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Category Archives: Dogology

The Writing on the Wall

27 May
Belshazzar's Feast depicts a vision described ...

Belshazzar’s Feast depicts a vision described in the biblical Book of Daniel. –31&src= Daniel 5:1–31 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You mean this Bible story started with a party? I didn’t know they had parties in the Bible?

It was a king who was having the party? I thought kings were too busy to have parties. I want a party. Can I have a dog party? I could invite all my dog blogging friends and all my trail dog friends over for a big party.

I am listening, person. I can listen and have a party too.

When King Belshazzar was king of Babylon he gave a big party and dogs weren’t invited. I’m not very happy about that.

Okay person, I’ll pay attention to the story.

King Belshazzar had the gold and silver goblets that had been taken from the temple in Jerusalem brought in, and everybody at the party drank wine from them. While they were drinking they praised the gods of gold and silver, bronze, iron, wood and stone. Why didn’t they praise the gods of dogs?

Okay person, I’ll listen.

While they were having this big party and praising all those gods, the fingers of a human hand appeared and wrote on the wall. The king got so scared his face turned pale, his knees knocked together, and his legs gave way. He promised great reward for anyone who could read the writing and tell him what it meant, but no one could.

Then the queen told the king that Daniel could tell him what the writing meant, so the king called for Daniel. Is this the same Daniel who ate all those vegetables? Maybe he’ll give me all the meat that he’s not eating.

Person, I can think about meat now. The story’s on pause while they wait for Daniel to get there. I guess he didn’t eat meat or go to parties.

When Daniel got there he gave that king what for and told him he had set himself against the Lord of heaven because everyone had drunk from the goblets of his temple and praised gods which cannot see, hear, or understand.

Daniel said God sent the hand that wrote on the wall, and the message said that God has brought King Belshazzar’s reign to an end and given it to the Medes and the Persians, because God was not happy with the king.

That very night King Belshazzar was killed and Darius the Mede took over the kingdom.

Hey person, I guess I don’t need a dog party after all.

 
19 Comments

Posted by on May 27, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Blazing Furnace

20 May

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, and ? in the blazing furnaceHey person, you aren’t going to tell me another story about that vegetarian guy are you?

Yeah, Daniel. That’s the one.

You’re not? You’re going to tell me about his friends? Did they eat meat?

Okay, I’ll listen to the story.

My person says that King Nebuchadnezzar …Did King Nebuchadnezzar eat meat?

I’m listening.

King Nebuchadnezzar made an image of gold that was ninety feet high and nine feet wide. Wow, that’s big.

Then the king summoned all his government officials and told them that whenever they heard music playing they had to fall down and worship the image of gold. And if they didn’t worship they would be thrown into a blazing furnace.

Daniel’s three friends who came to Babylon with Daniel and ate vegetables with him – I knew it! – wouldn’t fall down and worship the image and some astrologers told on them.

I bet they were so hungry for meat that they would have worshiped it if it was a giant steak.

Yes, I’m listening.

King Nebuchadnezzar was very angry and he gave Daniel’s friends one last chance to worship. He told them if they refused to worship they would be thrown immediately into the blazing furnace. Ouch!

I hope Daniel’s friends are going to worship. That furnace would be hot.

They didn’t? They told King Nebuchadnezzar what?

They told King Nebuchadnezzar that God could save them and even if He didn’t they would not serve his gods or worship the image he had set up.

King Nebuchadnezzar was furious and he had the furnace heated up seven times hotter than usual. He had Daniel’s friends tied up and thrown into the furnace, but the furnace was so hot that it killed the soldiers that took them up there.

Daniel’s three friends fell into the furnace, but King Nebuchadnezzar saw four men walking around in there untied and unharmed. He said that the fourth looked like a son of the gods. He approached the opening of the furnace and told Daniel’s friends to come out. When they did they weren’t burned at all and they didn’t even smell like fire.

