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Tag Archives: Jesus

Who is my Neighbor?

08 Sep

Good SamaritanWhat are you telling me person? Someone gave Jesus a test?

Did He pass with flying colors, or did He just get a B or a C?

I’ll listen, but first I want to know what grade Jesus got?

***

An expert in the law stood up to test Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

Jesus asked the man what is written in the Law and the man answered “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

***

Wait a minute. Who did you say was giving the test?

I’m listening.

***

Then the man asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

***

If I’m his neighbor then he has to give me loves – and treats.

***

Jesus replied by telling a story.

***

I thought this already was a story.

***

Jesus said, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead.”

***

Can you hold the story, person? I’ve got to go after those robbers and give them what for.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

“A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.”

***

Did anybody tell those people that they’re walking on the wrong side of the road? Somebody might come and run them over.

***

“But a Samaritan, as he travelled, came to where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him.”

***

Weren’t the Samaritans those people that everybody hated?

Yeah, I thought so.

***

“The Samaritan went to the man and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine.”

***

I could have licked that man’s wounds. I bet that would have felt better than the wine.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

“Then the Samaritan put the man on his donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’”

Then Jesus asked, “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

***

I don’t think I’m ever going to give Jesus a test. He didn’t even take it – but he sure gave that other guy a test.

***

The expert in the law replied to Jesus, “The one who had mercy on him was the neighbor.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

***

Can I go now? I’ve still got to give those robbers what for.

 
14 Comments

Posted by on September 8, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Stomping on Snakes

01 Sep

Jesus sends the 72 in pairsWait a minute. Last week you told me a story about Jesus healing that blind man, and now you’re telling me He sent His disciples away?

What do you mean, a training mission?

Well, if Jesus is training His disciples, I should get trained too. I’m going with them.

I don’t need to listen to the story. I’ll find it out from those disciples when I follow them.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus appointed seventy-two disciples and sent them two by two ahead of Him to every town and place where He was about to go.

He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into His harvest field. Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. Do not take a purse or bag or sandals; and do not greet anyone on the road.”

***

Those disciples need a guard dog to protect them from those wolves. I’d better go for sure.

***

Jesus told the disciples to stay in the first house they enter if a man of peace is there, and not to move around from house to house. He also said, “When you enter a town and are welcomed, eat what is set before you. Heal the sick who are there and tell them, ‘The kingdom of God is near you.’”

***

Wait! They got free food and then they got to do miracles too?

I’m going on this trip for sure.

***

Then Jesus said to them, “When you enter a town and are not welcomed, go into its streets and say, ‘Even the dust of your town that sticks to our feet we wipe off against you. Yet be sure of this: The kingdom of God is near.’”

***

I like kicking up dust. That sounds like fun.

I am listening.

***

When the seventy-two disciples returned they were full of joy and said, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.”

Jesus said, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.”

***

I think I’m going to go out and get me a few snakes and scorpions right now.

***

“However,” Jesus said, “do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.”

***

Snakes and scorpions, watch out! I’m going to trample on you and then I’m going to escape to heaven where you can’t touch me – ‘cause my name’s written there.

 
11 Comments

Posted by on September 1, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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I was Blind

25 Aug

Jesus healing a blind manJesus did more miracles? He’s just full of miracles, isn’t he?

I hope he does another food miracle. I’m getting hungry.

No food this time? I need a cookie before we start then.

On second thought, I need a bunch of cookies.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus saw a man who had been blind from birth. The Jews of Jesus’ day believed that physical problems were caused by sin and Jesus’ disciples asked Him if it had been the man or his parents who had sinned.

***

I guess that’s why I have perfect health. I’m such a perfect dog.

Being scared of thunder doesn’t count.

***

Jesus said that neither had sinned. The man was blind so the work of God might be displayed in his life.

Having said this, Jesus spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes.

***

I could do that with a slobbery kiss on that man’s eyes.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

“Go,” Jesus told the man, “wash in the pool of Siloam.” So the man went and washed, and came home seeing.

***

I guess my slobbery kisses never made anyone see. Maybe I forgot the part about having to wash the slobber out again.

***

The man’s neighbors who had seen him begging in the past weren’t sure if it was him, but he assured them he was the same man who had been blind.

“How then were your eyes opened?” the neighbors demanded.

The man told them what had happened and that it was Jesus who had healed him. Then the neighbors took the man to the Pharisees who questioned him again.

***

It might have been a lot easier for that man if he had just put everything on Facebook.

I am too listening.

***

The day that Jesus had healed the man was a Sabbath so some of the Pharisees said, “This man is not from God, for he does not keep the Sabbath.”

But others asked, “How can a sinner do such miraculous signs?”

