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Hold up Your Hands

English: Victory O Lord, by John Everett Millais, the Amalekites defeated, as in Exodus 17:8-16, 1871 oil on canvas, at the Manchester City Galleries (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, Moses and those Israelites really had it made now, didn’t they? God had helped them escape from Egypt, He gave them manna to eat, and now He’d given them water from out of that rock. I bet they were ready to lie down and take a nice, long nap.

What? Oh, no! My person says that while the Israelites were still camped at Rephidim, drinking all their water, the Amalekites came and attacked them.

Those Amalekites need to find their own rock to get water out of.

I’ll listen person, as soon as I chase those Amalekites away.

What do you mean, it’s not my job to chase them? It’s always a dog’s job to chase the bad guys.

Okay, I’ll listen.

Moses told Joshua to choose some men and go out and fight the Amalekites.

I bet Joshua needs some help. I could go out and help him.

I am listening, person, but I can’t help myself. I just want to grab those Amalekites by their robes and yank on them.

Okay, I’ll try to calm down.

Moses said he was going to stand on the top of the hill with the staff of God in his hand. Moses’ brother Aaron and Hur went with him.

As long as Moses held his hands up, Joshua and the Israelites were winning. But when he put them down again the Amalekites started winning. So Aaron and Hur got a stone and put it under Moses for him to sit on …

Excuse me, person. I don’t think a stone would be very comfortable to sit on. Didn’t they have one of those cushy chairs they could get for him?

I am listening.

Aaron and Hur stood on either side of Moses and held his hands up until sundown. And because Moses’ hands were up Joshua beat the Amalekites.

Moses built an altar called The Lord is my Banner because he said his hands were lifted up to the throne of the Lord.

Hey person, the next time Scratchy tries to eat my food, could you lift up your hands?

20 Comments

Posted by Bongo on September 23, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Amalekites, Bible, dogs, faith, God, Israelite, Joshua, Lord, Moses, Pets

Rock Water

16 Sep

c. 1540-1545 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, now that God is giving the Israelites manna to eat I bet they don’t have anything to whine about anymore.

They what?

Oh, no. I’m getting thirsty just thinking about it.

After the Lord gave the Israelites manna He told them to move to a place called Rephidim, but there was no water there for the people to drink.

God made It rain down manna. Couldn’t he make normal rain so they’d have water?

Okay, I’ll listen.

The people got really mad at Moses and told him to give them water. They accused Moses of bringing them out of Egypt so they could all die of thirst.

Hey person, didn’t Moses have a plan when he took those people out of Egypt?

Yes, I’ll listen.

So Moses cried out to the Lord and asked Him what to do because the people were ready to stone him.

Moses might get kind of flat if they did that to him.

I am listening.

The Lord told Moses to go before the people with some of the elders and take the rod that he had used to strike the river.

Is Moses going to beat the people off with the rod?

Well, if they all came after him he needed to do something.

The Lord told Moses that He would stand before him on the rock in Horeb, and that Moses should strike it.

Moses struck the rock with the elders watching, and water came out of it for the people to drink.

Hey person, we have lots of rocks on my trails. Maybe you should get one of those rods. Then you wouldn’t have to carry any water along with us.

16 Comments

Posted by Bongo on September 16, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, dogs, faith, God, Lord, Moses, Mount Horeb, Pets, Rephidim, Water

What’s for Dinner?

09 Sep

The Gathering of the Manna (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You mean Moses has more to do? I thought he was done with his job once he got the Israelites out of Egypt?

Moses had to lead them now? I thought God was doing that.

Where is Moses leading them?

The Promised Land? A land flowing with milk and honey? Milk and honey. I want to go there.

Okay, I’ll listen to the story.

After the Israelites crossed the Red Sea they traveled for three days in the desert without finding any water.

I’m getting thirsty just thinking about it.

Yes, I’m listening.

They finally came to a place with water called Marah, but they couldn’t drink the water because it was bitter. So they grumbled against Moses.

Moses cried out to the Lord and the Lord showed him a piece of wood to throw into the water, and when Moses did the water became sweet. Then they went to a place called Elim with twelve springs and seventy palm trees, and camped there.

The people left Elim and then they started grumbling against Moses again. This time they complained because in Egypt they had meat and all the food they wanted, and they said Moses had brought them out to the desert to starve to death.

Why didn’t Moses just send them back to Egypt? They sound like a bunch of whiners to me.

I wouldn’t whine.