King Nebuchadnezzar was so impressed he wouldn’t let anyone say anything against God and he promoted Daniel’s friends.

Hey person, they should have thrown some meat in that blazing furnace. They could have had a tasty meal while they were in there.

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21 Comments

Posted by on May 20, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Meat or Vegetables?

13 May
Daniel refusing the King's Food

Daniel refusing the King’s Food (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My person told me about someone in the Bible that I haven’t heard of before, but what he did doesn’t make sense to me. I think he’s crazy.

Person, I wouldn’t have done what Daniel did. It makes it hard to tell the story.

Okay, I’ll tell it the way you said it happened.

Daniel lived in Jerusalem at a time when Nebuchadnezzar, the king of Babylon came and besieged it. Hey person, what does besieged mean? I be seeing it? Did King Nebuchadnezzar come to see Jerusalem?

Okay, I’ll just tell the story.

King Nebuchadnezzar ordered the chief of his court officials to bring some Israelites from the royal family and the nobility back to Babylon with him. He was supposed to pick young men who were smart and handsome. Some of those he picked were Daniel and three of his friends.

They had to what? My person says they had to walk over 500 miles to get to Babylon. I like walks but I don’t think I’d want to walk that far. Why didn’t they just get in a car, person?

Okay, I’ll tell the story. This is the part I don’t get. The king offered Daniel and his friends all kinds of good stuff to eat. Lots of meat and stuff. Mmmm. Yummy!

And you know what Daniel did? He turned it down. Now that just doesn’t make sense to me.

My person says Daniel probably didn’t want the king’s food because some of it had been offered to idols, and it hadn’t been prepared the way God told the Israelites to prepare their food.

Daniel asked the chief official if he and his friends could have permission not to eat that food, but the chief official said he was afraid of the king, and the king had assigned the food to them. So Daniel made a deal with the chief official. He asked for him and his friends to be given nothing but vegetables and water for ten days, and then to compare their appearance with that of the young men who ate the royal food.

And this is the really sad part. At the end of ten days Daniel and his friends looked healthier and better nourished than the other young men, so they were allowed to honor God by eating vegetables instead of that really good food.

Person, I don’t like this story at all. I think you’re trying to turn everyone into vegetarians. No way am I giving up all the yummy stuff.

 
29 Comments

Posted by on May 13, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Prison Song

06 May
Paul and Silas with the Jailer

Paul and Silas with the Jailer – Artist Unknown

Hey person, whatever happened to that Saul guy? You know, the one that Jesus struck blind on the road to Damascus?

Who’s Paul? I’m talking about Saul.

What? They’re the same person? Now I’m confused. How come he has two names?

So most people called him Paul after he met Jesus? Was that because he was like a different person? So what happened to him after that?

He got to go on road trips? I want to go on a road trip. You haven’t taken me anywhere in a long time. Except on my trails, that is.

Where did he go on those road trips? Did he have a really cool car? Maybe he had a 4Runner like ours.

They what!? They didn’t have any cars then? They had to walk everywhere? What’s wrong with them? I don’t want to go on that kind of road trip. So where’d he walk to?

Why would he do that? He walked to different cities to tell people about Jesus and start churches? And it took days to get to some of those places? Boy, he was dedicated. I’m sure glad I don’t have to walk all those places.

Okay, I’m listening.

My person says one of the places Paul went was called Philippi. He and his friends met a slave girl who had a spirit in her that could predict the future. She was making lots of money for her owners, but she kept following Paul and his friends around and bothering them. Finally, in the name of Jesus, Paul commanded that spirit to come out of the girl.

I hope Paul gave that spirit what for when it came out of the girl.

Okay person, I’m listening.

The owners were really mad because now they couldn’t make any money off that girl, so they dragged Paul and his friend Silas to the authorities where they were beaten and put in prison.

Ouch! I bet Paul and Silas were pretty upset.

They what? They prayed and sang hymns? In the prison? At midnight? I don’t get it person. I would be howling.