Finally they turned to the blind man who had been healed and asked him what he thought? The man replied, “He is a prophet.”

***

That’s telling them!

***

The Jews still didn’t believe the man had been blind and received his sight so they talked to his parents. The parents were afraid the Jews would throw them out of the synagogue because they had threatened to do that to anyone who acknowledged that Jesus was the Christ, so they said they didn’t know how their son had been healed and to ask him.

So the Jews called the man who had been blind a second time and said, “Give glory to God. We know this man Jesus is a sinner.”

The man replied, “Whether He is a sinner or not, I don’t know. One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see.”

***

I think that guy wrote a famous song.

I’ll listen, but can I bark along?

***

The Jews asked the man again how Jesus had healed him, and the man answered, “I have told you already and you did not listen. Why do you want to hear it again? Do you want to become His disciples too?”

This made the Jews really mad and they hurled insults at him saying they were disciples of Moses and they didn’t even know where Jesus came from.

***

I know where Jesus came from. Can I go tell them?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

The man answered the Jews, “Now that is remarkable! You don’t know where He comes from, yet He opened my eyes. We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly man who does His will. Nobody has ever heard of opening the eyes a man born blind. If this man were not from God, he could do nothing.”

***

That’s telling them.

***

The Pharisees said, “How dare you lecture us!” and threw the man out.

Jesus found the man, told the man who He is and then said, “For judgment I have come into this world, so that the blind will see and those who see will become blind.”

Some Pharisees heard Jesus say this and said, “What? Are we blind too?”

Jesus said, “If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin; but now you claim you can see, your guilt remains.”

***

My eyes are shut. I can’t see a thing.

Oh, wait. This is terrible. I don’t think I can do this.

Do I have to walk around with my eyes closed until Jesus comes back?

That’s going to be a long nap.

 
12 Comments

Posted by on August 25, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Cast the First Stone

18 Aug

Painting of Jesus and the woman caught in adulteryLast week that guy in the story ended up in jail because he wouldn’t forgive someone. I guess I’d better forgive you person, for all the mischief you’ve ever done to me.

I wouldn’t want to end up in dog jail again.

But sometimes it’s really hard. Sometimes you go overboard in the mischief department.

Yes, I’ll listen to the story.

But don’t pull any mischief while you’re telling it.

***

Jesus went to Jerusalem, and at dawn he appeared in the temple courts.

***

Boy, did Jesus get up early. I bet He was the only one there.

***

All the people gathered around Jesus, and He sat down to teach them.

***

What? What people? You mean they got up that early too?

Okay, I’ll listen. As long as you don’t make me get up that early to hear the story.

***

While Jesus taught the people, the teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?”

***

They could probably do to her what they did to me. It doesn’t do me any good to mess around with girl dogs anymore.

Oh wait. Where’s the guy who was with that woman? They would have to do that to him.

I bet Jesus asked them to bring that guy in.

I am listening.

***
They were trying to trap Jesus with their question, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

***

That would have to be an awfully big trap. Most traps are only big enough to catch small animals.

***

Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with His finger. When they kept on questioning him, He straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

***

Well, person – I guess you won’t be throwing any stones.

I’m listening! I’m listening!

***

After Jesus said this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.

***

I guess Jesus told them.

***

Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

“No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

***

What do you mean, Jesus wants all of us to leave our life of sin?

I don’t sin.

Mischief doesn’t count.

Except for your mischief, that is.

 
10 Comments

Posted by on August 18, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Seventy Times Seven

11 Aug

Forgiveness wordsI hope this week’s Bible story isn’t as confusing as the last one. I wasn’t sure if you were talking about sheep or puppies.

I’m listening. But please don’t make it confusing.

***

Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven times.”

***

Are you serious? Does that mean I have to forgive you person, for all the times you pull mischief on me?

Of course I’m listening. I’m just trying to multiply that number. You never taught me how to do that. More mischief.

***

Then Jesus told a story. He said, “The kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.

***

That man must have been really talented.

How much is ten thousand talents?

Millions of dollars? No way! I think that king should have cut him off a long time ago.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

Since the man was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

The servant fell on his knees before him. “Be patient with me,” he begged, “and I will pay back everything.” The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go..

***

Whew! He was lucky.

***

But when the servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. “Pay back what you owe me!” he demanded.

***

I guess a hundred denarii must be way more than ten thousand talents.

What!? It’s only worth about a day’s wages? I guess that guy was pretty demanding.

***

The fellow servant, the one being choked, fell to his knees and begged him, “Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.”

But the first servant refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.

***

Well, that doesn’t make any sense. How can you pay a debt when you’re in prison?

I am listening.

