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Meat or Vegetables?

Daniel refusing the King’s Food (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My person told me about someone in the Bible that I haven’t heard of before, but what he did doesn’t make sense to me. I think he’s crazy.

Person, I wouldn’t have done what Daniel did. It makes it hard to tell the story.

Okay, I’ll tell it the way you said it happened.

Daniel lived in Jerusalem at a time when Nebuchadnezzar, the king of Babylon came and besieged it. Hey person, what does besieged mean? I be seeing it? Did King Nebuchadnezzar come to see Jerusalem?

Okay, I’ll just tell the story.

King Nebuchadnezzar ordered the chief of his court officials to bring some Israelites from the royal family and the nobility back to Babylon with him. He was supposed to pick young men who were smart and handsome. Some of those he picked were Daniel and three of his friends.

They had to what? My person says they had to walk over 500 miles to get to Babylon. I like walks but I don’t think I’d want to walk that far. Why didn’t they just get in a car, person?

Okay, I’ll tell the story. This is the part I don’t get. The king offered Daniel and his friends all kinds of good stuff to eat. Lots of meat and stuff. Mmmm. Yummy!

And you know what Daniel did? He turned it down. Now that just doesn’t make sense to me.

My person says Daniel probably didn’t want the king’s food because some of it had been offered to idols, and it hadn’t been prepared the way God told the Israelites to prepare their food.

Daniel asked the chief official if he and his friends could have permission not to eat that food, but the chief official said he was afraid of the king, and the king had assigned the food to them. So Daniel made a deal with the chief official. He asked for him and his friends to be given nothing but vegetables and water for ten days, and then to compare their appearance with that of the young men who ate the royal food.

And this is the really sad part. At the end of ten days Daniel and his friends looked healthier and better nourished than the other young men, so they were allowed to honor God by eating vegetables instead of that really good food.

Person, I don’t like this story at all. I think you’re trying to turn everyone into vegetarians. No way am I giving up all the yummy stuff.

30 Comments

Posted by Bongo on May 13, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Babylon, Bible, Christianity, Daniel, dogs, faith, God, Israelite, King Nebuchadnezzar, Pets

Prison Song

06 May

Paul and Silas with the Jailer – Artist Unknown

Hey person, whatever happened to that Saul guy? You know, the one that Jesus struck blind on the road to Damascus?

Who’s Paul? I’m talking about Saul.

What? They’re the same person? Now I’m confused. How come he has two names?

So most people called him Paul after he met Jesus? Was that because he was like a different person? So what happened to him after that?

He got to go on road trips? I want to go on a road trip. You haven’t taken me anywhere in a long time. Except on my trails, that is.

Where did he go on those road trips? Did he have a really cool car? Maybe he had a 4Runner like ours.

They what!? They didn’t have any cars then? They had to walk everywhere? What’s wrong with them? I don’t want to go on that kind of road trip. So where’d he walk to?

Why would he do that? He walked to different cities to tell people about Jesus and start churches? And it took days to get to some of those places? Boy, he was dedicated. I’m sure glad I don’t have to walk all those places.

Okay, I’m listening.

My person says one of the places Paul went was called Philippi. He and his friends met a slave girl who had a spirit in her that could predict the future. She was making lots of money for her owners, but she kept following Paul and his friends around and bothering them. Finally, in the name of Jesus, Paul commanded that spirit to come out of the girl.

I hope Paul gave that spirit what for when it came out of the girl.

Okay person, I’m listening.

The owners were really mad because now they couldn’t make any money off that girl, so they dragged Paul and his friend Silas to the authorities where they were beaten and put in prison.

Ouch! I bet Paul and Silas were pretty upset.

They what? They prayed and sang hymns? In the prison? At midnight? I don’t get it person. I would be howling.

My person says there was a big earthquake when Paul and Silas were singing and all the prison doors flew open. The jailer thought all the prisoners had escaped and was about to kill himself because he would be executed for letting the prisoners go.

Wow, I wouldn’t want his job.

Paul told the jailer not to kill himself because all the prisoners were still there. Then the jailer asked Paul and Silas what he must do to be saved.

Person, what does he need to be saved from. Was there going to be another earthquake?

I am listening.

Paul and Silas told the jailer, “Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved.”