Oh. I guess I would complain if I didn’t get my dog treats.

The Lord told Moses that He was going to rain down bread from heaven. But something else happened first. That evening quail covered the camp.

Woo woo! Dinner.

I am too listening. I just had to stop for a snack break.

The next morning there was a layer of dew around the camp and when the dew was gone thin flakes like frost appeared on the desert floor. The Israelites looked at each other and said, “What is it?” so they called it manna, which in Hebrew means what is it.

So what was it, person?

I know they called it manna, but what is it?

What? If I listen I’ll find out? Okay.

The manna tasted like wafers made with honey and the Lord told each person to gather what they needed and not keep any until morning.

Some people did keep some overnight and in the morning it was smelly and full of maggots.

I bet they didn’t do that again.

I’m listening.

On the sixth day the Lord told the people to gather twice as much because the following day would be the Sabbath, a day of rest. They didn’t find any manna on the ground on the Sabbath, but the manna they saved for that day was still good and didn’t have any maggots in it.

I think I would be in trouble on the Sabbath. I eat everything as soon as I get it.

Hey person, it looks like you have some extra. Can you please pass me the manna?

23 Comments

Posted by Bongo on September 9, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, dogs, Egypt, faith, God, Israelites, Lord, manna, Moses, Pets

Parting of the Ways

02 Sep

Foster Bible Pictures 0064-1 The Water Came on Pharaoh and His Soldiers (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In the last Bible story God finally gave Pharaoh what for so bad that he let the Israelites go. But my person says Pharaoh still hadn’t had enough and the Israelites would be seeing him again.

Oh yeah, the Israelites were going to throw all their dog treats at Pharaoh. Well, I hope they save a few dog treats for me.

I’ll listen, person. Can’t I have a little fun first?

When the Israelites finally got to leave Egypt, God led them to the desert with a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire to give them light at night. God took them the long way around because he didn’t want them to get in a fight with the Philistines and get discouraged.

I should have gone along. I would have whooped those Philistines.

Yes, I’m listening.

God told the Israelites to camp by the sea so Pharaoh would think they were wandering in confusion because they were hemmed in by the desert. And then God hardened Pharaoh’s heart.

And Pharaoh changed his mind when he realized that by letting the Israelites go he’d lost their services. So he took all his chariots and the army and went after them.

I hope the Israelites have those dog treats ready to throw.

Okay, I’ll listen. I promise.

The Israelites were terrified when they saw the Egyptians. They complained to Moses that they would have been better off staying in Egypt than dying in the desert.

Moses told the people not to be afraid and to stand firm because God would deliver them. The angel of the Lord who had been traveling in front of Israel went behind them – between them and the Egyptians – and so did the pillar of cloud.

The Lord told Moses to raise his staff and stretch out his hand over the sea, and when he did that the Lord drove the sea back with a strong east wind. The Israelites went through the sea on dry ground with a wall of water on each side of them.

Woo woo! That means they get to keep their dog treats. And they won’t even get soggy.

I am too listening.

The Egyptians followed the Israelites through the sea…

Oops! I take that back about the dog treats.

But when the Israelites were across, the Lord told Moses to stretch out his hand again so the water would flow back over the Egyptians, their chariots, and their horsemen.

So the Israelites made it across, and the Egyptians went swimming but didn’t make it out alive.

And I got the dog treats.

Hey person, these dog treats aren’t very good. They taste like flat bread. Can you go to the pet store and get me some better ones?

23 Comments

Posted by Bongo on September 2, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, dogs, Egyptian, faith, God, Israelite, Lord, Moses, Pets, Pharaoh

The Final Plague

26 Aug

The Egyptian Firstborn Destroyed (illustration from the 1728 Figures de la Bible) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve been waiting and waiting for God to give Pharaoh what for in these stories. God keeps sending plagues and Pharaoh just won’t give in.

So what’s God going to do to Pharaoh now? Is Pharaoh finally going to say he’s had enough?

I’m listening person, but I’m still waiting for mean old Pharaoh to get the what for he deserves.

So in the last story Pharaoh told Moses to get out of his sight, and not to appear before him again or Moses would die.

Moses said fine, but God told Moses to warn Pharaoh what would happen if he didn’t let the Israelites go to worship Him.

What’s going to happen, person?

I am listening.

About midnight God would go through the land and every firstborn son in Egypt would die – and all the firstborn cattle too.

Come on person. The animals too?