***

When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.

Then the master called the servant in. “You wicked servant,” he said. “I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” In anger his master turned him over to the jailors to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

***

Serves that guy right.

***

Then Jesus said, “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”

***

Oops!

Person, I forgive you seventy times seven times for all the mischief you ever did to me.

But if you pull mischief on me again, you’d better watch out.

 
19 Comments

Posted by on August 11, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Like a Little Child

04 Aug
Puppy in the grass

Puppy in the grass (Photo credit: justmakeit)

You know that fish Peter found last week with the coin in its mouth?

I’m going to go hang out with Peter and see if he’ll share.

What? What do you mean, Peter’s busy?

***

An argument started among the disciples as to which of them would be the greatest.

***

What? The disciples argued? I thought they were perfect.

You’d think anyone that hangs out around Jesus as much as they did would have Jesus rub off on them and they wouldn’t do anything wrong.

Okay. I’ll listen.

***

Jesus knew what they were arguing about and He called a little child and had him stand among them.

Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

***

Oh. Does that mean I have to be like a puppy again in order to go to heaven?

***

Jesus also said, “And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.”

***

I would welcome a puppy. Maybe you should go out and get me a puppy, person.

I am too listening.

***

“But,” Jesus said, “if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.”

***

Does teaching a puppy how to do mischief cause that puppy to sin?

On second thought, maybe we shouldn’t get a puppy. I like swimming, but not if I have a weight around my neck that makes me sink to the bottom.

I’m not sure I want to listen anymore.

Okay, I guess I’ll listen. Are you almost done?

***

Jesus told a story to show how much He cared about the little ones.

He said, “If a man owns a hundred sheep,…

***

Sheep!? What happened to the puppy?

***

and one of the sheep wanders away, the man will leave the ninety-nine sheep on the hills and go look for the one that wandered off. And if he finds it, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off.” Jesus said, “In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.

***

Hey person, I’ll be back in awhile.

I’m going to look for that puppy. I think he got lost.

 
20 Comments

Posted by on August 4, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Fish and a Coin

28 Jul
Peter finds a coin in a fish's mouth

Image from ChristArt

What? Really?

After all this time you’re finally going to tell me another Bible story with fish in it?

Hallelujah!

Did I say that word? What does it mean?

It means Praise the Lord?

Well, hallelujah then. You’d think with all those disciples who are fishermen, that every story would have fish in it.

Okay, I’ll listen. I hope there’s a lot of fish in this story. Some for me and enough for me to share too.

***

Jesus and His disciples went back to Capernaum and the collectors of the two-drachma tax came to Peter and asked, “Doesn’t your teacher pay the temple tax?”

***

Okay, I’m confused. What’s a drachma? Is it some kind of fish?

A coin? Worth about a day’s wages?

What does that have to do with fish?

Could you buy fish with it?

I am listening.

***

Peter assured the tax collectors that Jesus does pay the tax.

When Peter came into the house Jesus spoke first. He asked Peter if he thought the kings of the earth collected taxes from their own sons, or from others.

***

If those kings collected taxes from their own sons, would that be like you making me pay taxes to you?

You’d better not do that. I’m not giving up any of my treats.

***

Peter answered, “From others.”

And Jesus said, “Then the sons are exempt.”

***

Whew! That means I don’t have to give up my treats.

Wait. That means that Jesus doesn’t have to pay tax either since He’s the Son of God and the temple is God’s house.

So Jesus can just walk away from that tax collector, and Peter with him since he’s in God’s family too.

***

Jesus said to Peter, “But so that we may not offend them, go to the lake and throw out your line.”

***

Now we’re getting somewhere.

Yes, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus told Peter to take the first fish he catches and open its mouth. He’ll find a four-drachma coin inside. Jesus said to take that coin and use it to pay both their taxes.

***

A fish and a coin!

I’m in dog heaven. Fish for dinner and money to buy treats for dessert.

 
12 Comments

Posted by on July 28, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Back Down the Mountain

21 Jul

Jesus heals boy with evil spiritI bet those disciples had a hard time coming down the mountain after Jesus turned all white in that story you told me last week.

But I guess they had to come down. There weren’t any fish on top of that mountain.

So did they get some fish when they got down from the mountain?

***

When they came down to the other disciples they saw a large crowd around them and teachers of the law arguing with them. When the people saw Jesus they ran to greet him and he asked them what they were arguing about.

***

I bet they were arguing about who had the most fish.

I am listening.

***

A man in the crowd answered Jesus. “Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid.

***

I bet he’s just upset because he didn’t get any fish for dinner.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

The man said he’d asked Jesus’ disciples to drive out the spirit from his son, but they couldn’t.

