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Tag Archives: Jesus

Sleeping on the Job

30 Mar

Painting_of_Christ_in_GethsemaneHey person, I’m still waiting for Jesus and the disciples to drop a few morsels and crumbs from that Last Supper.

But wait. If it’s the Last Supper I bet they wanted to make sure they ate all they could.

Guess I’d better look for some other place to get a handout.

You’re going to tell me another story while I’m looking?

Okay, but if I find some good stuff that needs to be cleaned off a floor somewhere I might stop listening.

***

They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to His disciples, “Sit here while I pray.”

***

I hope the disciples brought some leftovers with them to munch on while they were sitting.

I am too listening.

***

Jesus took Peter, James, and John along with Him, and He began to be deeply distressed and troubled.

***

I didn’t think anything bothered Jesus.

Oh yeah, Jesus just had His last supper. I bet He was already thinking of all the meals He wasn’t going to get.

I’m listening. I’m listening.

***

“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” Jesus said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.”

Going a little further He fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from Him. “Abba, Father,” He said, “everything is possible for You. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what You will.”

***

Did Jesus bring His cup from that supper? He probably should have left it behind.

***

Then Jesus returned to His disciples and found them sleeping.

“Simon,” He said to Peter, “are you asleep?

Could you not watch for one hour? Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.”

***

Their bodies will be stronger after they finish their nap.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Once more Jesus went away and prayed the same thing.

When He came back, He again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. They did not know what to say to Him.

***

Maybe they should take Jesus’ cup from Him.

If they had something to drink they might stay awake.

***

Returning the third time, Jesus said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Enough! The hour has come. Look, the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!”

***

What a way to wake up those sleeping disciples.

Jesus wouldn’t have had to go to that extreme with me.

All He would have had to say is, “Food!”

 
7 Comments

Posted by on March 30, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Dropping Crumbs and Pouring Out

23 Mar

Leonardo da Vinci - Last SupperNot now, person.

I’m still playing in that water that Jesus used to wash feet with in last week’s story.

What?

There’s food in this story?

It’s about a supper?

Bring it on! I’m all ears!

***

Then came the day of Unleavened Bread on which the Passover lamb had to be sacrificed.

***

Lamb? They’re gonna have lamb!?

I’m eating with them.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

Jesus sent Peter and John, saying, “Go and make preparations for us to eat the Passover.”

***

Hey Peter – John, make sure to save a place for me!

***

“Where do you want us to prepare for it?” they asked.

Jesus replied, “As you enter the city, a man carrying a jar of water will meet you. Follow him to the house that he enters, and say to the owner of the house, ‘The Teacher asks: Where is the guest room, where I may eat the Passover with my disciples?’ He will show you a large upper room, all furnished. Make preparations there.”

They left and found things just as Jesus had told them. So they prepared the Passover.

***

I’d better go help. They might need someone to clean up the floor when things get dropped.

I’ll listen! I’ll listen!

***

When the hour came, Jesus and His apostles reclined at the table. And He said to them, “I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer. For I tell you, I will not eat it again until it finds fulfillment in the kingdom of God.”

***

If Jesus is going to leave His food and not eat it, I’ll eat it for Him.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

After taking the cup, Jesus gave thanks and said, “Take this and divide it among you. For I tell you I will not drink again of the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes.

***

What do you mean, I can’t have any of that fruit of the vine stuff that Jesus doesn’t drink?

Dogs can’t have grapes?

Jesus didn’t say anything about grapes.

***

And Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.”

***

Bread’s alright, but could you pass over that lamb?

***

In the same way, after the supper He took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.”

***

Okay, now Jesus is pouring that stuff out.

Can I drink it if it falls on the floor?

 
11 Comments

Posted by on March 23, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Want a Bath?

16 Mar

Jesus washing Peter's feetIn the last story you told me Jesus was turning over tables.

Now you’re going to tell me a story about washing feet?

Was there dirt on those tables that spilled onto the people’s feet?

Maybe a dog got muddy paw prints on somebody’s feet.

Okay, I’ll listen to the story.

***

It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for Him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved His own who were in the world, He now showed them the full extent of His love.

***

I bet He gave them lots of extra treats.

I am listening.

***

The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus.

***

Is Judas Iscariot going to make Jesus do something special for him?

I bet he wants extra treats.

***

Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under His power, and that He had come from God and was returning to God.

***

God gives treats, doesn’t He?

I’m listening. I’m listening.

***

So Jesus got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist.

***

I hope Jesus finished His dinner before He did that.

***

After that, Jesus poured water into a basin and began to wash His disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around Him.

***

That sounds kind of like when you give me a bath person. Except that you wash more than my feet.

