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No Treats for Anybody

08 Dec
"Rich man and poor Lazarus" (1865). ...

“Rich man and poor Lazarus” (1865). Crocker Art Museum in Sacramento. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You mean there are dogs in this Bible story?

Did that man in the last story give them treats?

Oh. He didn’t know them? I thought everyone in the Bible knew each other.

Okay, I’ll listen. I want to hear about the dogs.

***

Jesus said, “There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day.”

***

Did the rich man hand out treats?

I am listening.

***

“At the rich man’s gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores.”

***

That rich man should hand out treats to Lazarus and the dogs.

***

“The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side.”

***

I bet those angels handed out treats.

I’m listening. I just want to know where the treats are. Those dogs are getting hungry.

***

“The rich man also died and was buried. In hell, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’”

***

They don’t have treats in hell, do they?

***

“But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’”

***

Wait! Stop! Don’t give those dogs any treats. I don’t want them to go where that rich man is.

What? I’m not in the story. I don’t have to give up my treats.

***

“The rich man answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my father’s house, for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’

“Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.’

“’No, father Abraham,’ he said, ‘but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’

“He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’”

***

I guess Lazarus won’t be bringing those brothers any treats.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on December 8, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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The Manager Who Passed Out Treats

01 Dec

The-ManagerHey person, I’m still waiting for that fattened calf you told me about in last week’s story.

What!? You’re not giving me one?

I’m leaving then.

Maybe you’ll feel all sad and try to bribe me to come back with a good chunk of meat.

If I listen to the story do I get treats?

***

Jesus told His disciples: “There was a rich man whose manager was accused of wasting his possessions. So he called him in and asked him, ‘What is this I hear about you? Give an account of your management, because you cannot be manager any longer.’

***

I think that manager was in real trouble. Is he going to get locked up in dog jail?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

“The manager said to himself, ‘What shall I do now? My master is taking away my job. I’m not strong enough to dig, and I’m ashamed to beg – I know what I’ll do so that, when I lose my job here, people will welcome me into their houses.’”

***

Is he going to bring those people some treats?

I’d welcome him into my house if he brought me treats.

I am listening.

***

“So he called in each one of his master’s debtors. He asked them first, ‘How much do you owe my master?’”

“’Eight hundred gallons of olive oil,’ he replied.

The manager told him, ‘Take your bill, sit down quickly, and make it four hundred.’

Then he asked the second, ‘And how much do you owe?’

“’A thousand bushels of wheat,’ he replied.

“He told him, ‘Take your bill and make it eight hundred.’”

***

So where’s the guy that owes him sheep, or cows, or goats.

We might as well get a good meal out of this.

I’m listening – but can’t you come up with some good food?

***

“The master commended the dishonest manager because he had acted shrewdly. For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light. I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings.

***

Does that mean like giving someone treats so they’ll be my friend?

***

Jesus continued, “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you property of your own?”

***

I’m totally trustworthy.

You can trust me to eat every treat I find.

***

“No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.”

***

Whew! I thought you were going to say that you can’t serve both God and treats.

 
3 Comments

Posted by on December 1, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Coming Home Hungry

24 Nov

Prodigal son returning homeWhat do you mean this next story is kind of like me when I run off and pull mischief?

I’m the perfect dog. I don’t pull mischief. It’s always Scratchy.

Besides, you got me that dog jail so I can’t run off. Let’s skip this story.

There’s food at the end? Okay, I’m all in.

***

Jesus told a story: “There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘’Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.”

***

That’s not like me at all. I might eat all my treats but I’d never get rid of my toys.

Fine, I’ll listen.

***

“After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

***

Why doesn’t he just eat the pigs?

***

“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called you son; make me like one of your hired men.”

***

Did those hired men get to eat the pigs?

***

“So he got up and went to his father.

But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.”

***

Why didn’t he just give him a pig?

I am too listening.

***

“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.”

***

What good is that going to do? That boy’s hungry!

Alright, I’ll keep listening.

