot of fish.

Okay, I’m ready for another story now. Maybe about some water so I can wash all those fish down.

What? No water? You’re telling me a story about a man who leapt around all day?

He leaped everywhere and couldn’t stop leaping so he asked Jesus to heal him?

I leap around a lot too, but I don’t want Jesus to heal me. Leaping is fun.

Oh. The man didn’t leap, he had leprosy? What kind of a thing is that? It sounds like leaping to me.

***

The man had a really bad skin disease called leprosy. In Jesus’ day people with this disease had to stay far away from other people and if anyone started coming near to them they had to shout, “Unclean, unclean.”

***

Couldn’t they take a bath so they were clean again?

I’m listening.

***

Their disease was what made them unclean. People were afraid to touch them because they were concerned that they might get the disease too.

This man came and knelt before Jesus and said, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”

Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man.

***

Jesus touched him? I thought you said you couldn’t touch those people because you might get that leaping disease.

I am too listening.

***

Jesus said, “I am willing. Be clean!”

Immediately the leprosy left the man and he was healed.

***

Could that man still leap if he wanted to?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus told the man not to tell anyone, but to show himself to the priest. In those days lepers went to the priest when they were healed and the priest was the one who declared them clean.

But the man leaped around and told everyone what Jesus had done for him. Crowds of people came to have Jesus heal them and Jesus often had to withdraw into lonely places in order to pray.

***

Do you think any of those people who came to be healed brought any fish with them?

I know I ate a lot of fish. But I’m going to need some more tomorrow.

12 Comments

Posted by Bongo on March 10, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, Disease, dogs, Fish, Jesus, Leprosy, Lord, Pets, Religion and Spirituality

A Busy Day Healing

03 Mar

The life of Jesus of Nazareth plate 47. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, don’t wait for me. I’m still going after the fish Jesus and his disciples left in the boat.

What do you mean, it’s time for another story? That fish story was good enough for me.

He did? Jesus had a busy day in Capernaum? With more miracles?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

On the Sabbath Jesus went to the synagogue in Capernaum and began to teach. And people were amazed at his teaching because he taught with authority.

And while he was teaching, a man possessed by an evil spirit cried out, “What do you want with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are – the Holy One of God!”

***

I bet Jesus could just pull out his lightsaber and zap that guy. Doesn’t that evil spirit guy know who Jesus is?

Oh, he does know?

And what do you mean, Jesus doesn’t need a lightsaber? That spoils all the fun.

I am listening.

***

Jesus said sternly, “Be quiet! Come out of him.”

The evil spirit threw the man down before everyone there and came out with a shriek.

***

That’s it? Jesus just says a few words and that evil spirit leaves?

That’s pretty cool, but I still wish he used a lightsaber.

God could rewrite the Bible and add lightsabers to it.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

When Jesus left the synagogue he went with James and John to Simon and Andrew’s house. Simon’s mother-in-law was in bed with a fever so Jesus went to her, took her hand, and helped her up. The fever left her and she began to wait on them.

That evening people brought all kinds of sick and demon possessed to Jesus. Jesus laid his hands on each of the sick and healed them, and drove out many demons, but he wouldn’t let the demons speak because they knew who he was.

***

So Jesus could heal with a few words or a touch but he wouldn’t let the demons speak. I wonder what they would do with their words.

If they try to do anything bad I’m going to give them what for.

Okay, I’ll let you finish the story.

***

That night Jesus went to a place by himself to pray and when his disciples found him they all left to go to the nearby villages. They travelled throughout Galilee. Jesus preached the good news of the kingdom, healed every sickness and disease, and drove out demons.

***

That’s it? No lightsabers, no fish, nothing?

I’ll see you later. I’m going back to that boat with all the fish in it.

24 Comments

Posted by Bongo on March 3, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Capernaum, Christianity, Demon, dogs, Fish, Galilee, God, Lightsaber, Pets

A Fish Story

24 Feb

Jesus and the miraculous catch of fish, in the Sea of Galilee, by Raphael (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is it! This is what I’ve been waiting for.

A fish story!

Jesus got into a fishing boat, so there’s gotta be fish around. Right?

Okay, I’ll listen. But can I have some fish treats to munch on while I’m listening?

People eat popcorn at the movies. Shouldn’t dogs be allowed some treats when they hear stories?

***

Jesus was standing by the Sea of Galilee and people were crowding around him and listening to him teach about the word of God. There were two fishing boats there and the fishermen were nearby washing their nets. So Jesus got into the boat belonging to Simon and asked him to put out a little from shore, and he taught the people from the boat.

***

I wish I had been there. I could have gone swimming right up to that boat. Were there any fish in it?

I am listening.

***

When Jesus had finished speaking he told Simon to put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.

But Simon said they’d been working hard all night and hadn’t caught anything.

***

Oh, so there weren’t any fish in that boat. I’m jumping out and swimming back to shore.

***

Because Jesus had told Simon to let down his nets, he did it. And when they did, they caught so many fish that their nets began to break. They had to signal their partners, James and John, to bring their boat over to help them. They filled both boats so full that they began to sink.

***

Guess I’d better swim back and help those boats out now.

I am listening. What did you think I was doing?

***

Simon Peter fell on his knees and said, “Go away from me Lord; I am a sinful man!” because he and his companions were astonished at all the fish they had caught.

But Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Don’t be afraid. From now on you will be fishers of men.”

And they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed Jesus.

***

They left their boats full of fish there? Woo woo! I’m staying with the boats!

19 Comments

Posted by Bongo on February 24, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Boat, Christianity, dogs, faith, Fish, Jesus, Pets, Sea of Galilee

The Nobleman’s Son

10 Feb

Jesus Christ in Capernaum (study) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Jesus went back to where? To Cana? Isn’t that where he turned that water into wine?

Oh no, I’m feeling tipsy already. Can’t Jesus just make some fish juice for me?

Yes, I’ll listen. As soon as you start telling the story.

***

There was a nobleman whose son lay sick and near death in Capernaum. When he heard that Jesus had returned to Galilee from Judea he went and begged Jesus to come and heal his son.

***

Did that nobleman bring a fancy car for Jesus to ride in? Or maybe an airplane?

Oh yeah, I remember you told me they didn’t have cars then. You mean they didn’t have airplanes either?

Yes, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus said to the man, “Unless you people see miraculous signs and wonders you will never believe.”

The nobleman asked Jesus to come before his son died.

***

How long would it take Jesus to walk there?

It was about twenty miles? That’s a long ways. I sure hope that man’s son hangs on. They really should have had an airplane.

I am listening.

***

Jesus told the man that he could go and his son would live. The man took Jesus at his word and left.

***

That man was pretty trusting. How could Jesus know what would happen twenty miles away?

I’ll listen. Just keep telling the story.

***

While the man was still on his way home his servants met him and told him his son was living. When the nobleman asked what time his son got better he learned that it was at the same time that Jesus had said to him, “Your son will live.” So the nobleman and his entire household believed in Jesus.

***

So if Jesus is performing miracles for all these people do you think he will do one for me? I’m still waiting for some fish.

17 Comments

Posted by Bongo on February 10, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Cana, Capernaum, Christianity, dogs, faith, Galilee, Jesus, Pets, Religion and Spirituality