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Tag Archives: Jesus

A Sinking Feeling

Ivan Aivazovsky’s painting Walking on Water (1888) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Can we go back to last week’s Bible story, person? The one where Jesus fed all those people and they had lots of leftovers for me?

What? You’re going to tell me a different story? Well, there’d better be food in it then.

***

After Jesus fed all the people…

***

And I ate the leftovers.

I am listening.

***

Jesus urged his disciples to get into the boat and head across the lake for Capernaum while He dismissed the crowd.

After the crowd left, Jesus went up on a mountain to pray and when evening came he was there alone.

***

I wonder if Jesus would like me to come and give him some loves.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

The boat the disciples were in was already way out on the lake and it was being tossed around on the waves because the wind was against it.

***

I hope those disciples didn’t get sea sick.

***

In the middle of the night Jesus took a walk on the lake and headed for the disciples. When the disciples saw Jesus they thought He was a ghost and they were terrified.

But Jesus told them it was Him and said not to be afraid.

***

I wouldn’t be afraid. I’d jump into the water with Jesus.

I wonder if he has any sticks for me to fetch.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

Peter said, “Lord, if it’s you tell me to come to you on the water.

Jesus said, “Come.”

Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus.

***

Did Peter jump right in with a big splash. That’s what I would do.

***

When Peter saw the wind he was afraid and began to sink. He cried out to Jesus, “Lord, save me!”

***

Why doesn’t Peter just do the dog paddle?

***

Immediately Jesus reached out His hand and caught Peter. And Jesus said to Peter, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”

When Jesus and Peter climbed into the boat the wind died down. Those who were in the boat worshiped Jesus and said, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

***

I sure hope that when Peter started sinking he felt some fish swimming around his feet and grabbed them. All this walking on water is making me hungry.

18 Comments

Posted by Bongo on June 30, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Boat, Christianity, Disciple (Christianity), dogs, faith, God, Jesus, Jesus' walk on water, Peter, Pets

Two Fish and Five Loaves

23 Jun

English: Jesus feeding a crowd with 5 loaves of bread and two fish (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Alright! Coming up is one of my favorite stories about Jesus.

It’s a food story, and for those of you who know me, you know that food is one of my favorite things.

Okay person, I’m listening. Bring on the food!

***

People were coming and going so much that Jesus and his disciples didn’t have a chance to eat…

***

Wait a minute! I thought this was a story about food. Not a story about no food.

I’ll listen. But it’s hard to have patience when you’re hungry.

***

So Jesus took the disciples and they went away to a quiet place by boat.

But many people saw them leaving and they ran ahead, so that when Jesus landed on shore he saw a large crowd.

Jesus had compassion on the people and He healed their sick and began teaching them many things.

***

So where’s the food?

I’m running out of patience.

***

Late in the day the disciples came to Jesus and said, “Send the people away so they can go to the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat.”

***

You mean there wasn’t any food there?

I am listening.

***

But Jesus said to the disciples, “You give them something to eat.”

“What?” the disciples said. “It would take eight months wages to feed all these people. How are we going to do that?”

Jesus said, “How many loaves do you have? Go and see.”

They found a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish.

***

Fish? Did you say fish? There’s not enough fish for all those people. You’d better give the fish to me.

I am settled down. Do I get the fish now?

***

Jesus directed the people to sit down in groups on the grass.

Jesus took the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves.

He gave them to the disciples to give to the people.

***

Here I am. I’m sitting in a group of my own. Bring on the fish!

***

When the food was distributed to the people and they had eaten everything they wanted, the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces of bread and fish.

The number of people who had eaten was about five thousand men, plus the women and children.

***

What are they going to do with those leftovers? They shouldn’t let them go to waste.

Hey Jesus! Over here! I’ll take care of those leftovers for you.

