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Lifted Up

The Brazen Serpent, by Benjamin West; among the overthrown, an unmistakable reference to the Laocoön (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, were those Israelites finally happy after Moses struck that rock and got water to come out?

What do you mean, they had more problems? It seems like one thing or another is always happening to them.

They wanted to go through Edom and the king wouldn’t let them? What’s with that king? Doesn’t he know who he’s dealing with? After all, those Israelites have me on their side.

Yes, I’m listening person.

So the Israelites had to go along the route to the Red Sea in order to go around Edom, and they grew impatient and started complaining again.

Weren’t they going the wrong direction? I might start complaining too.

I am listening.

The Israelites complained that there was no bread or water, and they were really sick of that manna stuff.

I guess the Lord was sick of their complaining because He sent venomous snakes among them and some people got bit and died.

I guess it takes a lot to get those people’s attention.

The people went to Moses and admitted that they’d sinned against him and against the Lord, and asked Moses to pray to the Lord to take the snakes away.

Then the Lord told Moses to make a bronze snake and put it on a pole. When anyone was bitten by a snake and looked at the bronze snake he would live.

That must have been some magical snake. Maybe we should get one like that.

What do you mean we have one like that in a way?

Jesus was lifted up like the snake? Jesus isn’t a snake.

Oh. Jesus said that just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert He would be lifted up, so that everyone who believes in Him may have eternal life.

But person, it’s almost Christmas time when Jesus comes as a little baby. Why would anyone lift up a little baby like that?

Jesus grew up? Really? I hope he doesn’t grow up too fast. I want to make sure to get my Christmas presents.

***

Oh, I almost forgot. Speaking of being lifted up, I got so excited about Christmas coming that I almost forgot that I have something to celebrate today. Today is National Mutt Day. So I thought I would show you a picture of one of my favorite mutts.

Shouldn’t I get some presents for National Mutt Day? After all, this is my special day.

19 Comments

Posted by Bongo on December 2, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christmas, faith, God, Israelite, Jesus, Moses, National Mutt Day, Pets, Snake

Speak or Strike

25 Nov

English: Moses striking the rock (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, after those Israelites realized they were stuck in the desert for forty years did they finally settle down and do what God said? Maybe they could find a nice oasis and settle down there for awhile.

They complained some more? I guess all that manna was getting to them.

So they complained that there was no grain or figs, grapevines or pomegranates in the terrible place they were in.

What are they complaining about? I’ve never had a pomegranate.

Yes, I’m listening person.

And then they complained that there was no water to drink.

Hey person, I’m running out of water here. I need my water dish filled up.

No I’m not complaining. And I’m really listening.

Moses and Aaron were getting pretty frustrated with the people but the glory of the Lord appeared to them and He told Moses to take the staff and gather the people together. Then He said to speak to the rock and it will pour out water.

Maybe I can speak to my water dish.

I am listening.

Moses and Aaron gathered the people and Moses was so upset with them that he said, “Listen you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?” Then he struck the rock with his staff and water came pouring out.

Maybe I can push my water dish under that rock.

God was mad at Moses and Aaron? Why? He gave them water didn’t he?

Oh. They didn’t do what He said?

God told Moses to speak to the rock and he struck the rock instead. God told Moses and Aaron that they didn’t trust Him enough to honor Him as holy. And because of it they weren’t going to get to bring Israel into the Promised Land.

Hey person, if I trust God will you fill up my water dish? This story has really made me thirsty.

And then maybe I can lead those Israelites into the Promised Land, since it looks like Moses and Aaron aren’t going to finish the job.

18 Comments

Posted by Bongo on November 25, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Aaron, Bible, faith, God, Israelite, Lord, Moses, Pets, Pomegranate, Water

Swallowed Up

18 Nov

English: The Death of Korah, Dathan and Abiram, by Gustave Doré (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, after those Israelites were chased down the hill by the Amalekites what happened?

They didn’t? No way. Isn’t that kind of like a bully who gets beat on so he turns around to pick on somebody else?

I’m listening.

After the Amalekites chased the Israelites down the hill and the Israelites realized they were stuck in the wilderness for forty years for not trusting God, they decided to turn on Moses and his brother Aaron.

Well, three of them Korah, Dathan, and Abiram turned on Moses and Aaron, and they had 250 other guys with them. They didn’t like that God spoke to Moses and that Aaron was the high priest. They figured they should all have equal access to God and be equal with Moses and Aaron.

Moses told these guys who had turned on him that it was against the Lord they had turned. He summoned Dathan and Abiram but they refused to come and just grumbled that Moses hadn’t brought them into a land flowing with milk and honey.

I’d be complaining if I was left in the desert too. Sand doesn’t taste anything like dog treats.

Yes, I’m listening.