My person says there was a big earthquake when Paul and Silas were singing and all the prison doors flew open. The jailer thought all the prisoners had escaped and was about to kill himself because he would be executed for letting the prisoners go.

Wow, I wouldn’t want his job.

Paul told the jailer not to kill himself because all the prisoners were still there. Then the jailer asked Paul and Silas what he must do to be saved.

Person, what does he need to be saved from. Was there going to be another earthquake?

I am listening.

Paul and Silas told the jailer, “Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved.”

They told the jailer and his household about Jesus. Then the jailer washed their wounds and he and his family were baptized. He took Paul and Silas to his house and fed them and was filled with joy because he and his family had come to believe in God.

Hey person, if I tell someone about God will I get a midnight meal too?

 
19 Comments

Posted by on May 6, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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A Net Full of Fish

15 Apr
The Miraculous Draught of Fishes, 1515, one of...

The Miraculous Draught of Fishes, 1515, one of the seven remaining Raphael Cartoons for tapestries. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Some of Jesus’ disciples went fishing after he was resurrected? Why didn’t they take me? I like fish.

Oh, they didn’t? They fished all night and didn’t catch anything? I guess I’m glad I wasn’t with them after all. Were they sleeping in the boat?

I’m listening, person. I didn’t fall asleep. Really. I just think those disciples must have fallen asleep. They must have been really hungry when they woke up. They didn’t have any fish to eat. What did they do?

They what? They saw a man on the shore and he asked them if they didn’t have any fish? I bet he saw them sleeping in the boat.

Okay person, I’ll listen.

When the disciples told the man they didn’t have any he told them to throw their net on the right side of the boat and they would find some. They did and they got so many fish they couldn’t haul in the net. I don’t get it, person. Do fish only swim on the right side of the boat? I’ll have to remember that if I ever get to go fishing.

Oh, I forgot. Okay, I’m listening now. One of the disciples, John, recognized Jesus then and Peter got so excited he jumped out of the boat and swam to shore. I’d be jumping out with Peter. That sounds like fun.

Jesus had breakfast ready for those hungry fishermen. He’d cooked some fish and had some bread. I hope they saved some for me.

Oh yeah, they had all those fish in the net. They counted them and there were 153. Wow, that’s a lot of fish. I wonder if they’d notice if one was missing.

Okay person, I promise I won’t steal any fish. But I think they have more than they need.

After the disciples finished breakfast Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved him. When Peter said yes Jesus told him to take care of his sheep and then he told him to feed his sheep.

I wonder what Peter is going to feed those sheep with. I don’t think they eat fish.

 
22 Comments

Posted by on April 15, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Listen to the Story

08 Apr

Jesus resurrected and Mary Magdalene

My person said I have to stay really quiet and listen because the Easter story is very important. I’ll try, person.

My person says that Jesus was crucified on the cross. That must have hurt.

Yes, I’m listening, person. I still don’t get why he was crucified though.

So God can’t look on sin and we all have it? Even me? Not me.

Well yeah, I do that but… I do that too, but it’s not my fault.

Jesus is the only one qualified to take all our sins upon himself and he had to die on the cross to do it? So God can look at us because Jesus took our sin for us? It’s a free gift from him?

We have to do what? Ask for that free gift? That’s all? That sounds really simple.

So what does that have to do with Easter?

Jesus didn’t stay dead? How could that happen?

My person says that after Jesus died he was buried in a tomb and a very large stone was rolled in front of it. On Sunday morning Mary Magdalene and some other women went to the tomb. They didn’t know how they would move the stone, but when they got there they found it had already been rolled away.

Mary ran to Peter and John, two of Jesus’ disciples, and told them someone had taken Jesus and they didn’t know where he was.

Peter and John ran to the tomb and found nothing inside but the linen and burial cloth that had been wrapped around Jesus. They didn’t understand what was happening and they went home.