14 Comments

Posted by Bongo on June 23, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, bread, Christianity, dogs, faith, Fish, God, Jesus, Pets, Religion and Spirituality

Sending Them Off

16 Jun

Jesus Discourses with His Disciples (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What? Jesus is sending His disciples away? You’d think after they were mean to him in his own hometown of Nazareth that He’d want to keep his disciples close by for support.

What do you mean, you want me to listen to a story? Jesus is all alone now. Where’s the story?

What do you mean, Jesus is never alone?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus called his twelve disciples to Him and He gave them power and authority to drive out demons and to cure diseases, and He sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick.

***

You mean now the disciples could do all that miracle stuff that Jesus did?

You mean they can get me some fish?

But what would they need Jesus for if they could do it themselves?

They needed His authority? I don’t get it.

I’m listening.

***

Jesus told the disciples to take nothing for the journey – no bag, no bread, no money, and no extra tunic.

***

How are they going to eat? I’m getting hungry thinking about it.

I don’t need that stuff they’re leaving behind because you feed me, but what about them? You’re not going to feed them too, are you?

I am listening.

***

Jesus told the disciples that the worker is worth his keep. When they entered a town or village they were to find a worthy person and stay at his house until they left that place.

***

Now I get it. They would go heal people and preach about God so someone would feed them because they were doing that.

But what happens if they can’t find anyone to do that? Would they be like stray dogs then?

***

Jesus said that if the people didn’t welcome them they were to shake the dust off their feet when they left as a testimony against them.

***

Shake the dust off their feet? Is that kind of like when I kick up dust to cover my business?

15 Comments

Posted by Bongo on June 16, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, Disciple (Christianity), dogs, faith, God, Jesus, Nazareth, Pets, Religion and Spirituality

A Prophet in His Hometown

09 Jun

What do you mean, you’re going to tell me a short story? I can stretch out a story for a long time. There’s no such thing as a short Bible story for me.

I’m going to ask lots of questions, so don’t think I’m not listening when you tell me the story.

***

Jesus went to his hometown of Nazareth and his disciples went with him.

***

Was Jesus going to a big family reunion?

Of course I’m listening. I told you I was going to ask lots of questions.

***

When the Sabbath came…

***

What’s the Sabbath? I’ll listen if you tell me.

***

The Sabbath is a day to rest and to worship God. So when the Sabbath came Jesus began to teach in the synagogue and many who heard Him were amazed.

***

I would be amazed if I heard Jesus too.

What do you mean, that’s not a question?

***

The people couldn’t figure out how Jesus got such wisdom and could even perform miracles. After all, they knew Him when he was growing up.

The people said, “Isn’t this the carpenter? Isn’t this Mary’s son and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas, and Simon? Aren’t His sister’s here with us?” And…

***

It sounds like Jesus was having a big family reunion. He had a big family.

I shouldn’t always have to ask a question. I asked one last time.

***

the people of Nazareth took offense at Jesus.

***

That wasn’t very nice of them.

I am too listening.

***

Jesus said to the people, “Only in his hometown, among his relatives and in his own house is a prophet without honor.”

***

That’s why I don’t get any respect around here.

Do you know what those cats did?

***

Jesus couldn’t do any miracles in Nazareth, except lay hands on a few sick people and heal them, because of their lack of faith.

***

So you mean that even Jesus can’t do miracles if the people don’t have faith?

I have faith. I have faith that Jesus can make some fish appear for me.

Wait, you mean that’s the end of the story?

Can I ask another question?

10 Comments

Posted by Bongo on June 9, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, faith, Jesus, Nazareth, Question, Sabbath, Shabbat

English: Raising of Jairus’ Daughter by Wassilij Dimitriewitsch Polenow. Stamp of Russia, 2000, a commemorative issue for 2000th Anniversary of the Birth of Jesus Русский: 2000-летие Рождества Христова. Почтовая марка России 2000 года (серия из 4 марок и одного блока). Изображена картина Поленова «Воскрешение дочери Иаира» (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Jesus sure has been busy. He calmed a storm and sent a bunch of demons out of a man into a herd of pigs all in one day. I bet he’s going to go home and take a nap now.

