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The Real Gift of Christmas

23 Dec

Bongo's presents on top of the fridgeChristmas is almost here and I’m getting really excited. Our tree is up, the lights are on, and I’m looking for the presents. I keep hearing that Santa will bring me presents, but I think I saw my person putting some good smelling things all wrapped in brightly colored paper on top of the fridge.

I’m a pretty good jumper, but I wish I could jump just a little bit higher. All the good stuff that doesn’t go into the fridge seems to go on top of it. If I could get up there I could have a treat feast.

But there’s something else I wish I could do besides jump higher. I wish I could sneak back in time – not too far back, just a little over 2000 years. That’s not asking much, is it?

And I’d like to go to a place called Bethlehem. A little baby was born there one night. Well, I guess lots of babies were born there, but this one was special. This little baby was wrapped in cloths and laid in a manger because the inn was full and his parents had nowhere else to go except for where the animals hung out.

Since there were animals there already I’m sure no one would notice one extra dog in the place. Especially when those shepherds showed up. Everybody would figure I was one of their sheepdogs. Well maybe. I could have pretended I was a sheepdog anyway.

Even if I had to change my appearance so I could pass as a sheepdog, travel back in time, and go to a faraway place, it would be all worth it to see God making his appearance on earth as a baby.

***

Hey person, I think I knocked a ball onto the top of the fridge. Could you get it for me, and maybe knock some of those presents down while you’re at it?

What are you saying, person? The true gift of Christmas is Jesus? That baby in a manger is the gift? Never mind then. I guess Jesus isn’t hanging out on top of the fridge.

***

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

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20 Comments

Posted by on December 23, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Yeshua is Born

16 Dec
Yeshua

Yeshua (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Okay person, in the last Bible story you told me you said Moses climbed a mountain and died, and Joshua took over. But you weren’t going to tell me any stories about Joshua right now because there’s someone else you want to tell me about who has the same name, but different.

Okay, I’m waiting. Who is this person with the same name – but different?

His name is what? Yeshua? That’s a strange name. I’ve never heard of a name like that before.

And Joshua had a name like it? Wait a minute. Joshua’s name is Joshua.

Person, you are really confusing. Okay, I’ll listen.

Yeshua is a shortened version of Joshua’s Hebrew name Yehoshua? Joshua was sometimes called Yeshua. How come Joshua has so many names?

Because his Hebrew name is translated to his English name when the Bible is translated into English? Okay person, what would his name be in Doglish?

I am listening.

This story is about Yeshua, who was born in Bethlehem to Mary and Joseph, and laid in a manger because there was no room at the inn.

Wait a minute person. You told me this story last year. But it was about Jesus. There can’t be two babies who hung out in mangers.

They were the same baby? Now I’m really confused.

Yeshua is Jesus’ Hebrew name. Then how come we don’t call him Joshua like that other guy.

Because Jesus’ name was translated into Greek first (part of the Bible was written in Greek?) and then into English, so it became Jesus instead of Joshua.

Oh dog, that’s all Greek to me. What would his name be if it was translated again into Doglish?

The name Yeshua means Salvation? I know what it would be in Doglish then.

Dinner.

 
14 Comments

Posted by on December 16, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Swallowed Up

18 Nov
English: The Death of Korah, Dathan and Abiram...

English: The Death of Korah, Dathan and Abiram, by Gustave Doré (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, after those Israelites were chased down the hill by the Amalekites what happened?

They didn’t? No way. Isn’t that kind of like a bully who gets beat on so he turns around to pick on somebody else?

I’m listening.

After the Amalekites chased the Israelites down the hill and the Israelites realized they were stuck in the wilderness for forty years for not trusting God, they decided to turn on Moses and his brother Aaron.

Well, three of them Korah, Dathan, and Abiram turned on Moses and Aaron, and they had 250 other guys with them. They didn’t like that God spoke to Moses and that Aaron was the high priest. They figured they should all have equal access to God and be equal with Moses and Aaron.

Moses told these guys who had turned on him that it was against the Lord they had turned. He summoned Dathan and Abiram but they refused to come and just grumbled that Moses hadn’t brought them into a land flowing with milk and honey.

I’d be complaining if I was left in the desert too. Sand doesn’t taste anything like dog treats.

Yes, I’m listening.

The Lord knew that Korah, Dathan, and Abiram had gone too far and He told Moses to tell everyone to move away from their tents. When the people had moved, the ground opened up and swallowed the three rebels along with their tents and all their stuff.