But – God told Moses to tell the Israelites to have each household slaughter a lamb for dinner, and then take some of the blood and put it on the sides and the tops of the doorframes. Wherever God saw the blood on the doorframes He would pass over that house and no destructive plague would touch that household.

Pharaoh was so upset after what happened that he called Moses in the middle of the night and told him and the Israelites to leave.

Yay! Pharaoh finally had enough!

There’s more? Okay, I’m listening.

The Egyptians urged the Israelites to get out of the country fast because they were afraid they would all die. But God had told the Israelites to ask the Egyptians for silver, gold, and clothing before they left – and the Egyptians gave them all kinds of stuff.

Did they give them any dog treats?

What? The Israelites had to leave so fast that they couldn’t put any yeast in their bread dough, so they had to eat flat bread.

I bet that would be good. It sounds kind of like dog treats to me.

So they finally got away from mean old Pharaoh. Woo woo!

What do you mean they haven’t seen the last of Pharaoh yet?

When he shows up maybe they can throw some dog treats at him.

26 Comments

Posted by Bongo on August 26, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, dogs, Egypt, Egyptian, faith, God, Israelite, Moses, Pets, Pharaoh

Plethora of Plagues

19 Aug

This must be it, right? God is really going to give that mean old Pharaoh what for. What’s he going to do?

Person, I’m listening. I can’t wait for God to give Pharaoh what for. So what did he do?

Moses went back to Pharaoh again and once more told him that God said to “Let my people go.” But Pharaoh still wouldn’t listen.

So what did God do?

No way! That’s not fair. God put a plague on the animals and all of the Egyptians horses, donkeys, camels, cattle, sheep, and goats died. Person, I don’t like that plague at all.

But none of the Israelites animals died? Okay, I think I’ll go hang out with those sheepdogs that belong to the Israelites.

But Pharaoh still wouldn’t let the Israelites go? I don’t believe it. He should be very upset about losing his animals.

I’m listening, person.

The Lord told Moses and Aaron to take handfuls of soot from a furnace and have Moses toss it into the air in front of Pharaoh. God would make the soot turn into fine dust all over the land and cause festering boils to break out on men and animals.

When Moses did this even those pesky magicians couldn’t stand before Moses because of the boils. But Pharaoh still wouldn’t listen.

Maybe Pharaoh wants God to turn him into a punching bag.

I am listening. What happens next?

God told Moses to tell Pharaoh that He could strike him and his people with a plague that would wipe them off the face of the earth, but He wanted to show His power so that His name might be proclaimed in all the earth. So this time God warned Pharaoh to have everyone bring their livestock and everything they had in the field to a place of shelter, because He was going to send the nastiest hail storm they’d ever seen. Some people feared the word of the Lord and did what He said, but others ignored Him. The hail came down and destroyed everything except the crops that hadn’t yet come up. But there was no hail where the Israelites lived. Pharaoh asked Moses to stop the hail and then he still wouldn’t let the Israelites go.

Person, do I have to give Pharaoh what for myself? Nothing God does is getting to him.

Okay, I’ll listen. But Pharaoh better let those Israelites go soon.

God sent Moses to tell Pharaoh that if he still wouldn’t let his people go He would send locusts that would eat everything the hail hadn’t destroyed. Pharaoh’s officials had had enough and they told Pharaoh to do what Moses asked.

Pharaoh told Moses that he would let the men go worship God, but the women and children would have to stay. That wasn’t good enough so Moses stretched his hand out over Egypt and the Lord sent a wind that blew in so many locusts that the ground was black, and they ate everything. Pharaoh asked Moses to take the locusts away so God sent a wind that blew every one of them away.

Hey, I bet those locusts would have been tasty treats.

Person, Pharaoh won’t listen. Why should I listen?

What? A plague might come on me? Okay, I’m listening. I’m listening.

This time the Lord told Moses to stretch out his hand to the sky so that darkness would spread over Egypt – darkness that could be felt. And it was dark for three days. No one could see anybody else, or leave his place. But there was light where the Israelites lived.

And Pharaoh told Moses that his people – even the women and children – could leave to worship the Lord. But they had to leave their flocks and herds behind.

Moses told Pharaoh they needed some of the livestock for worshipping the Lord, and until they got there they wouldn’t know which ones.

And God hardened Pharaoh’s heart again and he told Moses to get out of his sight and not to come back. He said the day Moses saw his face again he would die.