What, no nap?

Oh yeah, I forgot. He already took a nap. In the boat while that storm was going on.

So what’s Jesus gonna do now?

***

Jesus went by boat back to the other side of the lake, to Capernaum. When he returned a large crowd welcomed him.

***

I bet that crowd was worried about the pigs that jumped into the water.

What? They didn’t care about those pigs? All that bacon?

Jesus’ people didn’t eat pigs? Well, at least they ate fish.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

While Jesus was by the lake a synagogue ruler named Jairus came and fell at Jesus’ feet. Jairus told Jesus that his little daughter was dying and he pleaded with Jesus to come heal her. So Jesus went with Jairus.

A large crowd followed Jesus and pressed around him, and a woman who had been bleeding for twelve years and had spent all her money on doctors who couldn’t heal her, came up behind Jesus and touched his cloak. She thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.”

***

Does Jesus have magic clothes, too?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

The woman’s bleeding stopped when she touched Jesus’ cloak and Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around and asked, “Who touched my clothes?”

The disciples told Jesus that the crowd was all around him, but Jesus kept looking around.

And the woman came and fell at his feet, and trembling with fear, she told him the truth.

Jesus said to her,”Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”

***

So if I have faith that I will get fish, will I get some?

I am listening.

***

While Jesus was still speaking some men came from Jairus’ house and told him his daughter was dead and he didn’t need to bother Jesus any more.

But Jesus said, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.”

Jesus would only let Peter, James, and John follow him and when they got to the house people were crying and wailing loudly.

***

I bet Jesus would have let me come too. I can wail really well.

I’m listening.

***

Jesus told them to stop wailing and said, “The child is not dead but asleep.”

All the people there laughed at him.

***

I bet if Jesus gave them some fish they’d stop laughing.

***

Jesus took the child’s father and mother and the three disciples with him to where the little girl was. He took her by the hand and said, “My child, get up!”

The little girl immediately stood up and Jesus gave orders not to let anyone know about this and told them to give her something to eat.

***

I bet that little girl isn’t very hungry yet. She’ll probably share some of her food with me.

12 Comments

Posted by Bongo on June 2, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Capernaum, Christianity, Daughter of Jairus, faith, healing, Jairus, Jesus, miracles, Pets

Drowning Pigs

26 May

After Jesus calmed that storm and they let some fish jump into their boat and had a fish feast…

What do you mean, I’m making that part up?

I know it doesn’t say anything in that part of the Bible about anybody eating fish, but you know they must have.

You can believe what you want. I prefer to believe that they ate fish – and invited me to the feast.

***

After Jesus calmed the storm they sailed to the other side of the Sea of Galilee, to the region of the Gerasenes.

And this dude came out to meet Jesus.

***

Didn’t lots of people come out to meet Jesus?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

This dude had an evil spirit and lived in the tombs. He had often been chained hand and foot but he broke the chains and no one was strong enough to subdue him. He would cry out night and day and cut himself with stones.

***

Wow, that’s some scary dude. If I was Jesus I’d run back to the boat and head back home.

He stayed there? Did he have his tail between his legs?

I am listening.

***

The man ran to Jesus and fell on his knees in front of him. He shouted at the top of his voice, “What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I beg you, don’t torture me!” For Jesus had commanded the evil spirit to come out of the man.

Jesus asked the man his name and the man said Legion, because many demons had gone into him.

***

That would be pretty squishy for all those demons to fit inside one man. I wonder how they got along with each other.

I’m listening, but I’ve got to make comments sometimes.

***

The demons begged Jesus not to send them into the Abyss. There was a large herd of pigs feeding on the hillside and the demons begged Jesus to let them go into the pigs. Jesus let them, and as soon as they went into the pigs, they rushed down the steep bank into the lake and were drowned.