***

Jesus came to Simon Peter, who said to Him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”

Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

“No,” said Peter, “you will never wash my feet.”

***

I guess Peter didn’t like baths.

***

Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”

“Then Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”

***

Oh, now I get it. Peter didn’t think he was getting enough of a bath. He wanted more.

Peter’s my kind of guy.

***

Jesus answered, “A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” For He knew who was going to betray Him, and that was why He said not every one was clean.

***

Couldn’t Jesus have just given that not clean guy a bath?

***

When Jesus had finished washing their feet, He put on His clothes and returned to His place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” He asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.

***

That should be easy. Once I’m all wet all I have to do is shake and somebody else’s feet will get washed.

***

Then Jesus said, “I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.”

***

Sometimes that’s not true.

You think you’re greater than me, person, but I know different.

 
10 Comments

Posted by on March 16, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Money or Prayer

09 Mar

Bernardo Belloto - Jesus cleansing the templeIn last week’s story Jesus was riding on a donkey and now he’s turning over tables in the temple?

I bet He rode the donkey into the temple and the donkey accidentally knocked those tables over.

That didn’t happen?

Jesus knocked over those tables on purpose?

I don’t get it.

I thought Jesus was a nice, peaceful guy who healed people and gave dogs loves and treats.

Okay, I’ll listen to the story.

***

On reaching Jerusalem, Jesus entered the temple area and began driving out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves, and would not allow anyone to carry merchandise through the temple courts.

***

So why did Jesus do that?

Weren’t those people just trying to make a living?

They needed to make money so they could feed their dogs, didn’t they?

What do you mean, they were selling things for too high a price?

That doesn’t make sense. Wouldn’t the people just go buy stuff somewhere else then?

Oh. They could only use temple stuff when they worshiped God there – so they had to buy it?

I would bark a lot.

I am listening.

***

And as Jesus taught them, He said, “Is it not written” ‘My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations’?

But you have made it ‘a den of robbers.’”

***

I get it. Those people were making all kinds of money when they should have been praying.

***

The chief priests and the teachers of the law heard this and began looking for a way to kill Jesus, for they feared Him, because the whole crowd was amazed at His teaching.

***

Wouldn’t it have been better if those chief priests and teachers of the law listened to Jesus and started praying instead of trying to kill Him?

I don’t think I like those guys.

I bet they never give their dogs treats.

 
6 Comments

Posted by on March 9, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Riding a Colt

02 Mar

Jesus riding a donkey into JerusalemHey person, I’ve been listening to all these Bible stories that promise me treats and I’m still waiting for my treats.

What do you mean, there’s no treats in this story?

Then what’s the use of listening.

There’s an animal in the story?

Okay, I guess I’ll listen.

***

Jesus and His disciples were approaching Jerusalem and came to Bethpage and Bethany at the Mount of Olives. Jesus sent two of His disciples, saying to them, “Go to the village ahead of you, and just as you enter it, you will find a colt tied there, which no one has ever ridden.

***

I could chase after that colt for them.

You know, like I tried to chase after those horses we saw on my trails?

Just don’t keep holding onto my leash this time.

I am listening.

***

Jesus said, “Untie the colt and bring it here. If anyone asks you, ‘Why are you doing this?’ tell him, ‘The Lord needs it and will send it back here shortly.’”

***

Is Jesus going to chase after that colt?

***

The disciples went and found a colt outside in the street, tied at a doorway. As they untied it, some people standing there asked, “What are you doing, untying that colt?”

***

Isn’t that inhumane treatment of animals to keep them tied up?

Those disciples were just being nice to that colt.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

The disciples answered as Jesus had told them to, and the people let them go.

***

Jesus must have been a popular guy.

***

When they brought the colt to Jesus and threw their cloaks over it, He sat on it. Many people spread their cloaks on the road, while others spread branches they had cut in the fields.

***

I don’t get it. Now the colt and the road must be really warm, but if the people took off their cloaks aren’t they shivering?

***

Those who went ahead and those who followed shouted, “Hosanna!”

“Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!”

Blessed is the coming kingdom of our father David!”

Hosanna in the highest!”

***

I guess Jesus was a popular guy. Those people must have been so busy shouting that they didn’t notice they were cold.

***

Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples!”

“I tell you,” Jesus replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”

***

I think I heard one of those stones crying out when we were on my trails.

It was not a bird.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on March 2, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Eeny Mina Miny Treat

23 Feb

Parable of the 10 minasI’ve been trying to climb a tree ever since I heard the story last week about Zacchaeus in the tree.

Scratchy is useless.

He’s supposed to teach me how to climb and he won’t even leave the house.

Okay, I’m not getting anywhere with the tree thing, I might as well listen to the next story.

Maybe this story will be about treats.