They told the jailer and his household about Jesus. Then the jailer washed their wounds and he and his family were baptized. He took Paul and Silas to his house and fed them and was filled with joy because he and his family had come to believe in God.

Hey person, if I tell someone about God will I get a midnight meal too?

19 Comments

Posted by Bongo on May 6, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Cats and Dogs, Christianity, faith, Jesus, Paul, Pets, Philippi, Silas

Jump the Fence

29 Apr

The Liberation of St Peter. Museo Nazionale di Capodimonte, Naples. Regarded as Battistello’s masterpiece, it vividly captures the emotion of the scene as Peter is led from prison by an angel. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I don’t get it person. Do you mean to tell me that Peter, that guy who tried to walk to Jesus on the water, and told Jesus he loved him, got arrested and put in prison? Why would anyone put Peter in prison? Who did it? I want to give them what for.

That mean old King Herod did it? I’m for sure going to give him what for. He’s really nasty. Didn’t he want to kill Jesus when he was a baby?

What? Now I’m totally confused. That wasn’t the same King Herod? That other King Herod was this King Herod’s grandfather? So grandson Herod was a meanie like his grandfather and put Peter in prison.

Is being in prison kind of like being locked in a tiny fenced yard with no way to jump the fence?

What? It was worse? Peter was chained between two soldiers and there were guards making sure he didn’t jump the fence?

What’s the good part? That sounds pretty bad to me.

The church offered constant prayer to God for Peter? What good will that do? Will prayer help Peter jump the fence? He’d have to drag those two guards with him. I can’t even drag you over the fence when you grab hold of me.

Well, my person says that prayer did do some good because when Peter was sleeping an angel of the Lord stood by him and a light shone in the prison. The angel woke Peter up and told him to get up quickly. And you know what? Those chains fell off Peter’s hands.

Then that angel told Peter to get dressed and follow him. Peter thought he was seeing a vision and that the angel wasn’t real, but he followed him anyway. They went past two guard posts and came to the iron gate that leads to the city. And that gate opened all by itself. I wish the gate in my yard would open by itself.

Okay person, I’ll listen.

They went down a street and the angel left. Peter finally realized that everything that had happened was real and he was free.

Hey person, if it was those prayers from the church that sent the angel to free Peter, do you think you could pray that an angel would come let me out so I can run free. I’ll come back when I’m tired. I promise.

23 Comments

Posted by Bongo on April 29, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, dogs, humor

Tags: Angel of the Lord, Bible, Christianity, faith, God, King Herod, Peter, Pets, Prayer, Prison

He’s Coming!

22 Apr

the Conversion of Saul on the road to Damascus as painted by Michelangelo. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My person says that around the time that Jesus was crucified there was a person living in Jerusalem named Saul. Saul was a Pharisee and he believed that the people who followed Jesus were going against God.

Hey person, what’s a Pharisee? Is that something like a fairy with good eye sight?

A Pharisee was a what? A religious leader? Wasn’t Jesus a religious leader? How come Saul thought Jesus’ followers were going against God?

Most of the Pharisees didn’t think Jesus was the messiah? Then they didn’t have very good eye sight at all. Maybe they should change their name to the Phariblinds.

Okay person, I’m listening.

My person said that Saul stood by and approved the stoning of Stephen, one of Jesus’ disciples, and then he wanted to go after all of Jesus’ followers in Damascus.

I hope somebody warns those disciples that Saul is coming.

They what? They were warned, but they didn’t need to be? I don’t get it.

Jesus took care of everything? He did? Did he send dogs on ahead to bark a warning?

Okay, I’m listening. Really.

When Saul was on the road to Damascus a light from heaven flashed around him and a voice said, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?”

Saul asked who it was and Jesus said it was him. Then Jesus told Saul to get up and go into the city and he would be told what he must do.

Saul got up and when he opened his eyes he couldn’t see anything. See, I told you he was a Phariblind.

The men with him had to lead him by hand into Damascus and he didn’t eat or drink anything for three days.

Then the Lord came to a disciple named Ananias in a vision and told him to go where Saul was staying and restore his sight. Ananias knew who Saul was and why he had come to Damascus, so he protested.

I guess that dog must have barked his warning to Ananias.