I was looking for a tent for my miracle healings the other day. Maybe I’d better stay away from tents.

I am listening person. You can go on with the story. I’m waiting.

The Lord decided to get rid of the grumbling so He told Moses to collect the staff of a leader from each of the tribes of Israel and write the owner’s name on it. The Lord said that the staff belonging to the man He chose would sprout.

The next day Aaron’s staff had not only sprouted, but had budded, blossomed, and produced almonds too. The Lord told Moses to put Aaron’s staff in front of the tablets with the Ten Commandments on them as a reminder to the rebellious.

Do you think I could get a staff like that? But I don’t think I want mine to come from an almond tree. Do you think I could get one from that bone tree I found?

 

 
11 Comments

Posted by on November 18, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Up the Hill

11 Nov

Israelites Defeated

I bet those Israelites were pretty upset after God told them they would be wandering in the desert for forty years. No treats or anything. No milk and honey. Just manna every day – three times a day – for forty years.

I would eat manna. But treats are good sometimes too.

I am ready to listen, person. I was just waiting for you to begin the story.

So those Israelites made God pretty mad when they wouldn’t trust Him to help them take the Promised Land. They were scared of those giants, and all the fortified cities.

But after God told them they would have to wander in the desert for such a long time they must have thought that that was worse than taking a chance on dying in a battle for the Promised Land.

So they said they had sinned and decided they would go to the place the Lord had promised.

But Moses said they were a day late and a dollar short and God was no longer with them.

I didn’t know they had dollars in the desert?

Yes, I’m listening.

Moses told the people not to go. Because they had turned from the Lord, the Amalekites and Canaanites would face them there and defeat them.

But those Israelites figured they could do it on their own so they went up to the high hill country anyway.

Neither Moses nor the Ark of the Covenant went with them.

Maybe Moses didn’t want to go hill climbing.

I am listening.

So when the Israelites got up in those hills the Canaanites and the Amalekites who lived there came down and attacked them.

And they chased them all the way down the hill.

That was a lot of hill climbing for nothing.

 
12 Comments

Posted by on November 11, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Exploring the Land

04 Nov
English: Moses and the Messengers from Canaan,...

English: Moses and the Messengers from Canaan, by Giovanni Lanfranco, oil on canvas, 85-3/4 x 97 inches, at the J. Paul Getty Museum, Los Angeles (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Those Israelites that Moses was leading sure had to hang out in the desert for a long time before God would let them go to the Promised Land.

Really? They finally were almost there? Are they going to march right in and take over?

Oh. They sent some explorers in first, huh? That’s what God told Moses to do? I guess that’s a pretty good idea. Could I go with them? I could wear my explorer hat.

What do you mean, I don’t have an explorer hat?

I wouldn’t run off. Really I wouldn’t.

I’m listening.

Moses sent a leader from each of the twelve tribes of Israel to explore the land. He told them to see what the people were like and what kind of land they lived in. He told them to see if the towns were fortified or not, if the land was good for farming, and if there were trees. And he asked them to bring back some of the fruit of the land.

Could they bring back some dog treats too?

Yes, I’ll listen.

Those men explored the land for forty days and when they came back they brought a branch with a cluster of grapes that was so big it took two of them to carry it on a pole between them.

That’s a lot of grapes. I hope they’ll share some with me.

What do you mean, dogs aren’t supposed to eat grapes? I think they should go back then and get something I can eat. A nice meaty bone maybe.

I’ve been listening all along.

The explorers told Moses that the land truly was a land flowing with milk and honey, but the people were powerful, the cities fortified, and they even saw giants.

Only Caleb and Joshua said that they should go take the land, because those two knew that God was with them and they could do it.

The other ten explorers turned the Israelites against Moses and Aaron and they all grumbled. They were afraid they would all die by the sword and their wives and children would be taken as plunder. They wanted to choose a leader to take them back to Egypt.

The Lord became angry with the people, and Moses had to talk Him out of destroying them and using Moses to start a new nation.

So what happened? Did they go back to Egypt?

They did? They had to hang out in the desert for forty years? Wow! That’s a long time.

No way! God said everyone over twenty except Joshua and Caleb would die in the desert during those forty years? And their children would be the ones to take the land?

Do you think when those children go in there they could get me some treats?

 
14 Comments

Posted by on November 4, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Quail in the Desert

21 Oct
Mount Sinai

Mount Sinai (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, haven’t Moses and all those Israelites been hanging around Mt. Sinai a long time? Are they stuck there forever?

