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Seventy Times Seven

11 Aug

Forgiveness wordsI hope this week’s Bible story isn’t as confusing as the last one. I wasn’t sure if you were talking about sheep or puppies.

I’m listening. But please don’t make it confusing.

***

Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven times.”

***

Are you serious? Does that mean I have to forgive you person, for all the times you pull mischief on me?

Of course I’m listening. I’m just trying to multiply that number. You never taught me how to do that. More mischief.

***

Then Jesus told a story. He said, “The kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.

***

That man must have been really talented.

How much is ten thousand talents?

Millions of dollars? No way! I think that king should have cut him off a long time ago.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

Since the man was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

The servant fell on his knees before him. “Be patient with me,” he begged, “and I will pay back everything.” The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go..

***

Whew! He was lucky.

***

But when the servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. “Pay back what you owe me!” he demanded.

***

I guess a hundred denarii must be way more than ten thousand talents.

What!? It’s only worth about a day’s wages? I guess that guy was pretty demanding.

***

The fellow servant, the one being choked, fell to his knees and begged him, “Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.”

But the first servant refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.

***

Well, that doesn’t make any sense. How can you pay a debt when you’re in prison?

I am listening.

***

When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.

Then the master called the servant in. “You wicked servant,” he said. “I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” In anger his master turned him over to the jailors to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

***

Serves that guy right.

***

Then Jesus said, “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”

***

Oops!

Person, I forgive you seventy times seven times for all the mischief you ever did to me.

But if you pull mischief on me again, you’d better watch out.

 
19 Comments

Posted by on August 11, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Like a Little Child

04 Aug
Puppy in the grass

Puppy in the grass (Photo credit: justmakeit)

You know that fish Peter found last week with the coin in its mouth?

I’m going to go hang out with Peter and see if he’ll share.

What? What do you mean, Peter’s busy?

***

An argument started among the disciples as to which of them would be the greatest.

***

What? The disciples argued? I thought they were perfect.

You’d think anyone that hangs out around Jesus as much as they did would have Jesus rub off on them and they wouldn’t do anything wrong.

Okay. I’ll listen.

***

Jesus knew what they were arguing about and He called a little child and had him stand among them.

Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

***

Oh. Does that mean I have to be like a puppy again in order to go to heaven?

***

Jesus also said, “And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.”

***

I would welcome a puppy. Maybe you should go out and get me a puppy, person.

I am too listening.

***

“But,” Jesus said, “if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.”

***

Does teaching a puppy how to do mischief cause that puppy to sin?

On second thought, maybe we shouldn’t get a puppy. I like swimming, but not if I have a weight around my neck that makes me sink to the bottom.

I’m not sure I want to listen anymore.

Okay, I guess I’ll listen. Are you almost done?

***

Jesus told a story to show how much He cared about the little ones.

He said, “If a man owns a hundred sheep,…

***

Sheep!? What happened to the puppy?

***

and one of the sheep wanders away, the man will leave the ninety-nine sheep on the hills and go look for the one that wandered off. And if he finds it, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off.” Jesus said, “In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.

***

Hey person, I’ll be back in awhile.

I’m going to look for that puppy. I think he got lost.

 
20 Comments

Posted by on August 4, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Fish and a Coin

28 Jul
Peter finds a coin in a fish's mouth

Image from ChristArt

What? Really?

After all this time you’re finally going to tell me another Bible story with fish in it?

Hallelujah!

Did I say that word? What does it mean?

It means Praise the Lord?

Well, hallelujah then. You’d think with all those disciples who are fishermen, that every story would have fish in it.

Okay, I’ll listen. I hope there’s a lot of fish in this story. Some for me and enough for me to share too.

***

Jesus and His disciples went back to Capernaum and the collectors of the two-drachma tax came to Peter and asked, “Doesn’t your teacher pay the temple tax?”

***

Okay, I’m confused. What’s a drachma? Is it some kind of fish?

A coin? Worth about a day’s wages?

What does that have to do with fish?

Could you buy fish with it?

I am listening.

***

Peter assured the tax collectors that Jesus does pay the tax.

When Peter came into the house Jesus spoke first. He asked Peter if he thought the kings of the earth collected taxes from their own sons, or from others.

***

If those kings collected taxes from their own sons, would that be like you making me pay taxes to you?

You’d better not do that. I’m not giving up any of my treats.

***

Peter answered, “From others.”

And Jesus said, “Then the sons are exempt.”

***

Whew! That means I don’t have to give up my treats.

