RSS

Category Archives: Dogology

Who’s Talking?

What kind of day is it today, person? What’s a Palm Sunday? Is that when you give me loves all day with the palm of your hand?

Well, what is it then?

He did? Jesus rode on a donkey? Hey, there’s an animal in this story. I think I’m going to like it. Does this donkey talk like Balaam’s donkey?

Okay, I’ll listen.

My person says Jesus came riding into Jerusalem on a donkey and the people were happy to see him because of the miracles he had done. They spread their cloaks and branches on the road before Jesus and they took palm branches and went out to meet him.

Oh, now I get it. That’s why it’s called Palm Sunday because of the palm branches. What’s a palm branch, person? I don’t think I’ve seen one of those.

Why do they grow in Phoenix, but not here? Can we go to Phoenix so I can see palm branches?

Okay, I’m listening.

When Jesus and the donkey came by the people shouted, “Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!”

Some of the Pharisees (the guys who didn’t like Jesus because he gave them what for) told Jesus to tell his disciples to be quiet. You know what Jesus said? He said, “If they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”

You mean the donkey doesn’t talk, but the stones do?

23 Comments

Posted by Bongo on April 1, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Balaam, Hosanna, Jerusalem, Jesus, Lord, palm branch, Palm Sunday, Pets, Pharisees

Why Did They Want to Kill Him?

25 Mar

What are you telling me, person? You mean that little baby you told me about last Christmas – the one who was born where all the animals were – grew up to be a man and then people wanted to kill him? Why would they want to do that?

Yeah, Jesus. That’s who I’m talking about. Why would they want to kill him?

He did? He performed miracles and healed lots of people? Is that why they wanted to kill him? I don’t get it.

Did Jesus heal animals too?

He taught people about God and the Kingdom of Heaven? Didn’t they like God? Is that why they wanted to kill him?

He told people to do things like love their enemies? Okay, now I get it. They must have thought he was nuts. He tried to take away the fun of giving someone what for.

What, that wasn’t it either? Then what?

People followed him instead of the religious leaders? And Jesus told the religious leaders they were hypocrites that were leading people away from God? Oh, now I get it. I think.

So the religious leader got jealous of Jesus? And mad at him?

He did? He told people he is the Son of God? Why would he say that if he knew it would upset people? He could have just kept quiet and no one would have bothered him.

But person, that doesn’t make sense at all. You mean he came and was born so he could die on a cross? I don’t get it. Couldn’t he have asked God to rescue him?

He could? Then why didn’t he? Did he at least give all those religious leaders what for?

No way! He asked God to forgive them? I really don’t get it now.

He died on that cross because he loves us? I love you person, but I don’t want to die on a cross.

He had to take all the sins on himself so everybody could be with God? Didn’t God like Jesus?

He loves people too, so He was willing to sacrifice His only Son for all the people? And he saved the lives of animals too because they didn’t have to be sacrificed anymore? That’s cool. That means He loves animals too.

But I still don’t get it.

I have to hear the rest of the story and that happens on Easter?

Oh, Easter. That’s the day I get to steal the candy out of the plastic eggs.

28 Comments

Posted by Bongo on March 25, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Christianity, Easter, faith, God, Jesus, Pets, Son of God

Save the Donkey

18 Mar

A donkey did what? No way!

Okay person, I’ll tell this story without skipping over parts. I just can’t get over that donkey. I want to talk about the donkey.

Okay, I’ll wait. My person says when the Israelites were following Moses, the King of Moab became afraid of them. He thought they were going to wipe out his country. So he sent messengers to a diviner named Balaam to come and put a curse on them. But God told Balaam not to put a curse on the Israelites because they were blessed. Am I blessed person? I think I should be blessed too.

Okay, I’ll go back to the story. So Balaam said he couldn’t go with those messengers.

Those messengers went back to the king and told him Balaam wouldn’t come, so what did that king do? He sent even more messengers and told Balaam he would reward him handsomely. This time God told him to go, but to only do what He told him to do.