***

What a waste of a lot of good bacon.

I can swim. Could I go retrieve some pigs?

Yes, I’ll listen.

***

The people tending the pigs ran off to report what had happened and people came to see what was going on. When the people came to meet Jesus they found the man who had been possessed by demons sitting there, dressed and in his right mind.

The people asked Jesus to leave because they were afraid.

The man Jesus had cured begged to go with him, but Jesus told him to return home and tell how much God had done for him. So that’s what the man did, and all the people were amazed.

***

You’re not done with the story are you?

What about those pigs?

13 Comments

Posted by Bongo on May 26, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, Demon, dogs, Fish, Jesus, Legion, Pets, Pig, Sea of Galilee

Calm the Storm

19 May

One day when Jesus was waiting for all the seeds to grow into good food…

I know that’s not how the story goes, but don’t you agree it’s better if there’s food in the story?

Okay, I’ll listen to the right story.

***

One day when Jesus had a crowd around Him He said to his disciples, “Let’s go over to the other side of the lake.”

So they got into a boat and set out.

***

I hope they brought their fishing nets.

I am listening.

***

While they were sailing, Jesus fell asleep.

Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake and the waves swept over the boat.

***

Hold on to those fishing nets, disciples!

***

The disciples woke Jesus up and said to Him, “Don’t you care if we drown?”

Jesus got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!”

The wind died down and it was completely calm.

***

Time for fishing now.

Yes, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?

The disciples were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and waves obey Him!”

***

The fish obey Jesus too. Maybe he could have a few jump into the boat.

Hey guys, wait for me! I don’t want to miss any of those fish!

17 Comments

Posted by Bongo on May 19, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Boat, Christianity, dogs, faith, Fishing net, Jesus, Pets, Religion and Spirituality, Sea of Galilee, Storm

Bird Seed

12 May

Soil (Photo credit: arimoore)

Jesus told a story about bird seed?

He did too. He was by the lake and so many people came that he got in a boat and told them stories while they stood on the shore.

You know, those stories with two bulls in them – those pair a bulls.

But this story wasn’t about bulls, it was about bird seed.

***

A farmer went out to sow his seed. Some of the seed fell along the path and the birds came and ate it up.

***

See, I told you it was a story about bird seed.

What do you mean, there’s more to the story?

***

Some of the farmer’s seed fell in rocky places without much soil. It grew quickly, but when the sun came out the plants withered because they had no root.

***

I don’t get it. I understand bird seed – but rock seed?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Some of the seed fell among thorns which grew up and choked the plants.

***

Maybe the birds could eat the thorn seeds.

I am listening.

***

Some of the seed fell on good soil and produced a crop – a hundred, sixty, or thirty times what was sown.

***

I sure hope that crop was of something I like to eat.

There’s more to the story? I’ve still got to listen?

But I was getting ready to eat.

***

Jesus disciples asked him what the parable meant and He told them.

Jesus said that the seed is the word of God. Those on the path hear the word, but then the devil takes the word from their hearts so they won’t believe and be saved.

***

You mean those birds are the devil? I thought I saw a few birds looking at me with the evil eye.

***

Those on the rock receive the word with joy, but since they have no root they fall away when things get hard.

***

It’s really rocky where I live. I wonder if that takes everybody’s joy away. It takes mine away when a little rock gets stuck in my paw.

I am too listening.

***

The thorns are those who hear but worries, and money, and stuff become more important to them.

***

Does that include food?

***

The seed on the good soil stands for those who hear the word, understand it, stick with it, and produce a crop.

***

Oh, I get it now. When the word falls on good soil, that means more food.

Come on everybody, get away from that path, and those rocks, and the thorns. You’ve got to hang out on the good soil.

Get moving. I’m waiting for the food.