***

“Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast to celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

***

Now that’s more like it. This is my kind of celebration.

***

“Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. “Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

***

You mean they had a party and that older son wasn’t invited? I know how that feels.

***

“The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him.”

***

I guess he was invited after all. He should have gone in. Who could have refused all that good, juicy meat?

I’m listening.

***

“But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’

***

You mean that older son never got any meat to eat?

I’d be sore too.

***

“’My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

***

So if I run off and come back will you give me a fattened calf?

I’ve got to figure out how to break out of that dog jail.

 
15 Comments

Posted by on November 24, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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The Lost Sheep

17 Nov
English: Lost sheep on farm track.

English: Lost sheep on farm track. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, you don’t have to tell me a Bible story. I’m still full from that banquet story last week. I think I’ll roll over and take a nap.

What? The next story talks about Jesus eating?

I’m on my way.

I bet if I hung out near him under the table he’d hand me some scraps.

I’m listening now.

***

The tax collectors and “sinners” were all gathering around to hear Jesus. But the Pharisees and teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”

***

Do you think Jesus would welcome a perfect dog to eat with him too?

Not some other dog – I mean me!

I am too a perfect dog.

***

Then Jesus told them this parable: “Supposed one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them.”

***

Lost sheep? I’m on it!

Here I go! The perfect sheep dog to the rescue!

What do you mean, I’m not a sheep dog?

Well, I’ve got some blogging buddies who are. I’m sure they’d come and help me.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus said, “Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?”

***

I could stay and guard those ninety-nine sheep that are left.

I’d be the most perfect guard dog.

What do you mean, I’m not a perfect listener?

***

Jesus continued, “And when he finds the lost sheep, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home.”

***

Okay, the sheep are all home now. It must be time for a perfect break.

Oooh! That must mean it’s snack time.

I’m listening! I’m listening!

***

Jesus went on with the story, “Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’”

“I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.”

***

Rejoicing in heaven?

That sounds like a real party.

I wonder what kind of treats they serve at parties in heaven.

 
14 Comments

Posted by on November 17, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Not His Sheep

03 Nov

sheepHey person, I’ve been really good all week. I didn’t dig up any seeds, but no trees have grown for me to leave messages on.

Maybe some other dog dug up that mustard seed that Jesus planted when I wasn’t looking.

You’ve got a new story to tell me?

But I’m still waiting for that mustard seed to grow.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

The Feast of Dedication at Jerusalem had come and Jesus was in the temple area walking in Solomon’s Colonnade. The Jews gathered around him, saying, “How long will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Christ, tell us plainly.”

***

They could have just read the Bible to find out.

I am listening.

***

Jesus answered, “I did tell you, but you do not believe. The miracles I do in my Father’s name speak for me, but you do not believe because you are not my sheep.”

***

Jesus has sheep? I didn’t know He was a shepherd. I thought He was a carpenter.

I’m listening, but I just want to know where the sheep come in.

***

Jesus continued, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.”

***

Okay, so Jesus’ Father got tired of being a carpenter and became a shepherd and then He gave the sheep to Jesus and went back to being a carpenter. I’m all confused.

What? Jesus had two fathers? I give up.

***

The Jews picked up stones to stone Jesus, but Jesus said to them, “I have shown you many great miracles from the Father. For which of these do you stone me?”

***

Oh, now I get it. I think. There’s the miracle Father and the carpenter father. But how come Jesus got so lucky to have two fathers?

If I listen will this make sense?

***

“We are not stoning you for any of these,” replied the Jews, “but for blasphemy, because you, a mere man, claim to be God.”

***

This story is really confusing. First there’s an extra father, and then the Jews want Jesus to tell them something and when He does they want to stone Him.

I don’t think I’d be telling the truth if it meant someone was going to stone me.