I am listening, person.

The Lord told Ananias that Saul was his chosen instrument so Ananias went and restored his sight, and something like scales fell off Saul’s eyes.

Does that mean Saul wasn’t a Phariblind anymore?

19 Comments

Posted by Bongo on April 22, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, dogs, humor

Tags: Ananias, Bible, Christianity, Damascus, faith, Jerusalem, Jesus, Pets, Pharisee, Saul

A Net Full of Fish

15 Apr

The Miraculous Draught of Fishes, 1515, one of the seven remaining Raphael Cartoons for tapestries. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Some of Jesus’ disciples went fishing after he was resurrected? Why didn’t they take me? I like fish.

Oh, they didn’t? They fished all night and didn’t catch anything? I guess I’m glad I wasn’t with them after all. Were they sleeping in the boat?

I’m listening, person. I didn’t fall asleep. Really. I just think those disciples must have fallen asleep. They must have been really hungry when they woke up. They didn’t have any fish to eat. What did they do?

They what? They saw a man on the shore and he asked them if they didn’t have any fish? I bet he saw them sleeping in the boat.

Okay person, I’ll listen.

When the disciples told the man they didn’t have any he told them to throw their net on the right side of the boat and they would find some. They did and they got so many fish they couldn’t haul in the net. I don’t get it, person. Do fish only swim on the right side of the boat? I’ll have to remember that if I ever get to go fishing.

Oh, I forgot. Okay, I’m listening now. One of the disciples, John, recognized Jesus then and Peter got so excited he jumped out of the boat and swam to shore. I’d be jumping out with Peter. That sounds like fun.

Jesus had breakfast ready for those hungry fishermen. He’d cooked some fish and had some bread. I hope they saved some for me.

Oh yeah, they had all those fish in the net. They counted them and there were 153. Wow, that’s a lot of fish. I wonder if they’d notice if one was missing.

Okay person, I promise I won’t steal any fish. But I think they have more than they need.

After the disciples finished breakfast Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved him. When Peter said yes Jesus told him to take care of his sheep and then he told him to feed his sheep.

I wonder what Peter is going to feed those sheep with. I don’t think they eat fish.

22 Comments

Posted by Bongo on April 15, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Boat, Christianity, dogs, faith, Fish, Jesus, John, Peter, Pets, Sea of Galilee

Listen to the Story

08 Apr

My person said I have to stay really quiet and listen because the Easter story is very important. I’ll try, person.

My person says that Jesus was crucified on the cross. That must have hurt.

Yes, I’m listening, person. I still don’t get why he was crucified though.

So God can’t look on sin and we all have it? Even me? Not me.

Well yeah, I do that but… I do that too, but it’s not my fault.

Jesus is the only one qualified to take all our sins upon himself and he had to die on the cross to do it? So God can look at us because Jesus took our sin for us? It’s a free gift from him?

We have to do what? Ask for that free gift? That’s all? That sounds really simple.

So what does that have to do with Easter?

Jesus didn’t stay dead? How could that happen?

My person says that after Jesus died he was buried in a tomb and a very large stone was rolled in front of it. On Sunday morning Mary Magdalene and some other women went to the tomb. They didn’t know how they would move the stone, but when they got there they found it had already been rolled away.

Mary ran to Peter and John, two of Jesus’ disciples, and told them someone had taken Jesus and they didn’t know where he was.

Peter and John ran to the tomb and found nothing inside but the linen and burial cloth that had been wrapped around Jesus. They didn’t understand what was happening and they went home.

Mary Magdalene stayed there and stood outside the tomb crying. She looked into the tomb and saw two angels sitting where Jesus had been.

Person, you didn’t tell me there were angels in the story.

I’m really listening, person.

The angels asked Mary why she was crying and she said they had taken her Lord away and she didn’t know where they had put him.

Mary turned around and saw a man standing there. She thought it was the gardener.

A gardener? Does he grow good stuff to eat?

I’m sorry person. I couldn’t help myself. You made me think about food.

Okay. The man asked Mary why she was crying and who she was looking for.

Mary said to the man that if he had carried Jesus away could he please tell her where he had put him and she would go get him.

The man then said one word to her. “Mary.” She immediately recognized that it was Jesus.

