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Not His Sheep

Hey person, I’ve been really good all week. I didn’t dig up any seeds, but no trees have grown for me to leave messages on.

Maybe some other dog dug up that mustard seed that Jesus planted when I wasn’t looking.

You’ve got a new story to tell me?

But I’m still waiting for that mustard seed to grow.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

The Feast of Dedication at Jerusalem had come and Jesus was in the temple area walking in Solomon’s Colonnade. The Jews gathered around him, saying, “How long will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Christ, tell us plainly.”

***

They could have just read the Bible to find out.

I am listening.

***

Jesus answered, “I did tell you, but you do not believe. The miracles I do in my Father’s name speak for me, but you do not believe because you are not my sheep.”

***

Jesus has sheep? I didn’t know He was a shepherd. I thought He was a carpenter.

I’m listening, but I just want to know where the sheep come in.

***

Jesus continued, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.”

***

Okay, so Jesus’ Father got tired of being a carpenter and became a shepherd and then He gave the sheep to Jesus and went back to being a carpenter. I’m all confused.

What? Jesus had two fathers? I give up.

***

The Jews picked up stones to stone Jesus, but Jesus said to them, “I have shown you many great miracles from the Father. For which of these do you stone me?”

***

Oh, now I get it. I think. There’s the miracle Father and the carpenter father. But how come Jesus got so lucky to have two fathers?

If I listen will this make sense?

***

“We are not stoning you for any of these,” replied the Jews, “but for blasphemy, because you, a mere man, claim to be God.”

***

This story is really confusing. First there’s an extra father, and then the Jews want Jesus to tell them something and when He does they want to stone Him.

I don’t think I’d be telling the truth if it meant someone was going to stone me.

***

Jesus answered the Jews, “Is it not written in your Law, ‘I have said you are gods’? If he called them ‘gods,’ to whom the word of God came – and the Scripture cannot be broken – what about the one whom the Father set apart as His very own and sent into the world? Why then do you accuse me of blasphemy because I said, ‘I am God’s Son’? Do not believe me unless I do what my Father does. But if I do it, even though you do not believe me, believe the miracles, that you may know and understand that the Father is in me, and I in the Father.”

***

That’s too many big words for me. I think I’ll just go chase the sheep.

***

Again they tried to seize Jesus, but He escaped their grasp.

***

Hey Jesus, wait for me! I think I found one of your sheep.

22 Comments

Posted by Bongo on November 3, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christ, Christianity, dogs, faith, God, Jerusalem, Jesus, Pets, Sheep

Don’t Get Caught

13 Oct

What do you mean, I need to hear this Bible story and it’s going to teach me a lesson?

I don’t need any lessons. I already know everything I need to know.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus said, “Who then is the faithful and wise manager, whom the master puts in charge of his servants to give them their food allowance at the proper time?”

***

Oh, now I get it. You’re planning to put me in charge of Scratchy’s food allowance.

I’m listening with all ears now.

***

Jesus continued, “It will be good for that servant whom the master finds doing so when he returns. I tell you the truth, he will put him in charge of all his possessions.”

***

This is a trick, isn’t it? To get me not to eat Scratchy’s food. If I actually give Scratchy his food, then I’ll get put in charge of everything. And I can eat all your food and my food too.

This is getting good.

***

Jesus said, “But suppose the servant says to himself, ‘My master is taking a long time in coming,’ and he then begins to beat the menservants and maidservants and to eat and drink and get drunk. The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the unbelievers.”

***

Wait a minute. What are you saying?

You mean that if I get into mischief because I think you’re not coming home for awhile I might get into trouble?

You know Scratchy does all that stuff, don’t you?

Oh. You’re saying it’s like the times you came in when I wasn’t expecting you and you caught me sleeping on the couch.

Okay, I admit I slept on the couch once or twice.

But Scratchy still did all the rest of the stuff.

Maybe you could send Jesus to give Scratchy what for.

7 Comments

Posted by Bongo on October 13, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible story, Christianity, dogs, faith, Food, God, Jesus, Pets, Scratchy

Worrying Never Helps

06 Oct

Hey person, last week you told me one of Jesus’ stories about the man who stored up all his stuff for himself.

Well, it didn’t go so good for him so I decided I’d get rid of some of my stuff.

So if you’ll give me all my treats I’ll eat them and that will be the end of that.

Then I’ll get rid of all my toys. The ones I’ve chewed up, that is.

What do you mean, you’ve already gotten rid of the chewed up ones? How am I supposed to get rid of my stuff if you’ve already done it for me?