***

Jesus told a parable because he was near Jerusalem and the people thought that the kingdom of God was going to appear at once.

***

Do dogs get treats when the kingdom of God appears? Because if they do I’m voting for it to appear at once.

I am listening.

***

Jesus said, “A man of noble birth went to a distant country to have himself appointed king and then to return. So he called ten of his servants and gave them ten minas.”

***

What are minas? Are they like treats?

***

“’Put this money to work,’ the man said, ‘until I come back.”

***

Oh, it’s money. Well, I can pretend they’re treats.

***

“But the man’s subjects hated him and sent a delegation after him to say, ‘We don’t want this man to be our king.’”

***

He must have been stingy with his treats.

I’m listening. How do you think I know what the man is doing?

***

“He was made king, however, and returned home. Then he sent for the servants to whom he had given the treats money, in order to find out what they had gained with it.

The first one came and said, ‘Sir, your mina treat has earned ten more.’”

***

Woo woo! Treats for everybody!

***

“’Well done, my good servant!’ his master replied. ‘Because you have been trustworthy in a very small matter, take charge of ten cities.’

“The second came and said, ‘Sir, your mina treat has earned five more.’”

***

And more treats for everybody. It’s a real party!

***

“Then another servant came and said, ‘Sir, here is your mina; I have kept it laid away in a piece of cloth. I was afraid of you, because you are a hard man. You take out what you did not put in and reap what you did not sow.’”

***

What a loser. He’s not even invited to the party.

***

“His master replied, ‘I will judge you by your own words, you wicked servant! You knew, did you, that I am a hard man, taking out what I did not put in, and reaping what I did not sow? Why then didn’t you put my money on deposit, so that when I came back, I could have collected it with interest?’”

***

He could have left that mina treat with me.

I would have deposited a lot of slobber on it.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

“Then he said to those standing by, ‘Take his mina treat away from him and give it to the one who has ten minas treats.’

‘Sir,’ they said, ‘he already has ten!’

***

I’ll eat some!

***

He replied, ‘I tell you that to everyone who has, more will be given, but as for the one who has nothing, even what he has will be taken away. But those enemies of mine who did not want me to be king over them – bring them here and kill them in front of me.’”

***

I know who I’m hanging out with.

That guy who has eleven minas treats has plenty to share.

***

After Jesus had said this, He went on ahead, going up to Jerusalem.

***

Hey Jesus, where did that guy with all the treats go?

 
8 Comments

Posted by on February 23, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Climbing a Tree

16 Feb

Zacchaeus being called down from the treeWhat?

You’re telling me there’s a song that goes with this Bible story?

But you won’t let me post it because it might irritate some of my friends?

Oh, it’s a kid’s song?

What about a dog song? Woo woo!

I’m still waiting for Jesus to give me extra treats.

Okay, I’ll listen to the story.

But if I don’t like it I’m gonna start singing.

.

***

Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy.

***

I bet Zacchaeus has some extra treats for me.

What? Nobody liked tax collectors?

Then he really needs to give me some treats.

I’ll like him if he gives me treats.

I am listening.

***

Zacchaeus wanted to see who Jesus was, but being a short man he could not, because of the crowd. So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way.

When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly.

***

Okay, now I’ve got it.

In order to get Jesus’ attention you’ve got to be up in a tree.

Sounds easy enough.

Oh wait. What do I do?

I don’t know how to climb a tree.

Scratchy, come here. Now!

I need you to give me tree climbing lessons.

I’ll listen – as soon as I get up in this tree.

***

All the people saw this and began to mutter, “Jesus has gone to be the guest of a sinner.”

***

I guess Jesus had better think twice about who’s house he visits.

***

But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.”

***

Zacchaeus, I think you cheated me out of some treats.

***

Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.”

***

I think the only thing that’s been lost are my treats.

***

***

Don’t tell my person, but if you really want to hear the song about Zacchaeus, it’s right here.

 
13 Comments

Posted by on February 16, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Can You See Him?

09 Feb

Jesus and Bartimaeus Mark 10 46-52
Last week Jesus said I had to serve people and I’m not going for it.

Unless it’s cleaning up the spills on the floors or giving you exercise.

So you might as well forget telling me a story this week.

What do you mean, you were going to tell me about another miracle that Jesus did?

I like miracles.

I changed my mind.

I’m listening.

I mean it.

I’m really listening.

You’re going to make me sit and roll over and beg first?

I know how to sit and I’m really good at begging – but I never figured out that roll over stuff.

Please tell me the story.

***

As Jesus approached Jericho a blind man was sitting by the roadside begging.

***

Wow. That blind man can beg too.

Yes, I’m listening. I told you before that I was listening.

***

When the blind man heard the crowd going by, he asked what was happening. They told him, “Jesus of Nazareth is passing by.”