***

Jesus answered the Jews, “Is it not written in your Law, ‘I have said you are gods’? If he called them ‘gods,’ to whom the word of God came – and the Scripture cannot be broken – what about the one whom the Father set apart as His very own and sent into the world? Why then do you accuse me of blasphemy because I said, ‘I am God’s Son’? Do not believe me unless I do what my Father does. But if I do it, even though you do not believe me, believe the miracles, that you may know and understand that the Father is in me, and I in the Father.”

***

That’s too many big words for me. I think I’ll just go chase the sheep.

***

Again they tried to seize Jesus, but He escaped their grasp.

***

Hey Jesus, wait for me! I think I found one of your sheep.

 
22 Comments

Posted by on November 3, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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The Kingdom of God is Like…

27 Oct

Mustard treeJesus told people what the kingdom of God is like? Is that like telling people what heaven is like?

I can’t wait to hear. I bet it’s wonderful.

I bet there is lots of water with fish in it.

And the fish jump right out of the water and into our mouths.

And when we’ve had our fill of fish we can go swimming.

And there are lots of cats to chase – or better yet, no cats at all.

Oh. Oops. Some of my blogging friends are cats.

There are certain cats allowed – but no others.

And there are no leashes – we don’t have to keep our people on leashes because it’s impossible to get lost in heaven.

And we can run free wherever and whenever we want.

And when we get tired of running there are lots of treats waiting for us, and a nice cozy spot to curl up for a nap.

Is that what Jesus says heaven is like?

Okay, I’ll listen to what Jesus says.

***

Jesus asked, “What is the kingdom of God like?”

***

What do you mean, Jesus asked that?

I thought Jesus knew everything. Isn’t He God?

He should know what His own kingdom is like.

Yes, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus asked another question. “What shall I compare the kingdom of God to?”

***

Oh, I get it. Jesus was thinking out loud. That’s what I do on my blog all the time.

I’m listening person.

***

Jesus said the kingdom of God is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his garden.

***

I get it! The man planted something and now us dogs get to go dig it up.

That’s heaven, right?

***

Jesus said that though the mustard seed is the smallest of all the seeds the people had, when it grows it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, and the birds of the air come and perch on its branches.

***

That’s what the kingdom of God is like?

Oh, now I see. The Bible talks about self control. So if I control myself and don’t dig up that seed – and keep all the other dogs from digging up that seed – then we will have a tree to leave messages on.

I almost forgot that it’s really important to have trees in heaven.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on October 27, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Untied

20 Oct

Jesus healing the crippled womanI’m done with Bible stories. Last week you told me I was going to get into trouble for the mischief that happens around here when you’re not home.

You’ve got to believe me. It’s Scratchy that does it.

Okay, I’ll listen to the story.

***

On a Sabbath Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues, and a woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for eighteen years.

***

Bring that woman to me. I’ll give that spirit what for.

What do you mean, I can’t give a spirit what for? I bet I can.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

The woman was bent over and could not straighten up at all.

***

Maybe I could bark at her and scare her straight. You know, kind of like when you scare the hiccups out of someone.

I am listening.

***

When Jesus saw the woman, he called her forward and said to her, “Woman, you are set free from your infirmity.” Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God.

***

Is that all it took? I could have put my paws on her.

***

Indignant because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath, the synagogue ruler said to the people, “There are six days for work. So come and be healed on those days, not on the Sabbath.”

The Lord answered him, “You hypocrites!”

***

You tell them, Jesus.

I’m listening. I’m just getting involved in the story.

***

Jesus continued, “Doesn’t each of you on the Sabbath untie his ox or donkey from the stall and lead it out to give it water? Then should not this woman, a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has kept bound for eighteen long years, be set free on the Sabbath day from what bound her?”

***

That woman was tied up? Did somebody have to take her out on a leash too?

I guess that’s kind of like you, person. I have to take you out on a leash.

***

When Jesus said these things, all his opponents were humiliated, but the people were delighted with all the wonderful things he was doing.

***

That was really nice of Jesus to untie that woman and let her go on walks without a leash, but I’m not going to let you off your leash, person.

I’m afraid you might wander off.