But person, you just told me Jesus died on the cross. How could that be him?

He did? God raised him from the dead? And Mary was the first one to see him?

Do you think I could see him too?

24 Comments

Posted by Bongo on April 8, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Christianity, Easter, faith, God, Jesus, Mary Magdalene, Pets, Tomb

Why Did They Want to Kill Him?

25 Mar

What are you telling me, person? You mean that little baby you told me about last Christmas – the one who was born where all the animals were – grew up to be a man and then people wanted to kill him? Why would they want to do that?

Yeah, Jesus. That’s who I’m talking about. Why would they want to kill him?

He did? He performed miracles and healed lots of people? Is that why they wanted to kill him? I don’t get it.

Did Jesus heal animals too?

He taught people about God and the Kingdom of Heaven? Didn’t they like God? Is that why they wanted to kill him?

He told people to do things like love their enemies? Okay, now I get it. They must have thought he was nuts. He tried to take away the fun of giving someone what for.

What, that wasn’t it either? Then what?

People followed him instead of the religious leaders? And Jesus told the religious leaders they were hypocrites that were leading people away from God? Oh, now I get it. I think.

So the religious leader got jealous of Jesus? And mad at him?

He did? He told people he is the Son of God? Why would he say that if he knew it would upset people? He could have just kept quiet and no one would have bothered him.

But person, that doesn’t make sense at all. You mean he came and was born so he could die on a cross? I don’t get it. Couldn’t he have asked God to rescue him?

He could? Then why didn’t he? Did he at least give all those religious leaders what for?

No way! He asked God to forgive them? I really don’t get it now.

He died on that cross because he loves us? I love you person, but I don’t want to die on a cross.

He had to take all the sins on himself so everybody could be with God? Didn’t God like Jesus?

He loves people too, so He was willing to sacrifice His only Son for all the people? And he saved the lives of animals too because they didn’t have to be sacrificed anymore? That’s cool. That means He loves animals too.

But I still don’t get it.

I have to hear the rest of the story and that happens on Easter?

Oh, Easter. That’s the day I get to steal the candy out of the plastic eggs.

28 Comments

Posted by Bongo on March 25, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Christianity, Easter, faith, God, Jesus, Pets, Son of God

Save the Donkey

18 Mar

A donkey did what? No way!

Okay person, I’ll tell this story without skipping over parts. I just can’t get over that donkey. I want to talk about the donkey.

Okay, I’ll wait. My person says when the Israelites were following Moses, the King of Moab became afraid of them. He thought they were going to wipe out his country. So he sent messengers to a diviner named Balaam to come and put a curse on them. But God told Balaam not to put a curse on the Israelites because they were blessed. Am I blessed person? I think I should be blessed too.

Okay, I’ll go back to the story. So Balaam said he couldn’t go with those messengers.

Those messengers went back to the king and told him Balaam wouldn’t come, so what did that king do? He sent even more messengers and told Balaam he would reward him handsomely. This time God told him to go, but to only do what He told him to do.

Hey person. Do you think Balaam wanted the money more than he wanted to do what God said? Because I think God knew Balaam was up to something. Was he up to no good?

Because God sent an angel to block his way. And the angel had his sword drawn.

Well, Balaam couldn’t see the angel but his donkey could. His donkey turned off the road and Balaam beat her. That poor donkey. All she was trying to do was save Balaam.

After that the angel of the Lord stood in a narrow path. The donkey pressed close to a wall and crushed Balaam’s foot. So he beat her again. I think I’m going to give Balaam what for.

Then that angel moved to a place where there was no way around so that donkey laid down under Balaam. And Balaam beat her with his staff.

Then God made the donkey so she could talk. This is so cool! That donkey asked Balaam why he was beating her.

Balaam actually answered his donkey and said if he’d had a sword he would kill her for making a fool of him.

The donkey asked the mean old Balaam if she hadn’t been a good donkey that didn’t normally act this way.

Balaam agreed this was not the way the donkey normally acted, and then the Lord let him see the angel. That angel gave Balaam what for and told him if his donkey hadn’t saved him he would have killed Balaam, but not the donkey.

I think Balaam got off lucky. That donkey and angel should have given him a really good talking to and then given him what for some more.