The Lord knew that Korah, Dathan, and Abiram had gone too far and He told Moses to tell everyone to move away from their tents. When the people had moved, the ground opened up and swallowed the three rebels along with their tents and all their stuff.

I was looking for a tent for my miracle healings the other day. Maybe I’d better stay away from tents.

I am listening person. You can go on with the story. I’m waiting.

The Lord decided to get rid of the grumbling so He told Moses to collect the staff of a leader from each of the tribes of Israel and write the owner’s name on it. The Lord said that the staff belonging to the man He chose would sprout.

The next day Aaron’s staff had not only sprouted, but had budded, blossomed, and produced almonds too. The Lord told Moses to put Aaron’s staff in front of the tablets with the Ten Commandments on them as a reminder to the rebellious.

Do you think I could get a staff like that? But I don’t think I want mine to come from an almond tree. Do you think I could get one from that bone tree I found?

11 Comments

Posted by Bongo on November 18, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Aaron, Bible, dogs, faith, God, Israelite, Lord, Moses, Pets

Up the Hill

11 Nov

I bet those Israelites were pretty upset after God told them they would be wandering in the desert for forty years. No treats or anything. No milk and honey. Just manna every day – three times a day – for forty years.

I would eat manna. But treats are good sometimes too.

I am ready to listen, person. I was just waiting for you to begin the story.

So those Israelites made God pretty mad when they wouldn’t trust Him to help them take the Promised Land. They were scared of those giants, and all the fortified cities.

But after God told them they would have to wander in the desert for such a long time they must have thought that that was worse than taking a chance on dying in a battle for the Promised Land.

So they said they had sinned and decided they would go to the place the Lord had promised.

But Moses said they were a day late and a dollar short and God was no longer with them.

I didn’t know they had dollars in the desert?

Yes, I’m listening.

Moses told the people not to go. Because they had turned from the Lord, the Amalekites and Canaanites would face them there and defeat them.

But those Israelites figured they could do it on their own so they went up to the high hill country anyway.

Neither Moses nor the Ark of the Covenant went with them.

Maybe Moses didn’t want to go hill climbing.

I am listening.

So when the Israelites got up in those hills the Canaanites and the Amalekites who lived there came down and attacked them.

And they chased them all the way down the hill.

That was a lot of hill climbing for nothing.

12 Comments

Posted by Bongo on November 11, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Ark of the Covenant, Bible, Canaan, dogs, faith, God, Israelite, Lord, Moses, Pets

Exploring the Land

04 Nov

English: Moses and the Messengers from Canaan, by Giovanni Lanfranco, oil on canvas, 85-3/4 x 97 inches, at the J. Paul Getty Museum, Los Angeles (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Those Israelites that Moses was leading sure had to hang out in the desert for a long time before God would let them go to the Promised Land.

Really? They finally were almost there? Are they going to march right in and take over?

Oh. They sent some explorers in first, huh? That’s what God told Moses to do? I guess that’s a pretty good idea. Could I go with them? I could wear my explorer hat.

What do you mean, I don’t have an explorer hat?

I wouldn’t run off. Really I wouldn’t.

I’m listening.

Moses sent a leader from each of the twelve tribes of Israel to explore the land. He told them to see what the people were like and what kind of land they lived in. He told them to see if the towns were fortified or not, if the land was good for farming, and if there were trees. And he asked them to bring back some of the fruit of the land.

Could they bring back some dog treats too?

Yes, I’ll listen.

Those men explored the land for forty days and when they came back they brought a branch with a cluster of grapes that was so big it took two of them to carry it on a pole between them.

That’s a lot of grapes. I hope they’ll share some with me.

What do you mean, dogs aren’t supposed to eat grapes? I think they should go back then and get something I can eat. A nice meaty bone maybe.

I’ve been listening all along.

The explorers told Moses that the land truly was a land flowing with milk and honey, but the people were powerful, the cities fortified, and they even saw giants.

Only Caleb and Joshua said that they should go take the land, because those two knew that God was with them and they could do it.

The other ten explorers turned the Israelites against Moses and Aaron and they all grumbled. They were afraid they would all die by the sword and their wives and children would be taken as plunder. They wanted to choose a leader to take them back to Egypt.

The Lord became angry with the people, and Moses had to talk Him out of destroying them and using Moses to start a new nation.

So what happened? Did they go back to Egypt?

They did? They had to hang out in the desert for forty years? Wow! That’s a long time.

No way! God said everyone over twenty except Joshua and Caleb would die in the desert during those forty years? And their children would be the ones to take the land?

Do you think when those children go in there they could get me some treats?