Hey person, I bet God is going to give Pharaoh a really serious what for, but I think Pharaoh is in the dark about this.

Back on His Word Again (bongodogblog.com)

29 Comments

Posted by Bongo on August 19, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, dogs, Egypt, faith, God, Israelite, Lord, Moses, Pets, Pharaoh

Happy Blogiversary to Me!

16 Aug

Woo woo! Today is my blogiversary! That means I’ve been blogging for a whole year now. I’m not sure how long a year is, but my person says this year goes from thunder season to thunder season. I guess that means we’ve had one snowy season, one windy season, and one season where every day is perfect out on my trails.

I don’t care much about numbers, but my person wants me to tell you that this is my 367^th post. There’s an extra one in there because February had an extra day this year. I’ve written (well, my person helped) over 95,000 words. I’m not sure how many that is, but it sounds like a lot and I’m amazed that you’ve been reading them.

I thought this would be a good time to tell you why I have this blog. In case you haven’t realized it yet, I sometimes get into mischief. My person decided it was better to laugh at my mischief instead of crying about it – or getting mad at me. I’m sure glad she decided that. Anyway, she started posting funny things about me on her Facebook page and soon her friends that hadn’t even met me were asking her how I was doing when she saw them. Hey, I was famous before I even had this blog.

My person decided she needed to be writing on a regular basis and that maybe I should be writing too, so her Facebook comments morphed (did I write that word?) into my blog. I thought I would run out of ideas after about a month, but God has been bringing me so many adventures that I’ve had something to write about every day.

What I didn’t realize when I started blogging was that I would make so many friends through my blog. I’ve got some great friends that have been with me since almost the beginning and more that have come along throughout the year. I want to thank those of you who have stuck with me while my person has been doing this “busy” thing and hasn’t had time to visit your blogs very often. I hope she unbusies herself soon, but she keeps having more things come up.

All I can say is she’d better let me keep taking her for walks on my trails.

57 Comments

Posted by Bongo on August 16, 2012 in Bongo, dogs, humor

Tags: Blog, Blogiversary, Facebook, God, Pets

Back on His Word Again

12 Aug

It’s about time! You mean God is finally going to give Pharaoh what for? I can’t wait to hear what He does.

Does God lock Pharaoh in the lion’s den – or throw him in the fiery furnace?

Oh. Those were different stories? Okay, I’ll listen.

God told Moses to wait on the bank of the Nile River to meet Pharaoh when he goes out to the water, and to bring the staff that turned into a snake. And then God told Moses to have Aaron take the staff and stretch out his hand over the waters of Egypt and all the water would turn to blood.

Moses told Pharaoh that God said to let his people go. Pharaoh wouldn’t do it so they turned the water into blood and the fish in the Nile died and the river smelled bad.

Hey person. I think somebody got that part of the story wrong. I bet that river smelled really good. Can we go check it out?

It happened a long time ago? Oh yeah, I forgot. I am listening, person.

The Egyptian magicians were able to do the same thing by their secret arts so Pharaoh’s heart became hard and he went into his palace.

Now what, person?

I’m listening – really.

About a week later God told Moses and Aaron to go back to Pharaoh and if he still wouldn’t listen God would plague the country with frogs. The frogs would get into the palace and on their beds, and in their ovens and where they kneaded their bread. The frogs would be everywhere.

But the magicians were able to make frogs come too. Pharaoh told Moses to pray for the Lord to take the frogs away and he would let his people go. So Moses asked Pharaoh to set the time and that’s when the frogs all died. They made big stinky piles of dead frogs…

Excuse me, person. Those piles of frogs probably had a nice smell. You know, dog perfume.

Okay, I’ll listen.

When Pharaoh saw that the frogs were gone he hardened his heart again and wouldn’t let the people go.

So this time God told Aaron to stretch out his staff and strike the dust of the ground. When he did that all the dust became gnats.

We have gnats here sometimes. They’re nasty little critters.

I’m listening.

The magicians couldn’t produce any gnats by their secret arts and told Pharaoh that this is the finger of God.

It’s about time. Is Pharaoh going to let the Israelites go now?

What!? Pharaoh’s heart was still hard and he wouldn’t listen? I don’t believe it!

So what now?

God had Moses tell Pharaoh that he was sending swarms of flies, but that there would be no flies in the part of the land where the Israelites lived. When flies swarmed into Pharaoh’s palace, and into the houses of his officials, and ruined the land, Pharaoh told Moses that he would let his people go if Moses would get rid of the flies.