***

Hey, that blind man is kind of in the same shape I am.

I don’t know what Jesus looks like, and neither does he.

***

The blind man called out, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”

***

Do you think Jesus would have mercy on me and give me some treats?

I am too listening.

***

Those who led the way rebuked the blind man and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”

Jesus stopped and ordered the man to be brought to Him.

***

Oh no, that man’s in trouble now. He shouldn’t have shouted like that.

***

When the blind man came near, Jesus asked him, “What do you want me to do for you?”

***

Whoa! Wide open question.

I’d ask for some treats.

A whole bunch of treats.

***

“Lord, I want to see,” the blind man replied.

***

Is that all?

He should have asked to be able to see and for bunches of treats.

***

Jesus said to him, “Receive your sight; your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus, praising God. When all the people saw it, they also praised God.

***

I’ll totally praise God if He gives me treats.

 
9 Comments

Posted by on February 9, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Taking my Place

02 Feb

Nobody’s going to read my post today.

First, they’re going to be out looking for that pesky groundhog.

You know, the one who’s supposed to see his shadow so we actually get some winter before it turns spring.

What do you mean, we don’t have any groundhogs here?

That’s terrible! You mean we’re not going to get any snow?

Could somebody please send me some snow?

Anyway, after everybody finishes looking for that groundhog – that they’re not going to find if they live near me – they’re going inside to watch the Super Bowl.

And after that they’ll remember all the things they should have been doing and nobody’s going to read my blog.

Wait! What?

You said two of Jesus’ disciples want to be on each side of Him?

Jesus will have trouble passing any fish to me then.

I’d better do something about this.

Yes, I’m listening to the story.

***

James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came to Jesus. “Teacher,” they said, “we want you to do for us whatever we ask.”

“What do you want me to do for you?” He asked.

They replied, “Let one of us sit at your right and the other at your left in your glory.”

***

I’m sure Jesus would rather have a dog by His side.

I am listening.

***

“You don’t know what you are asking,” Jesus said. “Can you drink the cup I drink or be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with?”

***

There’s just water in that cup, right?

And baptism, isn’t that kind of like going swimming?

I’m all in!

***

“We can,” they answered.

Jesus said to them, “You will drink the cup I drink and be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with, but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared.”

***

See, I knew it!

I’m sure there’s a spot right next to Jesus prepared for a dog.

I’m listening! Do you think I’d know what to say if I wasn’t listening?

***

When the ten heard about this,…

***

The ten and the dog – that’s me.

***

…they became indignant with James and John. Jesus called them together and said, “You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all.”

***

What!? I have to be a servant and a slave?

There must be some other way.

That’s too hard.

***

Jesus continued, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.”

***

Okay, if Jesus can do it I guess I can too.

Hey person, here’s your slippers.

I did not take them off your feet so I could give them to you!

 
28 Comments

Posted by on February 2, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Staggered Shifts

26 Jan

Rembrandt - Parable of the Laborers in the VineyardLast week I was trying to stuff a camel through a needle’s eye – but it didn’t work.

Do you think maybe I could get my treats to go through?

I mean, heaven wouldn’t be heaven without treats.

Okay, I’ll listen to the story.

But I hope there’s treats in it.

***

Jesus said, “For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire men to work in his vineyard. He agreed to pay them a denarius for the day and sent them into his vineyard.”

***

How many treats does a denarius buy?

I am listening.

***

“About the third hour he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. He told them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.’ So they went.”

***

Maybe he was going to pay them in treats.

***

“He went out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour and did the same thing. About the eleventh hour he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, ‘Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?’”

***

I bet if someone offered them treats they’d work for them.

How much listening do I have to do? Give me a treat first.

***

“’Because no one has hired us,’ they answered.

“He said to them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard.’”

***

That man must have had a lot of treats to pay with.

What do you mean, vineyards have grapes and dogs aren’t supposed to eat them?

No fair!

***

“When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, ‘Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.’”

***

I think I’ll wait and hang out with those first workers – after they get paid, that is.

***

“The workers who were hired about the eleventh hour came and each received a denarius. So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. When the received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. ‘These men who were hired last worked only one hour,’ they said, ‘and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.’”

***

I bet those grumbly guys won’t even buy me any treats. I think I’ll go hang out with an eleventh hour guy.

***

“But he answered one of them, ‘Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am so generous?’”

***

Now I know who I’m going to hang out with. I think I like that landowner.

***

Then Jesus said, “So the last will be first, and the first will be last.”

***

Okay, I’m getting in line last – I mean first.

I mean – I don’t know what I mean. I’m all confused.

Which way are the treats?

 
15 Comments

Posted by on January 26, 2014 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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