Okay, I’ll listen to the next story. But I hope it doesn’t say I have to get rid of even more stuff. I still have some toys that I haven’t chewed up yet.

***

Jesus was talking to His disciples and He said, “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.”

***

Whew! I don’t worry about clothes. But about that eating stuff, I sure hope you remember to feed me on time person.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

Jesus said, “Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.”

***

What is Jesus talking about? Food is everything!

I am too listening.

***

Jesus continued, “Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!

***

I sure hope I’m more valuable than those pesky ravens. They steal eggs from the little bird’s nests.

***

Jesus said, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?”

***

If I don’t worry will that make my life longer? Just make sure you feed me on time, person.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Then Jesus said, “Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith!

***

What’s all this business about clothes? King Solomon can keep all his fancy clothes. Just feed me on time.

***

“And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink,” said Jesus. “Do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek His kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.”

***

So if I seek God’s kingdom I’ll get food and treats and everything? Maybe some new toys too?

10 Comments

Posted by Bongo on October 6, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, dogs, faith, God, Jesus, Pets, Religion and Spirituality, Solomon, Worry

Storing up Stuff

29 Sep

The Parable of the Rich Fool by Rembrandt - photo credit Wikipedia

The Parable of the Rich Fool by Rembrandt, 1627.

Hey person, I prayed and I’m still waiting for the fish.

God is being slow in answering my prayer. I figured fish would be falling from the sky by now.

What? You’re going to tell me one of Jesus’ parables about collecting too much stuff?

Fish isn’t stuff. I wouldn’t collect it, I’d eat it.

Okay, I’ll listen to the story.

***

A crowd had gathered around Jesus and someone in the crowd said to Him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.”

Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?” Then He said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”

***

You tell him, Jesus!

Not me. I’m not trying to collect all kinds of possessions. I would eat the fish as soon as I got it.

I am listening.

***

And Jesus told them this parable: “The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’

***

I could help him eat his crops.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

Then the man said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”’

***

I think I’m going to go be that man’s dog.

***

But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’

***

Oops! Hey person, I didn’t mean what I said. I’m the most faithfullest dog there is. I would never leave you.

***

Then Jesus said, “This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God.”

***

That doesn’t count toys and dog treats, does it?

16 Comments

Posted by Bongo on September 29, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, dogs, Fish, God, Jesus, Pets, possessions, Prayer, Religion and Spirituality

Praying for Fish

22 Sep

Hey person, last week when you told me a Bible story Mary was sitting at Jesus’ feet listening and Martha was in the kitchen fixing me something to eat while I was taking a nap – I mean, while I was listening intently to Jesus.

But I forgot what Jesus told me.

I was not sleeping – but okay, I’ll listen now.

***

One day Jesus was praying in a certain place. When He finished one of His disciples said to him, “Lord, teach us to pray.”

Jesus said to the disciples, “When you pray, say:

“’Father,

Hallowed be your name,

Your kingdom come.

Give us each day our daily bread.

Forgive us our sins,

For we also forgive everyone who sins against us.

And lead us not into temptation.

***

I don’t think that works for me.

I’m tempted every day – by Scratchy’s food dish.

Yes, I’m listening, but you know if Scratchy ate all his food I wouldn’t have to finish it for him.

***

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “Suppose one of you has a friend, and he goes to him at midnight and says, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, because a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have nothing to set before him.’”

***

I would be the one needing the bread because I always eat everything I can find.

I guess I’d better listen to see how to get those three loaves of bread.

***

“Then the friend inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children are with me in bed.’”

***

I wonder if the dog is in bed with them too.

***

“’I can’t get up and give you anything, the friend said.’”

Then Jesus said, “I tell you, though he will not get up and give him the bread because he is a friend, yet because of the man’s boldness he will get up and give him as much as he needs.”

***

I’m on my way.

I’ve got to ask that guy for some bread. Maybe he has some fish too.

I don’t want to stay and listen. That guy might give his food to someone else.

Okay.

***

Jesus then said, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”

***

Does scratching on the door count for knocking?

***

Jesus asked, “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him?”

***

I knew God would give me a fish if I asked!

15 Comments

Posted by Bongo on September 22, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: bread, Christianity, dogs, faith, God, Holy Spirit, Jesus, Lord, Pets, Prayer

Nap or Food

15 Sep

Christ with Martha and Maria (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, you know that guy the robbers beat up in last week’s story? That one the Samaritan helped?

I think he’s better now so maybe he and the Samaritan can help me go after those robbers. I still want to give them what for.

You’ve got another story? Can you wait until I get back from giving those robbers what for?

Okay, I’ll listen first.

***

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way Jesus came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to Him.