Wait. That means that Jesus doesn’t have to pay tax either since He’s the Son of God and the temple is God’s house.

So Jesus can just walk away from that tax collector, and Peter with him since he’s in God’s family too.

***

Jesus said to Peter, “But so that we may not offend them, go to the lake and throw out your line.”

***

Now we’re getting somewhere.

Yes, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus told Peter to take the first fish he catches and open its mouth. He’ll find a four-drachma coin inside. Jesus said to take that coin and use it to pay both their taxes.

***

A fish and a coin!

I’m in dog heaven. Fish for dinner and money to buy treats for dessert.

 
12 Comments

Posted by on July 28, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Back Down the Mountain

21 Jul

Jesus heals boy with evil spiritI bet those disciples had a hard time coming down the mountain after Jesus turned all white in that story you told me last week.

But I guess they had to come down. There weren’t any fish on top of that mountain.

So did they get some fish when they got down from the mountain?

***

When they came down to the other disciples they saw a large crowd around them and teachers of the law arguing with them. When the people saw Jesus they ran to greet him and he asked them what they were arguing about.

***

I bet they were arguing about who had the most fish.

I am listening.

***

A man in the crowd answered Jesus. “Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid.

***

I bet he’s just upset because he didn’t get any fish for dinner.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

The man said he’d asked Jesus’ disciples to drive out the spirit from his son, but they couldn’t.

***

That man’s son must really be mad.

***

“O unbelieving generation,” Jesus said, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.”

They brought the boy to Jesus and when the evil spirit saw Jesus it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion.

***

That spirit must be really mad. I bet it wouldn’t even respond if you slapped it in the face with a big fish.

***

The boy’s father said to Jesus, “If you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”

“If you can?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.”

Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

Jesus rebuked the spirit and it came out of the boy.

***

Woo woo! Give that boy some fish! And Jesus too.

Why don’t you think I’m listening?

***

The disciples came to Jesus and asked him privately, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?”

Jesus replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

***

I think I need to work on my faith.

When my faith is strong enough I’ll be able to tell a school of fish to move from the ocean to my dinner plate.

 
18 Comments

Posted by on July 21, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Up the Mountain

14 Jul
The upper part of The Transfiguration (1520) b...

The upper part of The Transfiguration (1520) by Raphael, depicting Christ miraculously discoursing with Moses and Elijah. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What? Jesus is making his disciples climb a mountain?

I hope it wasn’t a hot day. I don’t like climbing mountains on hot days.

Oh. He only took three of his disciples? Were the other ones out of shape? I bet that mountain was too high and steep for them and they couldn’t make it.

So who did Jesus take?

I am listening to the story. I’m just trying to help you along.

***

Jesus took Peter, James, and John up the mountain with him.

And when they were alone He was transfigured before them.

***

Did He become all crippled and ugly looking?

Well, isn’t disfigured the same as transfigured?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus face shone like the sun and his clothes became as white as light.

And then Moses and Elijah appeared and they were talking with Jesus.

***

Hey, I thought this was a story about Jesus. How did Moses and Elijah get into it?

I am listening.

***

Peter, James, and John were frightened and didn’t know what to do so Peter said, “Lord, it is good for us to be here. Let us put up three shelters – one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.”

***

Do you think they could put up a shelter for me too? I bet it’s hot up there on that mountain.

***

While Peter was still speaking a cloud appeared and enveloped them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!”

***

Now I’m really in trouble. It was bad enough when you were telling me to listen, but now God is.

***

When the disciples heard this, they fell facedown to the ground, terrified.

***

Were they having trouble listening too?

***

Jesus came and touched the disciples. “Get up,” he said. “Don’t be afraid.”

The disciples looked around and saw no one except Jesus.

***

Is this like the Twilight Zone or something?

***

As Jesus and the disciples were coming back down the mountain Jesus told them not to tell anyone what they’d seen until Jesus had been raised from the dead.

The disciples weren’t sure what Jesus meant, but they didn’t tell anyone for a long time.

***

This was really a strange story. Jesus didn’t heal anybody, and He didn’t help anyone catch a bunch of fish.

Hey, maybe Moses and Elijah went to get a bunch of fish and they’ll be back with dinner.

 
16 Comments

Posted by on July 14, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Take up your Cross

07 Jul
English: Christ Handing the Keys to St. Peter ...

English: Christ Handing the Keys to St. Peter by Pietro Perugino (1481-82) Fresco, 335 x 550 cm Cappella Sistina, Vatican. Ελληνικά: Λεπτομέρεια από την νωπογραφία του Πιέτρο Περουτζίνο, Ο Χριστός Παραδίδει τα Κλειδιά στον Πέτρο, 335 x 600 cm, Καπέλα Σιξτίνα, Πόλη του Βατικανού. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, I don’t know if I like this next Bible story. Can’t you just tell another one about swimming – or fishing?