25 Comments

Posted by Bongo on May 12, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, dogs, Jesus, parable, Pets, Seed, Soil

Dinner at Last

05 May

Deutsch: Christus im Hause des Pharisäers, Jacopo Tintoretto, Escorial (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Finally! Jesus is going to dinner. I think I’ll tag along and pretend I’m his dog. They’ll have to let me in.

What do you mean they might not let dogs come? They let that lady come and she wasn’t even invited.

Yes, I’ll listen to the story.

***

A Pharisee named Simon invited Jesus to dinner.

***

I wonder if they’re having fish for dinner.

I’m listening – I’m listening.

***

A woman who’d lived a sinful life found out Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house. She showed up with an alabaster jar of perfume.

***

I hope they invited her in and gave her some fish.

I am too listening.

***

The woman stood at Jesus’ feet weeping. She began to wet His feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them, and poured perfume on them.

Simon the Pharisee thought to himself that if Jesus was really a prophet He would know that this woman who touched Him was a sinner.

***

I wouldn’t care who that woman was if I got loves. Maybe not on the feet though.

Can I get loves while I listen?

***

Jesus knew what Simon was thinking and He told Simon a story.

“Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both.”

Then Jesus asked Simon which of the two would love the moneylender more.

Simon replied that he thought it would be the one with the bigger debt canceled and Jesus told him he was right.

***

This is where Jesus gives Simon what for, isn’t it?

I am listening. I’m just trying to help you along.

***

Jesus told Simon that when He came into his house Simon hadn’t given him any water to wash His feet, but the woman had washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. Simon had not given Jesus a kiss, but the woman had not stopped kissing His feet. Simon had not put oil on Jesus’ head, but the woman poured perfume on His feet.

Jesus told the woman her many sins were forgiven because she had loved much. And He said that he who has been forgiven little loves little.

The other dinner guests began mumbling among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

***

Would Jesus forgive my sins? I’ll kiss His feet.

Oh wait, I forgot. I’m the perfect dog. I don’t have any sins to forgive.

***

Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

***

I think that woman should have kept hanging out. She probably would have gotten some fish. Oh well, that’s okay. All the more for me.

15 Comments

Posted by Bongo on May 5, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, dogs, faith, Forgiveness, Jesus, Pets, Pharisee, Simon, Sin

Say the Word

28 Apr

English: Jesus healing the servant of a Centurion by Paolo Veronese Source: http://www.artst.org/mannerism/veronese/ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Is Jesus having another fish dinner yet?

What do you mean, I’m out of luck? I know Jesus can have fish dinner whenever He wants.

Oh, He healed somebody else? But it was different than before?

I guess I’ll listen. I like miracles.

***

There was a Roman centurion in Capernaum who was highly thought of by the Jews. He loved the nation of Israel and had built a synagogue for them.

***

Did he give treats to the dogs?

Yes, I’m listening.

***

This centurion had a servant whom he valued highly who was sick and about to die. When he heard of Jesus he sent some of the elders of the Jews to Him, asking Him if he would heal the servant. The Jews told Jesus that the man deserved to have Him do this.

Jesus went with the men, but when he was near the house the centurion sent some friends to tell Jesus that he didn’t deserve to have him come under his roof, and that he hadn’t come himself because he didn’t feel worthy to come to Jesus.

***

Jesus could come to my house then.

As long as he brings fish, that is.

I am listening.

***

The centurion told Jesus to say the word, and his servant would be healed.

***

What if Jesus said the word and fish appeared?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus was amazed at this centurion and He turned to the crowd following Him and said, “I tell you the truth, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith.”

The men the centurion had sent returned to the house and found the servant well.

***

Good. Jesus is finished healing. I bet he’s hungry now. I think I’ll go hang around and see if I can get an invite to dinner.

21 Comments

Posted by Bongo on April 28, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Capernaum, Centurion, Christianity, dogs, faith, Fish, Israel, Jesus, Jews