Hey person, if I let you ride on me do you think an angel would show up and teach me to talk?

22 Comments

Posted by Bongo on March 18, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Angel of the Lord, Balaam, Bible, dogs, Donkey, faith, God, Israelites, Pets

Sneaking Up

11 Mar

You mean that mean old King Saul went after David again?

I don’t believe it. King Saul went after David with 3000 men and David only had 600 men? I sure hope David had some dogs to help him out too. My dog buddies would give King Saul what for.

What do you mean, that’s not part of the story? I think dogs should be in the story.

Okay person, I’ll try to tell the story right.

David found out where King Saul had camped and he went there and saw where Saul and Abner, the commander of the army, had lain down. Saul was inside the camp with his army around him, and he had stuck his spear in the ground near his head.

Well, David took another man named Abishai with him and they snuck up on King Saul while everyone was sleeping. I sure would have liked to sneak up on King Saul too.

I could be quiet enough. I could. What if someone woke up while David was sneaking in?

See? If the Lord put everyone in a deep sleep they wouldn’t wake up for me either.

Okay, I’ll go back to the story.

Abishai wanted to kill King Saul with his spear but David wouldn’t let him because King Saul was the Lord’s anointed. So what did David do? He took King Saul’s spear and water jug and they left.

Come on David, you’ve got to stir up more mischief than that. That would hardly count for a Monday Mischief Blog Hop.

So David did what next? He did?

David went up on a hill a ways away and yelled at King Saul and Abner and told them what he’d done.

Is that it, person? When is God going to give King Saul what for?

Really? My person says that eventually King Saul died in battle and David got to be king, but David still kept having adventures after that.

I wish I could be David’s dog. I like having adventures.

No person, I’m happy being your dog, but your adventures are mild compared to David’s. After all, I am Super Dog.

22 Comments

Posted by Bongo on March 11, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Abishai, Abner, Bible, David, dogs, faith, God, King Saul, Lord, Pets

No Missing Sheep

04 Mar

Hey person, when are you going to tell me the story about those other sheep that David met?

Really? You’re finally going to tell me? So what happened to David’s sheep?

Okay, I’ll listen.

My person says King Saul kept chasing David, so David couldn’t go back home and see his sheep. But he went to a place where there were some other sheep. The sheep belonged to a rich man named Nabal who owned a thousand goats and three thousand sheep.

While David and his men were at this place they kept watch over the shepherds and the sheep and made sure nothing of theirs was missing. Don’t forget the sheep dogs, person. I’m sure they watched the sheep dogs too.

Okay person, I’ll listen. Just don’t forget the sheep dogs next time.

David heard that Nabal was shearing sheep. This was always a festive time and since David and his men had helped Nabal’s shepherds, David sent ten of his men to Nabal to greet and bless him and ask for anything he could spare.

Did Nabal give David a sheep so he wouldn’t miss his own sheep so much? Maybe a sheep dog too?

He was? He did what? Listen to this. My person says Nabal was a mean man and not only did he not give David’s men anything – he insulted David as well. I’d give him what for, person.

All right! My person says that’s exactly what David intended to do. He told his men to put on their swords and go after Nabal and his men. About four hundred men went with David and he left two hundred men with the supplies.

What happened next, person? Did they get him?

No way! My person says that even though Nabal was a mean man he had a wife named Abigail who was beautiful and intelligent. One of the servants told her what had happened and she quickly loaded up a bunch of food onto donkeys and headed out to meet David. When she found him she talked him out of going after Nabal and asked David to leave everything up to the Lord, and David praised the Lord for stopping him from doing what he had planned to do.

When Abigail returned home that mean old Nabal was having a party and had gotten drunk so she waited until the next morning to tell him what had happened. When she told him his heart failed and he became like a stone. About ten days later the Lord struck him and he died. Serves him right.

When David heard that Nabal had died he praised the Lord for doing that and keeping him from doing it himself. Then, you know what David did? He asked Abigail to marry him. And she did.

Hey person, you know sometimes when I get mad at someone and I want to give them what for? Well, even if God gives them what for, I still want to give them what for too.

26 Comments

Posted by Bongo on March 4, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Abigail, Bible, David, dogs, faith, Lord, Nabal, Pets, Saul, Sheep