He did? My person says that God gave Moses the instructions for building a tabernacle, and they hung around Mt. Sinai while they were building it. And when they got it done the Lord covered it with a cloud, and at night the cloud looked like fire so they could still see it.

Wow! Was that kind of like a bonfire over the tabernacle? Could they roast wieners in it?

I’m listening, person.

Finally, after about a year, the cloud lifted. That was the signal for the Israelites to set out.

So the Israelites broke camp and headed out, but after about three days they started complaining. They were tired of the manna they’d been eating for the last year. They wanted meat.

I guess they’ve got to follow that cloud so they can roast wieners again.

What do you mean that’s not in the story? They wouldn’t be whining if they could roast wieners.

Okay, I’ll listen.

God got angry with the people for complaining, and Moses was totally frustrated. Moses told God he didn’t want to put up with the whiners anymore. They wanted meat and he couldn’t give it to them.

So God told Moses to tell the people to get ready to eat meat, because he was going to give them meat for a whole month – so much meat that they would get sick of it.

I would never get sick of meat. Can I go where all that meat is?

Oh, it was a long time ago? Can you give me some meat then?

I am listening. But I could listen better if I had some meat to chew on.

Moses couldn’t see how there would be enough meat for all those people for a month, but God assured him that He could do it. He sent a wind to drive quail in from the sea and it brought quail down all around the camp to about three feet above the ground. There were quail as far as a day’s walk in any direction.

But the Lord’s anger burned against the people who had complained and He struck them down with a severe plague.

Hey person, that plague sounds nasty. I wasn’t complaining about meat. I only asked nicely. But I’m perfectly happy with my dog food.

But you could give me some meat if you feel like it.

 
12 Comments

Posted by on October 21, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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The Golden Calf

07 Oct
The Adoration of the Golden Calf'

The Adoration of the Golden Calf’ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Moses was hanging out on Mt. Sinai talking to God for a very long time and the Israelites got tired of waiting for him to come down.

I think I’d get tired too, person. Patience is not my middle name.

Okay, I’m listening.

So the Israelites went to Moses’ brother Aaron and told him to make gods that would go before them.

Can Aaron do that?

Okay, I’ll listen.

Aaron told the people to give him all their gold earrings and he took the gold and made it into an idol in the shape of a calf, fashioning it with a tool.

You’d think he’d at least make it look like a dog.

Of course I’m listening. I just think they need a few more dogs in this story.

The next day the people sacrificed burnt offerings to that golden calf – it really needs to be a dog – and then they had a big party.

I hope the dogs got the leftovers from the party at least.

I’m listening.

God knew what the people were doing and He told Moses to leave Him alone so He could destroy them. But Moses talked God out of it saying that the Egyptians would say that God just brought the people out of Egypt so He could kill them.

So Moses went down the mountain with the two tablets that had the Ten Commandments on them. But when he saw the calf and the people dancing he threw the tablets down and they broke into pieces at the foot of the mountain.

Then he burned the calf, ground it into powder, scattered it on the water, and made the Israelites drink it.

That must have been some odd tasting steak.

When Moses asked Aaron what the people did to him that caused him to lead them to do something so bad, Aaron said the people didn’t know what happened to Moses and told him to make gods to go before them. So he asked for their gold and threw it into the fire and the calf came out.

See, I told you Aaron should have made a dog. If he didn’t have that calf Aaron and the Israelites wouldn’t have gotten into trouble.

 
24 Comments

Posted by on October 7, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Tablets of Stone

30 Sep
Moses with the tablets of the Ten Commandments...

Moses with the tablets of the Ten Commandments, painting by Rembrandt (1659) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I guess God didn’t want the Israelites hanging out in one place very long. They had manna and water out of the rock, and they’d chased those nasty old Amalekites away so they had it pretty good. But they moved again.

In the third month after they left Egypt they came to the Desert of Sinai and camped in front of Mt. Sinai.

God told Moses to go up on the mountain to meet with Him, but not to let anyone else come up there. The people stood at the foot of the mountain and it was covered in smoke because the Lord came down on the mountain in fire. Smoke billowed up from the mountain and the whole mountain trembled violently.

I think I’d be running the other way about now. I bet Moses was scared.

I’m listening, person.

Moses was up on the mountain forty days and forty nights.

That’s a long time. What was he doing up there all that time?

He was what? Talking to God for forty days? They must have had a lot of catching up to do.

Yes, I’ll listen.