***

Does Martha have extra room in her house? I want to go there too.

By the way, where is there?

Bethany? That’s not anywhere near here is it?

It’s near Jerusalem? Where’s that?

Yes, I’ll listen.

***

Martha had a sister named Mary, who sat at Jesus’ feet listening to what He said.

***

That’s where I’d be too.

Taking a nice nap.

I am too listening.

***

But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

***

Hey Martha, I’m trying to take a nap here. Can you be quiet?

Okay, I’ll be quiet and listen.

***

“Martha, Martha,” Jesus answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.

***

Hey, wait a minute. What do I smell coming from the kitchen? I think I’ll follow Martha in and see. She might have made a pretty good choice too. Food!!!

And if Jesus doesn’t want to eat any of it, I’ll help Martha finish it off.

13 Comments

Posted by Bongo on September 15, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bethany, Bible, Christianity, dogs, faith, Jesus, Lord, Martha, Mary, Pets

Who is my Neighbor?

08 Sep

What are you telling me person? Someone gave Jesus a test?

Did He pass with flying colors, or did He just get a B or a C?

I’ll listen, but first I want to know what grade Jesus got?

***

An expert in the law stood up to test Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

Jesus asked the man what is written in the Law and the man answered “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

***

Wait a minute. Who did you say was giving the test?

I’m listening.

***

Then the man asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

***

If I’m his neighbor then he has to give me loves – and treats.

***

Jesus replied by telling a story.

***

I thought this already was a story.

***

Jesus said, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead.”

***

Can you hold the story, person? I’ve got to go after those robbers and give them what for.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

“A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.”

***

Did anybody tell those people that they’re walking on the wrong side of the road? Somebody might come and run them over.

***

“But a Samaritan, as he travelled, came to where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him.”

***

Weren’t the Samaritans those people that everybody hated?

Yeah, I thought so.

***

“The Samaritan went to the man and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine.”

***

I could have licked that man’s wounds. I bet that would have felt better than the wine.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

“Then the Samaritan put the man on his donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’”

Then Jesus asked, “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

***

I don’t think I’m ever going to give Jesus a test. He didn’t even take it – but he sure gave that other guy a test.

***

The expert in the law replied to Jesus, “The one who had mercy on him was the neighbor.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

***

Can I go now? I’ve still got to give those robbers what for.

14 Comments

Posted by Bongo on September 8, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Christianity, dogs, faith, God, Jericho, Jerusalem, Jesus, Parable of the Good Samaritan, Pets, Samaritan

Stomping on Snakes

01 Sep

Wait a minute. Last week you told me a story about Jesus healing that blind man, and now you’re telling me He sent His disciples away?

What do you mean, a training mission?

Well, if Jesus is training His disciples, I should get trained too. I’m going with them.

I don’t need to listen to the story. I’ll find it out from those disciples when I follow them.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus appointed seventy-two disciples and sent them two by two ahead of Him to every town and place where He was about to go.

He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into His harvest field. Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. Do not take a purse or bag or sandals; and do not greet anyone on the road.”

***

Those disciples need a guard dog to protect them from those wolves. I’d better go for sure.

***

Jesus told the disciples to stay in the first house they enter if a man of peace is there, and not to move around from house to house. He also said, “When you enter a town and are welcomed, eat what is set before you. Heal the sick who are there and tell them, ‘The kingdom of God is near you.’”

***

Wait! They got free food and then they got to do miracles too?

I’m going on this trip for sure.

***

Then Jesus said to them, “When you enter a town and are not welcomed, go into its streets and say, ‘Even the dust of your town that sticks to our feet we wipe off against you. Yet be sure of this: The kingdom of God is near.’”

***

I like kicking up dust. That sounds like fun.

I am listening.

***

When the seventy-two disciples returned they were full of joy and said, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.”

Jesus said, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.”

***

I think I’m going to go out and get me a few snakes and scorpions right now.

***

“However,” Jesus said, “do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.”

***

Snakes and scorpions, watch out! I’m going to trample on you and then I’m going to escape to heaven where you can’t touch me – ‘cause my name’s written there.

11 Comments

Posted by Bongo on September 1, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, dogs, faith, Jesus, Kingdom of God, Pets, Religion and Spirituality, Seventy disciples

I was Blind

25 Aug

Jesus did more miracles? He’s just full of miracles, isn’t he?

I hope he does another food miracle. I’m getting hungry.

No food this time? I need a cookie before we start then.

On second thought, I need a bunch of cookies.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus saw a man who had been blind from birth. The Jews of Jesus’ day believed that physical problems were caused by sin and Jesus’ disciples asked Him if it had been the man or his parents who had sinned.