Okay, I’ll listen to the story. But if there’s no fish in it I want some treats when you’re finished.

***

Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi and he asked his disciples, “Who do people say I am?”

***

I know who he is. He’s the guy who makes lots of fish appear.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

The disciples replied to Jesus, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”

“But what about you?” Jesus asked. “Who do you say I am?”

Simon Peter answered, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”

***

God must really love us to send His Son to give us lots of fish.

I am listening, but don’t you think that was a really important observation I just made?

***

Jesus told Peter he was blessed because it was the Father in heaven who revealed to him who Jesus is, and He told His disciples not to tell anyone that He is the Christ.

Then He began to explain to His disciples that He must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, chief priests, and teachers of the law, and that He must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.

***

Wouldn’t the disciples protect Jesus?

***

Peter had that idea and he began to rebuke Jesus saying, “Never, Lord. This shall never happen to you!”

***

I bet Jesus felt better after that.

***

This is what Jesus said to Peter. “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.”

***

I bet Peter tucked his tail between his legs after that.

***

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?”

***

If I have to deny myself to follow Jesus, does that mean I have to give up treats?

 
12 Comments

Posted by on July 7, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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A Sinking Feeling

30 Jun
Ivan Aivazovsky's painting Walking on Water (1888)

Ivan Aivazovsky’s painting Walking on Water (1888) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Can we go back to last week’s Bible story, person? The one where Jesus fed all those people and they had lots of leftovers for me?

What? You’re going to tell me a different story? Well, there’d better be food in it then.

***

After Jesus fed all the people…

***

And I ate the leftovers.

I am listening.

***

Jesus urged his disciples to get into the boat and head across the lake for Capernaum while He dismissed the crowd.

After the crowd left, Jesus went up on a mountain to pray and when evening came he was there alone.

***

I wonder if Jesus would like me to come and give him some loves.

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

The boat the disciples were in was already way out on the lake and it was being tossed around on the waves because the wind was against it.

***

I hope those disciples didn’t get sea sick.

***

In the middle of the night Jesus took a walk on the lake and headed for the disciples. When the disciples saw Jesus they thought He was a ghost and they were terrified.

But Jesus told them it was Him and said not to be afraid.

***

I wouldn’t be afraid. I’d jump into the water with Jesus.

I wonder if he has any sticks for me to fetch.

Yes, I’m listening.

***

Peter said, “Lord, if it’s you tell me to come to you on the water.

Jesus said, “Come.”

Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus.

***

Did Peter jump right in with a big splash. That’s what I would do.

***

When Peter saw the wind he was afraid and began to sink. He cried out to Jesus, “Lord, save me!”

***

Why doesn’t Peter just do the dog paddle?

***

Immediately Jesus reached out His hand and caught Peter. And Jesus said to Peter, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”

When Jesus and Peter climbed into the boat the wind died down. Those who were in the boat worshiped Jesus and said, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

***

I sure hope that when Peter started sinking he felt some fish swimming around his feet and grabbed them. All this walking on water is making me hungry.

 
18 Comments

Posted by on June 30, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Two Fish and Five Loaves

23 Jun
English: Jesus feeding a crowd with 5 loaves o...

English: Jesus feeding a crowd with 5 loaves of bread and two fish (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Alright! Coming up is one of my favorite stories about Jesus.

It’s a food story, and for those of you who know me, you know that food is one of my favorite things.

Okay person, I’m listening. Bring on the food!

***

People were coming and going so much that Jesus and his disciples didn’t have a chance to eat…

***

Wait a minute! I thought this was a story about food. Not a story about no food.

I’ll listen. But it’s hard to have patience when you’re hungry.

***

So Jesus took the disciples and they went away to a quiet place by boat.

But many people saw them leaving and they ran ahead, so that when Jesus landed on shore he saw a large crowd.

Jesus had compassion on the people and He healed their sick and began teaching them many things.

***

So where’s the food?

I’m running out of patience.

***

Late in the day the disciples came to Jesus and said, “Send the people away so they can go to the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat.”

***

You mean there wasn’t any food there?

I am listening.

***

But Jesus said to the disciples, “You give them something to eat.”

“What?” the disciples said. “It would take eight months wages to feed all these people. How are we going to do that?”