 
13 Comments

Posted by on October 20, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, dogs, humor

 

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Worrying Never Helps

06 Oct

Calla Lily FieldHey person, last week you told me one of Jesus’ stories about the man who stored up all his stuff for himself.

Well, it didn’t go so good for him so I decided I’d get rid of some of my stuff.

So if you’ll give me all my treats I’ll eat them and that will be the end of that.

Then I’ll get rid of all my toys. The ones I’ve chewed up, that is.

What do you mean, you’ve already gotten rid of the chewed up ones? How am I supposed to get rid of my stuff if you’ve already done it for me?

Okay, I’ll listen to the next story. But I hope it doesn’t say I have to get rid of even more stuff. I still have some toys that I haven’t chewed up yet.

***

Jesus was talking to His disciples and He said, “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.”

***

Whew! I don’t worry about clothes. But about that eating stuff, I sure hope you remember to feed me on time person.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

Jesus said, “Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.”

***

What is Jesus talking about? Food is everything!

I am too listening.

***

Jesus continued, “Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!

***

I sure hope I’m more valuable than those pesky ravens. They steal eggs from the little bird’s nests.

***

Jesus said, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?”

***

If I don’t worry will that make my life longer? Just make sure you feed me on time, person.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Then Jesus said, “Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith!

***

What’s all this business about clothes? King Solomon can keep all his fancy clothes. Just feed me on time.

***

“And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink,” said Jesus. “Do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek His kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.”

***

So if I seek God’s kingdom I’ll get food and treats and everything? Maybe some new toys too?

 
10 Comments

Posted by on October 6, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Storing up Stuff

29 Sep
The Parable of the Rich Fool by Rembrandt - photo credit Wikipedia

The Parable of the Rich Fool by Rembrandt, 1627.

Hey person, I prayed and I’m still waiting for the fish.

God is being slow in answering my prayer. I figured fish would be falling from the sky by now.

What? You’re going to tell me one of Jesus’ parables about collecting too much stuff?

Fish isn’t stuff. I wouldn’t collect it, I’d eat it.

Okay, I’ll listen to the story.

***

A crowd had gathered around Jesus and someone in the crowd said to Him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.”

Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?” Then He said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”

***

You tell him, Jesus!

Not me. I’m not trying to collect all kinds of possessions. I would eat the fish as soon as I got it.

I am listening.

***

And Jesus told them this parable: “The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’

***

I could help him eat his crops.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

Then the man said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”’

***

I think I’m going to go be that man’s dog.

***

But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’

***

Oops! Hey person, I didn’t mean what I said. I’m the most faithfullest dog there is. I would never leave you.

***

Then Jesus said, “This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God.”

***

That doesn’t count toys and dog treats, does it?

 
16 Comments

Posted by on September 29, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Nap or Food

15 Sep
Christ with Martha and Maria

Christ with Martha and Maria (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, you know that guy the robbers beat up in last week’s story? That one the Samaritan helped?

I think he’s better now so maybe he and the Samaritan can help me go after those robbers. I still want to give them what for.

You’ve got another story? Can you wait until I get back from giving those robbers what for?

Okay, I’ll listen first.

***

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way Jesus came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to Him.

***

Does Martha have extra room in her house? I want to go there too.

By the way, where is there?

Bethany? That’s not anywhere near here is it?

It’s near Jerusalem? Where’s that?

Yes, I’ll listen.

***

Martha had a sister named Mary, who sat at Jesus’ feet listening to what He said.

***

That’s where I’d be too.

Taking a nice nap.

I am too listening.

***

But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

***

Hey Martha, I’m trying to take a nap here. Can you be quiet?

Okay, I’ll be quiet and listen.

***

“Martha, Martha,” Jesus answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.

***

Hey, wait a minute. What do I smell coming from the kitchen? I think I’ll follow Martha in and see. She might have made a pretty good choice too. Food!!!

And if Jesus doesn’t want to eat any of it, I’ll help Martha finish it off.

 
13 Comments

Posted by on September 15, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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