Hey person. Do you think Balaam wanted the money more than he wanted to do what God said? Because I think God knew Balaam was up to something. Was he up to no good?

Because God sent an angel to block his way. And the angel had his sword drawn.

Well, Balaam couldn’t see the angel but his donkey could. His donkey turned off the road and Balaam beat her. That poor donkey. All she was trying to do was save Balaam.

After that the angel of the Lord stood in a narrow path. The donkey pressed close to a wall and crushed Balaam’s foot. So he beat her again. I think I’m going to give Balaam what for.

Then that angel moved to a place where there was no way around so that donkey laid down under Balaam. And Balaam beat her with his staff.

Then God made the donkey so she could talk. This is so cool! That donkey asked Balaam why he was beating her.

Balaam actually answered his donkey and said if he’d had a sword he would kill her for making a fool of him.

The donkey asked the mean old Balaam if she hadn’t been a good donkey that didn’t normally act this way.

Balaam agreed this was not the way the donkey normally acted, and then the Lord let him see the angel. That angel gave Balaam what for and told him if his donkey hadn’t saved him he would have killed Balaam, but not the donkey.

I think Balaam got off lucky. That donkey and angel should have given him a really good talking to and then given him what for some more.

Hey person, if I let you ride on me do you think an angel would show up and teach me to talk?

22 Comments

Posted by Bongo on March 18, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Angel of the Lord, Balaam, Bible, dogs, Donkey, faith, God, Israelites, Pets

Sneaking Up

11 Mar

You mean that mean old King Saul went after David again?

I don’t believe it. King Saul went after David with 3000 men and David only had 600 men? I sure hope David had some dogs to help him out too. My dog buddies would give King Saul what for.

What do you mean, that’s not part of the story? I think dogs should be in the story.

Okay person, I’ll try to tell the story right.

David found out where King Saul had camped and he went there and saw where Saul and Abner, the commander of the army, had lain down. Saul was inside the camp with his army around him, and he had stuck his spear in the ground near his head.

Well, David took another man named Abishai with him and they snuck up on King Saul while everyone was sleeping. I sure would have liked to sneak up on King Saul too.

I could be quiet enough. I could. What if someone woke up while David was sneaking in?

See? If the Lord put everyone in a deep sleep they wouldn’t wake up for me either.

Okay, I’ll go back to the story.

Abishai wanted to kill King Saul with his spear but David wouldn’t let him because King Saul was the Lord’s anointed. So what did David do? He took King Saul’s spear and water jug and they left.

Come on David, you’ve got to stir up more mischief than that. That would hardly count for a Monday Mischief Blog Hop.

So David did what next? He did?

David went up on a hill a ways away and yelled at King Saul and Abner and told them what he’d done.

Is that it, person? When is God going to give King Saul what for?

Really? My person says that eventually King Saul died in battle and David got to be king, but David still kept having adventures after that.

I wish I could be David’s dog. I like having adventures.

No person, I’m happy being your dog, but your adventures are mild compared to David’s. After all, I am Super Dog.

22 Comments

Posted by Bongo on March 11, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Abishai, Abner, Bible, David, dogs, faith, God, King Saul, Lord, Pets

No Missing Sheep

04 Mar

Hey person, when are you going to tell me the story about those other sheep that David met?

Really? You’re finally going to tell me? So what happened to David’s sheep?

Okay, I’ll listen.

My person says King Saul kept chasing David, so David couldn’t go back home and see his sheep. But he went to a place where there were some other sheep. The sheep belonged to a rich man named Nabal who owned a thousand goats and three thousand sheep.

While David and his men were at this place they kept watch over the shepherds and the sheep and made sure nothing of theirs was missing. Don’t forget the sheep dogs, person. I’m sure they watched the sheep dogs too.

Okay person, I’ll listen. Just don’t forget the sheep dogs next time.