Mary Magdalene stayed there and stood outside the tomb crying. She looked into the tomb and saw two angels sitting where Jesus had been.

Person, you didn’t tell me there were angels in the story.

I’m really listening, person.

The angels asked Mary why she was crying and she said they had taken her Lord away and she didn’t know where they had put him.

Mary turned around and saw a man standing there. She thought it was the gardener.

A gardener? Does he grow good stuff to eat?

I’m sorry person. I couldn’t help myself. You made me think about food.

Okay. The man asked Mary why she was crying and who she was looking for.

Mary said to the man that if he had carried Jesus away could he please tell her where he had put him and she would go get him.

The man then said one word to her. “Mary.” She immediately recognized that it was Jesus.

But person, you just told me Jesus died on the cross. How could that be him?

He did? God raised him from the dead? And Mary was the first one to see him?

Do you think I could see him too?

 
24 Comments

Posted by on April 8, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Who’s Talking?

01 Apr

Jesus entering Jerusalem on a donkey

What kind of day is it today, person? What’s a Palm Sunday? Is that when you give me loves all day with the palm of your hand?

Well, what is it then?

He did? Jesus rode on a donkey? Hey, there’s an animal in this story. I think I’m going to like it. Does this donkey talk like Balaam’s donkey?

Okay, I’ll listen.

My person says Jesus came riding into Jerusalem on a donkey and the people were happy to see him because of the miracles he had done. They spread their cloaks and branches on the road before Jesus and they took palm branches and went out to meet him.

Oh, now I get it. That’s why it’s called Palm Sunday because of the palm branches. What’s a palm branch, person? I don’t think I’ve seen one of those.

Why do they grow in Phoenix, but not here? Can we go to Phoenix so I can see palm branches?

Okay, I’m listening.

When Jesus and the donkey came by the people shouted, “Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!”

Some of the Pharisees (the guys who didn’t like Jesus because he gave them what for) told Jesus to tell his disciples to be quiet. You know what Jesus said? He said, “If they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”

You mean the donkey doesn’t talk, but the stones do?

 
22 Comments

Posted by on April 1, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Why Did They Want to Kill Him?

25 Mar

Bongo with plastic eggsWhat are you telling me, person? You mean that little baby you told me about last Christmas – the one who was born where all the animals were – grew up to be a man and then people wanted to kill him? Why would they want to do that?

Yeah, Jesus. That’s who I’m talking about. Why would they want to kill him?

He did? He performed miracles and healed lots of people? Is that why they wanted to kill him? I don’t get it.

Did Jesus heal animals too?

He taught people about God and the Kingdom of Heaven? Didn’t they like God? Is that why they wanted to kill him?

He told people to do things like love their enemies? Okay, now I get it. They must have thought he was nuts. He tried to take away the fun of giving someone what for.

What, that wasn’t it either? Then what?

People followed him instead of the religious leaders? And Jesus told the religious leaders they were hypocrites that were leading people away from God? Oh, now I get it. I think.

So the religious leader got jealous of Jesus? And mad at him?

He did? He told people he is the Son of God? Why would he say that if he knew it would upset people? He could have just kept quiet and no one would have bothered him.

But person, that doesn’t make sense at all. You mean he came and was born so he could die on a cross? I don’t get it. Couldn’t he have asked God to rescue him?

He could? Then why didn’t he? Did he at least give all those religious leaders what for?

No way! He asked God to forgive them? I really don’t get it now.

He died on that cross because he loves us? I love you person, but I don’t want to die on a cross.

He had to take all the sins on himself so everybody could be with God? Didn’t God like Jesus?

He loves people too, so He was willing to sacrifice His only Son for all the people? And he saved the lives of animals too because they didn’t have to be sacrificed anymore? That’s cool. That means He loves animals too.

But I still don’t get it.

I have to hear the rest of the story and that happens on Easter?

Oh, Easter. That’s the day I get to steal the candy out of the plastic eggs.