***

I guess that’s why I have perfect health. I’m such a perfect dog.

Being scared of thunder doesn’t count.

***

Jesus said that neither had sinned. The man was blind so the work of God might be displayed in his life.

Having said this, Jesus spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes.

***

I could do that with a slobbery kiss on that man’s eyes.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

“Go,” Jesus told the man, “wash in the pool of Siloam.” So the man went and washed, and came home seeing.

***

I guess my slobbery kisses never made anyone see. Maybe I forgot the part about having to wash the slobber out again.

***

The man’s neighbors who had seen him begging in the past weren’t sure if it was him, but he assured them he was the same man who had been blind.

“How then were your eyes opened?” the neighbors demanded.

The man told them what had happened and that it was Jesus who had healed him. Then the neighbors took the man to the Pharisees who questioned him again.

***

It might have been a lot easier for that man if he had just put everything on Facebook.

I am too listening.

***

The day that Jesus had healed the man was a Sabbath so some of the Pharisees said, “This man is not from God, for he does not keep the Sabbath.”

But others asked, “How can a sinner do such miraculous signs?”

Finally they turned to the blind man who had been healed and asked him what he thought? The man replied, “He is a prophet.”

***

That’s telling them!

***

The Jews still didn’t believe the man had been blind and received his sight so they talked to his parents. The parents were afraid the Jews would throw them out of the synagogue because they had threatened to do that to anyone who acknowledged that Jesus was the Christ, so they said they didn’t know how their son had been healed and to ask him.

So the Jews called the man who had been blind a second time and said, “Give glory to God. We know this man Jesus is a sinner.”

The man replied, “Whether He is a sinner or not, I don’t know. One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see.”

***

I think that guy wrote a famous song.

I’ll listen, but can I bark along?

***

The Jews asked the man again how Jesus had healed him, and the man answered, “I have told you already and you did not listen. Why do you want to hear it again? Do you want to become His disciples too?”

This made the Jews really mad and they hurled insults at him saying they were disciples of Moses and they didn’t even know where Jesus came from.

***

I know where Jesus came from. Can I go tell them?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

The man answered the Jews, “Now that is remarkable! You don’t know where He comes from, yet He opened my eyes. We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly man who does His will. Nobody has ever heard of opening the eyes a man born blind. If this man were not from God, he could do nothing.”

***

That’s telling them.

***

The Pharisees said, “How dare you lecture us!” and threw the man out.

Jesus found the man, told the man who He is and then said, “For judgment I have come into this world, so that the blind will see and those who see will become blind.”

Some Pharisees heard Jesus say this and said, “What? Are we blind too?”

Jesus said, “If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin; but now you claim you can see, your guilt remains.”

***

My eyes are shut. I can’t see a thing.

Oh, wait. This is terrible. I don’t think I can do this.

Do I have to walk around with my eyes closed until Jesus comes back?

That’s going to be a long nap.

12 Comments

Posted by Bongo on August 25, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: blind man, Christianity, dogs, faith, God, healing, Jesus, Jews, Pets, Pharisee

Cast the First Stone

18 Aug

Last week that guy in the story ended up in jail because he wouldn’t forgive someone. I guess I’d better forgive you person, for all the mischief you’ve ever done to me.

I wouldn’t want to end up in dog jail again.

But sometimes it’s really hard. Sometimes you go overboard in the mischief department.

Yes, I’ll listen to the story.

But don’t pull any mischief while you’re telling it.

***

Jesus went to Jerusalem, and at dawn he appeared in the temple courts.

***

Boy, did Jesus get up early. I bet He was the only one there.

***

All the people gathered around Jesus, and He sat down to teach them.

***

What? What people? You mean they got up that early too?

Okay, I’ll listen. As long as you don’t make me get up that early to hear the story.

***

While Jesus taught the people, the teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?”

***

They could probably do to her what they did to me. It doesn’t do me any good to mess around with girl dogs anymore.

Oh wait. Where’s the guy who was with that woman? They would have to do that to him.

I bet Jesus asked them to bring that guy in.

I am listening.

***
They were trying to trap Jesus with their question, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

***

That would have to be an awfully big trap. Most traps are only big enough to catch small animals.

***

Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with His finger. When they kept on questioning him, He straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

***

Well, person – I guess you won’t be throwing any stones.

I’m listening! I’m listening!

***

After Jesus said this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.

***

I guess Jesus told them.

***

Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

“No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

***

What do you mean, Jesus wants all of us to leave our life of sin?

I don’t sin.

Mischief doesn’t count.

Except for your mischief, that is.

10 Comments