While Moses was on that mountain God gave him two tablets of stone with the Ten Commandments written on them.

What are the Ten Commandments?

No way! You mean I have to change my ways? I don’t even want to repeat those.

Okay… Here’s what my person says the Ten Commandments are.

  1. Honor your people and always do what they say the first time they say it.
  2. Don’t bark unless you’re chasing away a bad guy.
  3. Don’t chase cats.
  4. Don’t eat the cat’s food.
  5. Don’t eat treats out of the litter box.
  6. Don’t chew on things that don’t belong to you.
  7. Don’t steal food.
  8. Be good when your people leave you alone in the house.
  9. Don’t jump the fence and run off.
  10. No mischief.

Hey person, I can’t follow those. I just can’t. They’re too hard. Especially that “No Mischief” one.

What?! There’s a way around it? How? What do I have to do?

My person says that people can’t follow the Ten Commandments for people any better than I can follow the ones she gave me. She says God had to give people another way to get to heaven because nobody can do it themselves. She says that’s a whole other story but it has to do with God loving us so much that He sent His Son to come down and take our place and die on a cross for us.

You mean God’s Son takes care of it for me?

Woo woo! I’m going to go get into some mischief.

 
22 Comments

Posted by on September 30, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Hold up Your Hands

23 Sep
English: Victory O Lord, by John Everett Milla...

English: Victory O Lord, by John Everett Millais, the Amalekites defeated, as in Exodus 17:8-16, 1871 oil on canvas, at the Manchester City Galleries (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, Moses and those Israelites really had it made now, didn’t they? God had helped them escape from Egypt, He gave them manna to eat, and now He’d given them water from out of that rock. I bet they were ready to lie down and take a nice, long nap.

What? Oh, no! My person says that while the Israelites were still camped at Rephidim, drinking all their water, the Amalekites came and attacked them.

Those Amalekites need to find their own rock to get water out of.

I’ll listen person, as soon as I chase those Amalekites away.

What do you mean, it’s not my job to chase them? It’s always a dog’s job to chase the bad guys.

Okay, I’ll listen.

Moses told Joshua to choose some men and go out and fight the Amalekites.

I bet Joshua needs some help. I could go out and help him.

I am listening, person, but I can’t help myself. I just want to grab those Amalekites by their robes and yank on them.

Okay, I’ll try to calm down.

Moses said he was going to stand on the top of the hill with the staff of God in his hand. Moses’ brother Aaron and Hur went with him.

As long as Moses held his hands up, Joshua and the Israelites were winning. But when he put them down again the Amalekites started winning. So Aaron and Hur got a stone and put it under Moses for him to sit on …

Excuse me, person. I don’t think a stone would be very comfortable to sit on. Didn’t they have one of those cushy chairs they could get for him?

I am listening.

Aaron and Hur stood on either side of Moses and held his hands up until sundown. And because Moses’ hands were up Joshua beat the Amalekites.

Moses built an altar called The Lord is my Banner because he said his hands were lifted up to the throne of the Lord.

Hey person, the next time Scratchy tries to eat my food, could you lift up your hands?

 
20 Comments

Posted by on September 23, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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Rock Water

16 Sep
c. 1540-1545

c. 1540-1545 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, now that God is giving the Israelites manna to eat I bet they don’t have anything to whine about anymore.

They what?

Oh, no. I’m getting thirsty just thinking about it.

After the Lord gave the Israelites manna He told them to move to a place called Rephidim, but there was no water there for the people to drink.

God made It rain down manna. Couldn’t he make normal rain so they’d have water?

Okay, I’ll listen.

The people got really mad at Moses and told him to give them water. They accused Moses of bringing them out of Egypt so they could all die of thirst.

Hey person, didn’t Moses have a plan when he took those people out of Egypt?

Yes, I’ll listen.

So Moses cried out to the Lord and asked Him what to do because the people were ready to stone him.

Moses might get kind of flat if they did that to him.

I am listening.

The Lord told Moses to go before the people with some of the elders and take the rod that he had used to strike the river.

Is Moses going to beat the people off with the rod?

Well, if they all came after him he needed to do something.

The Lord told Moses that He would stand before him on the rock in Horeb, and that Moses should strike it.

Moses struck the rock with the elders watching, and water came out of it for the people to drink.

Hey person, we have lots of rocks on my trails. Maybe you should get one of those rods. Then you wouldn’t have to carry any water along with us.

 
16 Comments

Posted by on September 16, 2012 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

 

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