14 Comments

Posted by Bongo on November 4, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Caleb, dogs, faith, God, Israelite, Joshua, Lord, Moses, Pets

Sibling Rivalry

28 Oct

English: Miriam and Aaron complain against Moses, engraving from “The Bible and Its Story Taught by One Thousand Picture Lessons, vol. 2”, edited by Charles F. Horne and Julius A. Bewer, published by Francis R. Niglutsch, New York, 1908. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I thought Moses and his brother and sister were all grown up. You mean grownups make fun of each other too?

Okay, I’ll listen to the story.

Moses’ sister Miriam and his brother Aaron talked bad about Moses because he had married a Cushite woman.

Were they jealous of her? I bet they were.

I’m listening. Really.

God heard Miriam and Aaron talk bad about Moses and He said to them, “Come out to the Tent of Meeting, all three of you.”

Oh, oh. They’re in trouble now.

The Lord came down in a pillar of cloud and said to Aaron and Miriam that normally He reveals Himself to a prophet in visions and dreams. But Moses is faithful and He speaks to him face to face and clearly, rather than in riddles.

Oh. That wife thing was just an excuse, wasn’t it? I’d be jealous if God talked more to my brother too.

Then God asked Miriam and Aaron why they weren’t afraid to speak against His faithful servant Moses.

Oops. I guess they were told.

Yes, I’m still listening.

The Lord was mad at Miriam and Aaron and when He left the Tent Miriam was leprous. Aaron felt bad and asked Moses not to hold their sin against them.

So Moses cried out to the Lord and asked Him to heal Miriam.

I guess the Lord wanted to teach Miriam a lesson first because He told Moses to put her in time out outside the camp for seven days and then she could be brought back.

That’s a long time out.

So all the people stayed where they were while Miriam was in time out, and then they went to the Desert of Paran.

What do you mean, what lesson did I learn from that?

Well, those Israelites were all kind of in time out since they had to stay where they were while Miriam was in time out. So I guess if you want to get everyone in trouble with you, just talk bad about your brother.

Hey person, have you seen what Scratchy’s doing? He’s up to no good for sure.

12 Comments

Posted by Bongo on October 28, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Aaron, Bible, faith, God, Israelite, Lord, Miriam, Moses, Pets, Tabernacle

Quail in the Desert

21 Oct

Mount Sinai (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, haven’t Moses and all those Israelites been hanging around Mt. Sinai a long time? Are they stuck there forever?

He did? My person says that God gave Moses the instructions for building a tabernacle, and they hung around Mt. Sinai while they were building it. And when they got it done the Lord covered it with a cloud, and at night the cloud looked like fire so they could still see it.

Wow! Was that kind of like a bonfire over the tabernacle? Could they roast wieners in it?

I’m listening, person.

Finally, after about a year, the cloud lifted. That was the signal for the Israelites to set out.

So the Israelites broke camp and headed out, but after about three days they started complaining. They were tired of the manna they’d been eating for the last year. They wanted meat.

I guess they’ve got to follow that cloud so they can roast wieners again.

What do you mean that’s not in the story? They wouldn’t be whining if they could roast wieners.

Okay, I’ll listen.

God got angry with the people for complaining, and Moses was totally frustrated. Moses told God he didn’t want to put up with the whiners anymore. They wanted meat and he couldn’t give it to them.

So God told Moses to tell the people to get ready to eat meat, because he was going to give them meat for a whole month – so much meat that they would get sick of it.

I would never get sick of meat. Can I go where all that meat is?

Oh, it was a long time ago? Can you give me some meat then?

I am listening. But I could listen better if I had some meat to chew on.

Moses couldn’t see how there would be enough meat for all those people for a month, but God assured him that He could do it. He sent a wind to drive quail in from the sea and it brought quail down all around the camp to about three feet above the ground. There were quail as far as a day’s walk in any direction.

But the Lord’s anger burned against the people who had complained and He struck them down with a severe plague.

Hey person, that plague sounds nasty. I wasn’t complaining about meat. I only asked nicely. But I’m perfectly happy with my dog food.

But you could give me some meat if you feel like it.

12 Comments

Posted by Bongo on October 21, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, dogs, faith, God, Israelite, Lord, Moses, Mount Sinai, Pets, Quail

Replaced Commandments

14 Oct

Moses with Radiant Face (1638 painting by José de Ribera) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, Moses broke those tablets with the Ten Commandments on them when he got so mad about the golden calf and all the partying – so now what?

How are those people going to know what the rules are if they’re already broken before they get them?

They what? They broke one of the commandments before they even got it – and that’s why Moses was so mad?

Those people had better get their act together. But how are they going to do it?

He did? Moses went back up the mountain? I bet he was worn out. He must have been huffing and puffing the second time.

Oh. My person says God told Moses to chisel two stone tablets like the first ones so He could write on them again.

So Moses got some rest from climbing that mountain. I bet he chiseled those tablets really slow so he had time to catch his breath.

Moses stayed on that mountain with God for another forty days and forty nights without eating bread or drinking water.