***

That man’s son must really be mad.

***

“O unbelieving generation,” Jesus said, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.”

They brought the boy to Jesus and when the evil spirit saw Jesus it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion.

***

That spirit must be really mad. I bet it wouldn’t even respond if you slapped it in the face with a big fish.

***

The boy’s father said to Jesus, “If you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”

“If you can?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.”

Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

Jesus rebuked the spirit and it came out of the boy.

***

Woo woo! Give that boy some fish! And Jesus too.

Why don’t you think I’m listening?

***

The disciples came to Jesus and asked him privately, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?”

Jesus replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

***

I think I need to work on my faith.

When my faith is strong enough I’ll be able to tell a school of fish to move from the ocean to my dinner plate.

 
18 Comments

Posted by on July 21, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Up the Mountain

14 Jul
The upper part of The Transfiguration (1520) b...

The upper part of The Transfiguration (1520) by Raphael, depicting Christ miraculously discoursing with Moses and Elijah. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What? Jesus is making his disciples climb a mountain?

I hope it wasn’t a hot day. I don’t like climbing mountains on hot days.

Oh. He only took three of his disciples? Were the other ones out of shape? I bet that mountain was too high and steep for them and they couldn’t make it.

So who did Jesus take?

I am listening to the story. I’m just trying to help you along.

***

Jesus took Peter, James, and John up the mountain with him.

And when they were alone He was transfigured before them.

***

Did He become all crippled and ugly looking?

Well, isn’t disfigured the same as transfigured?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus face shone like the sun and his clothes became as white as light.

And then Moses and Elijah appeared and they were talking with Jesus.

***

Hey, I thought this was a story about Jesus. How did Moses and Elijah get into it?

I am listening.

***

Peter, James, and John were frightened and didn’t know what to do so Peter said, “Lord, it is good for us to be here. Let us put up three shelters – one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.”

***

Do you think they could put up a shelter for me too? I bet it’s hot up there on that mountain.

***

While Peter was still speaking a cloud appeared and enveloped them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!”

***

Now I’m really in trouble. It was bad enough when you were telling me to listen, but now God is.

***

When the disciples heard this, they fell facedown to the ground, terrified.

***

Were they having trouble listening too?

***

Jesus came and touched the disciples. “Get up,” he said. “Don’t be afraid.”

The disciples looked around and saw no one except Jesus.

***

Is this like the Twilight Zone or something?

***

As Jesus and the disciples were coming back down the mountain Jesus told them not to tell anyone what they’d seen until Jesus had been raised from the dead.

The disciples weren’t sure what Jesus meant, but they didn’t tell anyone for a long time.

***

This was really a strange story. Jesus didn’t heal anybody, and He didn’t help anyone catch a bunch of fish.

Hey, maybe Moses and Elijah went to get a bunch of fish and they’ll be back with dinner.

 
16 Comments

Posted by on July 14, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Take up your Cross

07 Jul
English: Christ Handing the Keys to St. Peter ...

English: Christ Handing the Keys to St. Peter by Pietro Perugino (1481-82) Fresco, 335 x 550 cm Cappella Sistina, Vatican. Ελληνικά: Λεπτομέρεια από την νωπογραφία του Πιέτρο Περουτζίνο, Ο Χριστός Παραδίδει τα Κλειδιά στον Πέτρο, 335 x 600 cm, Καπέλα Σιξτίνα, Πόλη του Βατικανού. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, I don’t know if I like this next Bible story. Can’t you just tell another one about swimming – or fishing?

Okay, I’ll listen to the story. But if there’s no fish in it I want some treats when you’re finished.

***

Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi and he asked his disciples, “Who do people say I am?”

***

I know who he is. He’s the guy who makes lots of fish appear.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

The disciples replied to Jesus, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”

“But what about you?” Jesus asked. “Who do you say I am?”

Simon Peter answered, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”

***

God must really love us to send His Son to give us lots of fish.

I am listening, but don’t you think that was a really important observation I just made?

***

Jesus told Peter he was blessed because it was the Father in heaven who revealed to him who Jesus is, and He told His disciples not to tell anyone that He is the Christ.

Then He began to explain to His disciples that He must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, chief priests, and teachers of the law, and that He must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.

***

Wouldn’t the disciples protect Jesus?

***

Peter had that idea and he began to rebuke Jesus saying, “Never, Lord. This shall never happen to you!”

***

I bet Jesus felt better after that.

***

This is what Jesus said to Peter. “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.”

***

I bet Peter tucked his tail between his legs after that.

***

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?”

***

If I have to deny myself to follow Jesus, does that mean I have to give up treats?

 
12 Comments

Posted by on July 7, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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