David heard that Nabal was shearing sheep. This was always a festive time and since David and his men had helped Nabal’s shepherds, David sent ten of his men to Nabal to greet and bless him and ask for anything he could spare.

Did Nabal give David a sheep so he wouldn’t miss his own sheep so much? Maybe a sheep dog too?

He was? He did what? Listen to this. My person says Nabal was a mean man and not only did he not give David’s men anything – he insulted David as well. I’d give him what for, person.

All right! My person says that’s exactly what David intended to do. He told his men to put on their swords and go after Nabal and his men. About four hundred men went with David and he left two hundred men with the supplies.

What happened next, person? Did they get him?

No way! My person says that even though Nabal was a mean man he had a wife named Abigail who was beautiful and intelligent. One of the servants told her what had happened and she quickly loaded up a bunch of food onto donkeys and headed out to meet David. When she found him she talked him out of going after Nabal and asked David to leave everything up to the Lord, and David praised the Lord for stopping him from doing what he had planned to do.

When Abigail returned home that mean old Nabal was having a party and had gotten drunk so she waited until the next morning to tell him what had happened. When she told him his heart failed and he became like a stone. About ten days later the Lord struck him and he died. Serves him right.

When David heard that Nabal had died he praised the Lord for doing that and keeping him from doing it himself. Then, you know what David did? He asked Abigail to marry him. And she did.

Hey person, you know sometimes when I get mad at someone and I want to give them what for? Well, even if God gives them what for, I still want to give them what for too.

26 Comments

Posted by Bongo on March 4, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Abigail, Bible, David, dogs, faith, Lord, Nabal, Pets, Saul, Sheep

Hidden in a Cave

26 Feb

Person, what do you mean you’re not going to tell me the story of those other sheep? You promised.

Well, I figured you meant you’d tell me that story next. I don’t want to wait.

Okay, I’ll listen. But this better be good.

My person says that after David escaped from King Saul, King Saul chased him around the countryside because he still wanted to kill him. For a time David hid in the cave of Adullam and his family and lots of men joined him there. The men that joined him did not have the best of character. They were the distressed, indebted, and the discontent. Person, I’m not sure what all those words mean.

Okay, I’ll listen.

My person says that David became the leader of all those men that have words with D in them. He even straightened some of them out.

How did he do that, person?

He what? He did? My person says that one of the things David did was to set a good example for the men. I set good examples. I could straighten out those men.

One of the times that King Saul was chasing David he went into a cave to relieve himself. This was not any cave. It happened to be the cave that David and his men were in. They were far back in it so King Saul didn’t see them.

While King Saul was doing his business, David crept up on him and…

He didn’t kill him? But any normal person would kill someone who was out to kill them. After all, it’s self defense.

Do you believe it? David didn’t kill King Saul. Instead he cut off the corner of his robe. Then he felt guilty for even doing that, because King Saul was the Lord’s anointed.

So David went out of the cave and told King Saul what he had done. He said he’d done nothing against King Saul and wouldn’t. David gave it to the Lord to avenge the wrongs King Saul had done to him.

Person, I think the Lord is more powerful than David. I wouldn’t want Him after me. So what happened to King Saul? Something really nasty?

What do you mean, that’s another story? I would think he’d get struck down right there.

He did? King Saul left? But he went after David again later?

I don’t get it. I think I’ll gather up my dog buddies and go after King Saul right now. See you later.

Jealousy Can Be Deadly (bongodogblog.com)
A Sling and a Stone (bongodogblog.com)
Harp Service (bongodogblog.com)

28 Comments

Posted by Bongo on February 26, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: David, faith, God, Israel, King Saul, Pets

Jealousy Can Be Deadly

19 Feb

Hey person, you know that David guy? The one who killed that giant named Goliath?

Yeah, him. Whatever happened to his sheep – and his sheep dogs?

What? He didn’t? Other people had to take care of them? Why? Won’t David miss them?