 

 

 
28 Comments

Posted by on March 25, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Save the Donkey

18 Mar

The Prophet Balaam and the Ass, by Rembrandt v...

A donkey did what? No way!

Okay person, I’ll tell this story without skipping over parts. I just can’t get over that donkey. I want to talk about the donkey.

Okay, I’ll wait. My person says when the Israelites were following Moses, the King of Moab became afraid of them. He thought they were going to wipe out his country. So he sent messengers to a diviner named Balaam to come and put a curse on them. But God told Balaam not to put a curse on the Israelites because they were blessed. Am I blessed person? I think I should be blessed too.

Okay, I’ll go back to the story. So Balaam said he couldn’t go with those messengers.

Those messengers went back to the king and told him Balaam wouldn’t come, so what did that king do? He sent even more messengers and told Balaam he would reward him handsomely. This time God told him to go, but to only do what He told him to do.

Hey person. Do you think Balaam wanted the money more than he wanted to do what God said? Because I think God knew Balaam was up to something. Was he up to no good?

Because God sent an angel to block his way. And the angel had his sword drawn.

Well, Balaam couldn’t see the angel but his donkey could. His donkey turned off the road and Balaam beat her. That poor donkey. All she was trying to do was save Balaam.

After that the angel of the Lord stood in a narrow path. The donkey pressed close to a wall and crushed Balaam’s foot. So he beat her again. I think I’m going to give Balaam what for.

Then that angel moved to a place where there was no way around so that donkey laid down under Balaam. And Balaam beat her with his staff.

Then God made the donkey so she could talk. This is so cool! That donkey asked Balaam why he was beating her.

Balaam actually answered his donkey and said if he’d had a sword he would kill her for making a fool of him.

The donkey asked the mean old Balaam if she hadn’t been a good donkey that didn’t normally act this way.

Balaam agreed this was not the way the donkey normally acted, and then the Lord let him see the angel. That angel gave Balaam what for and told him if his donkey hadn’t saved him he would have killed Balaam, but not the donkey.

I think Balaam got off lucky. That donkey and angel should have given him a really good talking to and then given him what for some more.

Hey person, if I let you ride on me do you think an angel would show up and teach me to talk?

 
22 Comments

Posted by on March 18, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Sneaking Up

11 Mar

You mean that mean old King Saul went after David again?

I don’t believe it. King Saul went after David with 3000 men and David only had 600 men? I sure hope David had some dogs to help him out too. My dog buddies would give King Saul what for.

What do you mean, that’s not part of the story? I think dogs should be in the story.

Okay person, I’ll try to tell the story right.

David found out where King Saul had camped and he went there and saw where Saul and Abner, the commander of the army, had lain down. Saul was inside the camp with his army around him, and he had stuck his spear in the ground near his head.

Well, David took another man named Abishai with him and they snuck up on King Saul while everyone was sleeping. I sure would have liked to sneak up on King Saul too.

I could be quiet enough. I could. What if someone woke up while David was sneaking in?

See? If the Lord put everyone in a deep sleep they wouldn’t wake up for me either.

Okay, I’ll go back to the story.

Abishai wanted to kill King Saul with his spear but David wouldn’t let him because King Saul was the Lord’s anointed. So what did David do? He took King Saul’s spear and water jug and they left.

Come on David, you’ve got to stir up more mischief than that. That would hardly count for a Monday Mischief Blog Hop.

So David did what next? He did?

David went up on a hill a ways away and yelled at King Saul and Abner and told them what he’d done.

Is that it, person? When is God going to give King Saul what for?

Really? My person says that eventually King Saul died in battle and David got to be king, but David still kept having adventures after that.

I wish I could be David’s dog. I like having adventures.

No person, I’m happy being your dog, but your adventures are mild compared to David’s. After all, I am Super Dog.

Super Dog

 
22 Comments

Posted by on March 11, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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