That’s a long time. I bet he ran to the nearest stream when he came back down that mountain.

I am listening.

When Moses came down that mountain with the two tablets after speaking to the Lord his face was shining but he didn’t know it.

I bet he wondered what was going on. All the people must have been staring and pointing at him and whispering to each other.

I’m listening. But do you think Moses needs to powder his shiny face?

Okay, I’ll be serious.

He did? Moses put a veil on his face when he was with the people, but every time he went to speak with the Lord he took the veil off and when he came out his face would be radiant again.

Hey person, that would be cool to talk to God like Moses did. Do you think if I rubbed my face in glitter glue people would believe I did?

11 Comments

Posted by Bongo on October 14, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, faith, God, Lord, Moses, Pets, Tablets of Stone, Ten Commandments

The Golden Calf

07 Oct

The Adoration of the Golden Calf’ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Moses was hanging out on Mt. Sinai talking to God for a very long time and the Israelites got tired of waiting for him to come down.

I think I’d get tired too, person. Patience is not my middle name.

Okay, I’m listening.

So the Israelites went to Moses’ brother Aaron and told him to make gods that would go before them.

Can Aaron do that?

Okay, I’ll listen.

Aaron told the people to give him all their gold earrings and he took the gold and made it into an idol in the shape of a calf, fashioning it with a tool.

You’d think he’d at least make it look like a dog.

Of course I’m listening. I just think they need a few more dogs in this story.

The next day the people sacrificed burnt offerings to that golden calf – it really needs to be a dog – and then they had a big party.

I hope the dogs got the leftovers from the party at least.

I’m listening.

God knew what the people were doing and He told Moses to leave Him alone so He could destroy them. But Moses talked God out of it saying that the Egyptians would say that God just brought the people out of Egypt so He could kill them.

So Moses went down the mountain with the two tablets that had the Ten Commandments on them. But when he saw the calf and the people dancing he threw the tablets down and they broke into pieces at the foot of the mountain.

Then he burned the calf, ground it into powder, scattered it on the water, and made the Israelites drink it.

That must have been some odd tasting steak.

When Moses asked Aaron what the people did to him that caused him to lead them to do something so bad, Aaron said the people didn’t know what happened to Moses and told him to make gods to go before them. So he asked for their gold and threw it into the fire and the calf came out.

See, I told you Aaron should have made a dog. If he didn’t have that calf Aaron and the Israelites wouldn’t have gotten into trouble.

24 Comments

Posted by Bongo on October 7, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Aaron, Bible, dogs, faith, God, Israelite, Moses, Patience, Pets, Ten Commandments

Tablets of Stone

30 Sep

Moses with the tablets of the Ten Commandments, painting by Rembrandt (1659) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I guess God didn’t want the Israelites hanging out in one place very long. They had manna and water out of the rock, and they’d chased those nasty old Amalekites away so they had it pretty good. But they moved again.

In the third month after they left Egypt they came to the Desert of Sinai and camped in front of Mt. Sinai.

God told Moses to go up on the mountain to meet with Him, but not to let anyone else come up there. The people stood at the foot of the mountain and it was covered in smoke because the Lord came down on the mountain in fire. Smoke billowed up from the mountain and the whole mountain trembled violently.

I think I’d be running the other way about now. I bet Moses was scared.

I’m listening, person.

Moses was up on the mountain forty days and forty nights.

That’s a long time. What was he doing up there all that time?

He was what? Talking to God for forty days? They must have had a lot of catching up to do.

Yes, I’ll listen.

While Moses was on that mountain God gave him two tablets of stone with the Ten Commandments written on them.

What are the Ten Commandments?

No way! You mean I have to change my ways? I don’t even want to repeat those.

Okay… Here’s what my person says the Ten Commandments are.

Honor your people and always do what they say the first time they say it.
Don’t bark unless you’re chasing away a bad guy.
Don’t chase cats.
Don’t eat the cat’s food.
Don’t eat treats out of the litter box.
Don’t chew on things that don’t belong to you.
Don’t steal food.
Be good when your people leave you alone in the house.
Don’t jump the fence and run off.
No mischief.

Hey person, I can’t follow those. I just can’t. They’re too hard. Especially that “No Mischief” one.

What?! There’s a way around it? How? What do I have to do?

My person says that people can’t follow the Ten Commandments for people any better than I can follow the ones she gave me. She says God had to give people another way to get to heaven because nobody can do it themselves. She says that’s a whole other story but it has to do with God loving us so much that He sent His Son to come down and take our place and die on a cross for us.

You mean God’s Son takes care of it for me?

Woo woo! I’m going to go get into some mischief.

22 Comments

Posted by Bongo on September 30, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, dogs, faith, God, Jesus, Moses, Mount Sinai, Pets, Ten Commandments