Jesus said, “How many loaves do you have? Go and see.”

They found a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish.

***

Fish? Did you say fish? There’s not enough fish for all those people. You’d better give the fish to me.

I am settled down. Do I get the fish now?

***

Jesus directed the people to sit down in groups on the grass.

Jesus took the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves.

He gave them to the disciples to give to the people.

***

Here I am. I’m sitting in a group of my own. Bring on the fish!

***

When the food was distributed to the people and they had eaten everything they wanted, the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces of bread and fish.

The number of people who had eaten was about five thousand men, plus the women and children.

***

What are they going to do with those leftovers? They shouldn’t let them go to waste.

Hey Jesus! Over here! I’ll take care of those leftovers for you.

 
14 Comments

Posted by on June 23, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Sending Them Off

16 Jun
Jesus Discourses with His Disciples

Jesus Discourses with His Disciples (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What? Jesus is sending His disciples away? You’d think after they were mean to him in his own hometown of Nazareth that He’d want to keep his disciples close by for support.

What do you mean, you want me to listen to a story? Jesus is all alone now. Where’s the story?

What do you mean, Jesus is never alone?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus called his twelve disciples to Him and He gave them power and authority to drive out demons and to cure diseases, and He sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick.

***

You mean now the disciples could do all that miracle stuff that Jesus did?

You mean they can get me some fish?

But what would they need Jesus for if they could do it themselves?

They needed His authority? I don’t get it.

I’m listening.

***

Jesus told the disciples to take nothing for the journey – no bag, no bread, no money, and no extra tunic.

***

How are they going to eat? I’m getting hungry thinking about it.

I don’t need that stuff they’re leaving behind because you feed me, but what about them? You’re not going to feed them too, are you?

I am listening.

***

Jesus told the disciples that the worker is worth his keep. When they entered a town or village they were to find a worthy person and stay at his house until they left that place.

***

Now I get it. They would go heal people and preach about God so someone would feed them because they were doing that.

But what happens if they can’t find anyone to do that? Would they be like stray dogs then?

***

Jesus said that if the people didn’t welcome them they were to shake the dust off their feet when they left as a testimony against them.

***

Shake the dust off their feet? Is that kind of like when I kick up dust to cover my business?

 
15 Comments

Posted by on June 16, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Drowning Pigs

26 May

Drawing of pink pigs jumping off a cliffAfter Jesus calmed that storm and they let some fish jump into their boat and had a fish feast…

What do you mean, I’m making that part up?

I know it doesn’t say anything in that part of the Bible about anybody eating fish, but you know they must have.

You can believe what you want. I prefer to believe that they ate fish – and invited me to the feast.

***

After Jesus calmed the storm they sailed to the other side of the Sea of Galilee, to the region of the Gerasenes.

And this dude came out to meet Jesus.

***

Didn’t lots of people come out to meet Jesus?

Okay, I’ll listen.

***

This dude had an evil spirit and lived in the tombs. He had often been chained hand and foot but he broke the chains and no one was strong enough to subdue him. He would cry out night and day and cut himself with stones.

***

Wow, that’s some scary dude. If I was Jesus I’d run back to the boat and head back home.

He stayed there? Did he have his tail between his legs?

I am listening.

***

The man ran to Jesus and fell on his knees in front of him. He shouted at the top of his voice, “What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I beg you, don’t torture me!” For Jesus had commanded the evil spirit to come out of the man.

Jesus asked the man his name and the man said Legion, because many demons had gone into him.

***

That would be pretty squishy for all those demons to fit inside one man. I wonder how they got along with each other.

I’m listening, but I’ve got to make comments sometimes.

***

The demons begged Jesus not to send them into the Abyss. There was a large herd of pigs feeding on the hillside and the demons begged Jesus to let them go into the pigs. Jesus let them, and as soon as they went into the pigs, they rushed down the steep bank into the lake and were drowned.

***

What a waste of a lot of good bacon.

I can swim. Could I go retrieve some pigs?

Yes, I’ll listen.

***

The people tending the pigs ran off to report what had happened and people came to see what was going on. When the people came to meet Jesus they found the man who had been possessed by demons sitting there, dressed and in his right mind.

The people asked Jesus to leave because they were afraid.

The man Jesus had cured begged to go with him, but Jesus told him to return home and tell how much God had done for him. So that’s what the man did, and all the people were amazed.

***

You’re not done with the story are you?

What about those pigs?

 
13 Comments

Posted by on May 26, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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