My person says that after David killed Goliath he became a big hero and all the Israelites loved him. King Saul kept David in his service and didn’t let him go home any more to his family and his sheep – and sheep dogs.

But then something happened. After that battle with the Philistines all the people praised King Saul, but they praised David even more.

And King Saul got really jealous.

King Saul got so jealous that while David was playing the harp for him he threw a spear at him and tried to pin David to the wall.

He what!? He threw that spear at David twice? I hope David was okay.

My person says that David got away from King Saul and then King Saul was afraid of David because he knew the Lord was with him. So you know what that mean old King Saul did? He sent David out to battle, hoping that David would get killed.

David didn’t get killed, did he person? What would his sheep do without him?

He was? Oh that’s good. My person says David was very successful in battle because the Lord was with him, and he became even more of a hero in Israel.

So then what happened?

No way. You know what happened next? That mean old King Saul threw another spear at David while he was playing the harp. David had had enough by this point and he knew King Saul meant business, so that night he escaped.

What happened next person? Oh, come on. Tell me more.

I don’t believe it. My person won’t tell me any more. She says King Saul chased after David and David had lots and lots of adventures.

What kind of adventures person? Did David’s sheep have adventures too?

Really? David’s sheep didn’t have any adventures, but some other sheep did?

Come on person, I think you’re pulling the wool over my eyes.

A Sling and a Stone (bongodogblog.com)
Harp Service (bongodogblog.com)

36 Comments

Posted by Bongo on February 19, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, David, dogs, faith, Israel, King Saul, Pets, Sheep

A Sling and a Stone

12 Feb

Another story about David? And this one’s a really big adventure? What I want to know is what happened to David’s sheep – and his sheep dogs?

He did? My person says that when David went to play the harp for King Saul he missed his sheep so he would go home to be with them sometimes. Well, one time when David was hanging out with his sheep Saul and the Israelite army ended up having a big standoff with the Philistine army.

I asked my person why the Israelites didn’t get their air force to come help them and she said that wasn’t possible. I’m not sure why.

My person said that David’s three oldest brothers had followed King Saul to the war. Jesse, David’s father, told David to take some food to his brothers and find out how they were doing.

David had to leave his sheep and his sheep dogs again, but he obeyed his father and went to see his brothers. When he got there he saw a Philistine named Goliath who was challenging the Israelites to send one man to fight with him. Goliath was a giant – over nine feet tall – and the Israelites were afraid of him.

King Saul learned that David was asking about Goliath and sent for him. David told King Saul that he would fight Goliath and King Saul told David he was just a boy and didn’t stand a chance.

David said he had killed both a bear and a lion while defending his sheep – Wow, David. You rock! – yeah, I’m listening person. David said the Lord who had protected him from the lion and the bear would also protect him against Goliath.

King Saul gave David his armor to wear in the fight, but David said it would just get in the way because he wasn’t used to it. He chose five smooth stones from the stream and his sling instead. Are you sure David? You don’t want to turn your sheep and sheep dogs into orphans.

When Goliath saw David approaching he was insulted that the Israelites would send a boy to fight him. He cursed David and told him he was a goner.

David told Goliath he had come against him in the name of the Lord Almighty and the Lord was much stronger than Goliath’s sword, and spear, and javelin.

David reached into his bag, took out a stone, and slung it at Goliath. The stone struck Goliath in the forehead and sank in. Goliath fell face down on the ground and the Philistine army ran.

Hey person, I’m going to go out and collect some stones. No, I won’t hurt anybody with them. I’m collecting them for David’s sheep dogs. They’ve got lions and bears around and David isn’t there.

42 Comments

Posted by Bongo on February 12, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, David, dogs, faith, Goliath, King Saul, Pets, Sheep

Harp Service

05 Feb

Hey person, whatever happened to that guy who hung out with the sheep? The one with the sheep dogs that was anointed king.

Yeah, that’s him – David. So what happened to him?