Moses prayed to God and all the flies left.

And they finally got to go?

Hey, wait a minute! You mean to tell me Pharaoh went back on his word again? This is terrible. Next time God should leave those flies there.

I’ll be right back, person. I think I hear a fly buzzing in the kitchen. I’ve got to go catch it and send it to Pharaoh.

37 Comments

Posted by Bongo on August 12, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Aaron, Bible, dogs, Egypt, faith, God, Moses, Pets, Pharaoh, plagues

Too Many Snakes

05 Aug

English: Moses and Aaron Appear before Pharaoh (Ex. 6:26-30, 7:1-10) Русский: Моисей и Аарон перед фараоном (Исх. 6:26-30, 7:1-10) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So person, a whole week ago Pharaoh was being even meaner to the Israelites, and they were mad at Moses and Moses was mad at God. So is God finally going to give Pharaoh what for, or not?

God told Moses what? That He would redeem Israel with an outstretched arm and mighty acts of judgment? Okay God, bring it on. Give that mean old Pharaoh what for!

I’m listening to the story, person. Can’t I help cheer God on?

God told Moses to tell the Israelites that He would take them out of Egypt and bring them to the land that He had promised to their fathers Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. But the Israelites wouldn’t listen to Moses because of their discouragement and cruel bondage.

Then God told Moses to tell Pharaoh to let the Israelites go. But Moses said if the Israelites wouldn’t listen to him then why would Pharaoh listen.

Why doesn’t God just come down and give Pharaoh what for?

I’m listening person, but I really want to see God zap Pharaoh.

Well God convinced Moses and his brother Aaron to go talk to Pharaoh, and said to them that when Pharaoh tells them to perform a miracle that Aaron should throw his staff down and it will become a snake.

Was that like the snake that was in our driveway awhile back?

I’m listening.

Aaron threw his staff down and it became a snake, but the Egyptian magicians turned their staffs into snakes too.

Yikes, that’s a lot of snakes.

What? Aaron’s snake swallowed up all the other snakes? So there was only one snake?

So did Pharaoh let the Israelites go?

What! He didn’t? His heart was hard and he wouldn’t listen? That’s not fair.

I don’t think Pharaoh is very scared of snakes. So when is God really going to give Pharaoh what for? He sure is taking His time.

I bet Pharaoh would be scared of my snake. Can we go outside now? I need to see if that snake came back to our driveway so I can send it over to Pharaoh.

18 Comments

Posted by Bongo on August 5, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Aaron, Bible, dogs, Egypt, faith, God, Moses, Pets, Pharaoh, Snake

Off to Egypt

29 Jul

Moses and Aaron before Pharaoh (painting by Benjamin West) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, I’ve had to wait a whole week to find out if Moses left his sheep and his sheep dogs and went to Egypt. So are you going to tell me? I’m still waiting.

He did go? I thought so. God was pretty insistent. But what about the sheep?

The Bible doesn’t say anything about the sheep? Why not? Okay I’ll listen to the story.

Moses took his wife and sons and put them on a donkey and headed back to Egypt. At least they took a donkey with them.

Yes, I’m listening person.

The Lord told Moses’ brother Aaron to go into the desert to meet Moses, so that Aaron could help Moses when he went to face Pharoah.

When Moses and Aaron got to Egypt they met with the elders of the Israelites who were very happy to hear that the Lord was concerned about them.

Then Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh.

Did they give him what for?

I am listening.

They told Pharaoh that the Lord, the God of Israel says, “Let my people go, that they may hold a festival to me in the desert.”

Did Pharaoh let them go?

He what!?

Not only did Pharaoh say no, he made things harder on the Israelites. He told his slave drivers and foremen to stop giving the Israelites straw for making bricks, but to require them to make the same number of bricks as before.

So now the Israelites had to find their own straw and still make the same number of bricks. And they weren’t very happy with Moses and Aaron.

Moses went to God and he wasn’t very happy with God. It seemed to him that God had sent him to cause more trouble for the Israelites and God hadn’t rescued them at all.

So is God going to help Moses give Pharaoh what for, or not?

What do you mean, I’ve got to wait another week? How long is this story anyway? Do you think maybe you could get God to move a little faster?

24 Comments

Posted by Bongo on July 29, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Aaron, Bible, dogs, Egypt, faith, God, Israelite, Moses, Pets, Pharaoh