Yeah, I want another Bible story. But only if it’s about that cool guy who likes sheep and dogs.

He what, person? He went into the king’s service? But wasn’t he the king now?

Oh, I get it. I think. He was anointed king, but he didn’t get to be the king. Was he just playing a game, like cops and robbers or something?

My person says Saul was still the king but the Spirit of the Lord had left him and an evil spirit started tormenting him. Saul’s servants thought that if he found someone to play the harp for him it would make him feel better.

You know what? That David guy not only hangs out with sheep, it turns out he plays the harp too, and one of King Saul’s servants knew about David.

I hope that servant didn’t tell King Saul that David was supposed to be the king.

My person says it would still be a long time before David got to be king, but in the meantime he had to leave his sheep and sheep dogs and go play his harp for King Saul.

He did? You mean he still got to take some animals with him?

David got to take a donkey loaded with bread – at least that donkey didn’t get hungry – and a skin of wine. Oh no, you’d better watch it donkey. You could get in trouble with that wine.

David also took a young goat with him. I hope that goat is as nice as the sheep.

Whenever that evil spirit tormented King Saul, David would play his harp for him and King Saul would feel better.

I wonder if David sang any songs about dogs.

Hanging with Sheep (bongodogblog.wordpress.com)

28 Comments

Posted by Bongo on February 5, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, David, dogs, faith, King Saul, Pets

Walk or Swim?

29 Jan

What!? No animals and no food in this story? I don’t want to listen then. I’m outta here.

Water? Did you say water? A big lake? One that I can go swimming in? I like swimming. Okay, I’ll listen. But this better be good.

This one happened right after last week’s story huh? Right after Jesus fed all those people. I’m getting hungry now. You’re making me hungry thinking about those fish.

Okay, I’m listening.

My person says that after Jesus fed all those people he sent his disciples off in a boat to go to the other side of the lake they were at. Is this lake bigger than my swimming hole?

What? They’d gone three or three and a half miles and they were in the middle of the lake? I think that’s bigger person. Is that bigger?

Okay, I’m really listening this time.

My person said Jesus had gone up on a mountainside to be by himself and pray, and then in the early hours of the morning – somewhere between 3:00 and 6:00 AM – he decided to go meet up with the disciples.

Did the disciples leave Jesus a boat?

They didn’t? He’s going to swim all that way? I could swim with him. That would be fun. Do you think he’d throw some sticks for me to fetch?

No way! How’s he going to do that? Walk on the water!? And it was windy with lots of waves? I’ve got to see this.

My person says Jesus walked all that way on the water and when he got to the boat the disciples thought he was a ghost and they were scared. I’m not afraid of ghosts. After all, I’ve made friends with Ghost Dog.

Well, Jesus told the disciples not to be afraid – that it was him and not a ghost. Once the disciple Peter realized it was Jesus he wanted to go out walking on the water too, so Jesus told him to come on out.

I’d like to go out in that water too.

So Peter got out of the boat and I followed him. I just wanted to swim but Peter started walking on the water. Wow! I didn’t know Peter could do that.

I guess Peter didn’t know he could do that either, because when he saw how windy it was he got scared and started sinking. Peter cried out for Jesus to save him. Jesus reached out his hand and caught Peter and told him he didn’t have enough faith.

Jesus and Peter climbed into the boat, but they had to reach down and pull me in. I didn’t know it was so hard to get into a boat from the water. Okay person, I know I wasn’t really there, but it’s fun to pretend.

After Peter and Jesus got into the boat – and pulled me in – the wind died down. The disciples in the boat worshipped Jesus and said that truly he was the Son of God.

Now that there’s no wind, can we go back in the water again? Maybe James and John would like to come with us too. And how about Ghost Dog? I bet he’d like to go swimming.

Image courtesy karenswhimsy

24 Comments

Posted by Bongo on January 29, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Boat, Disciple (Christianity), dogs, Jesus, Peter, Pets