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Category Archives: humor

No Self-Respecting Dog

A couple days ago strange things were happening on my trails. Squishy mud stayed around after the sun should have chased it all away. I picked up a lot of clues but I wasn’t able to get to the bottom of the investigation.

So I headed back out to look for more clues. And while I was investigating I found evidence of something else.

Somebody had dropped something right in the middle of my trail. No self-respecting dog would do this, and it’s a good thing you can’t see it very well in the picture because it’s not a pretty sight.

It’s full of juniper berries! Who would eat juniper berries? We get these things all over my yard and they don’t even smell good.

Fortunately there was another clue to help me out. The smell.

I always suspected, but now I know for sure. Coyotes are not self-respecting dogs. If I ever find the coyote who did this, I’m going to give him what for for sure.

I might have to post a guard out on my trails to make sure those coyotes don’t mess them up again.

But there’s one more thing I’ve got to check first.

I’ve got to make sure they’re not drinking any water out of my puddles.

Nope, it’s all here. And it better stay here too.

Click here to find more mischievous pets.

27 Comments

Posted by Bongo on February 4, 2013 in Bongo, dogs, humor

Tags: Coyote, coyote scat, Juniper berry, Pets, Puddle, Trail

Living Water

03 Feb

The Water of Life Discourse between Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well, by Giacomo Franceschini, 17-18th century (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, Jesus isn’t going to make any more wine is he? I think I got a hangover from that last story you told me, when he turned water into wine.

Oh, good. Only water in this story, huh? I drink lots of water, so that’s good. Unless maybe, Jesus wants to make me some fish juice.

Okay, I’ll listen to the story.

***

Jesus decided to leave Judea, where he’d been hanging out for awhile, and go back to Galilee.

***

Is that a long way? How did he get there? Did he have a fancy car?

Jesus walked? What do you mean they didn’t have cars then? I thought they always had cars.

I’m listening. I just wanted to know.

***

Jesus had to go through Samaria to get where he was going. The Jews hated the Samaritans so much that most of them would travel the extra distance around Samaria rather than go through it.

***

Jesus must have been in a hurry.

Yes, I’ll listen.

***

Jesus came to a town called Sychar in Samaria to the place where Jacob’s well was. His disciples went into town to buy food. Jesus, who was tired from the journey, sat down by the well.

A Samaritan woman came to the well to draw water and Jesus asked her if she’d give him a drink. The woman was surprised that Jesus, a Jewish man, would talk to her, a Samaritan and a woman.

And Jesus said to her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

***

Living water? That sounds good. I want some of that.

I am listening. But could you fill my water bowl with living water next time?

***

The woman couldn’t figure out where Jesus could get any kind of water because he had nothing to draw water out of the well with.

***

I could jump in and get that water. Oops, I forgot. I’d be stuck in the well, wouldn’t I?

***

Jesus told the woman that everyone who drinks from the well will be thirsty again, but those who drink from the water Jesus gives them will never thirst. The water from Jesus will become a spring of water welling up to eternal life.

Of course the woman wanted some of that water so she wouldn’t have to come drawing water from the well every day.

So Jesus told her to get her husband and come back, but when the woman said she had no husband Jesus said she was right. He said she’d had five husbands but the man she was with now wasn’t her husband.

***

That woman was busy. I’ve only had two girlfriends.

Can’t I make a comment sometimes?

***

The woman realized Jesus was a prophet when he knew all about her and she asked him some questions and then said that when the Messiah comes he will explain everything.

Jesus said, “I who speak to you am he.”

***

Jesus is the Messiah? I thought he was just someone who made fish and wine.

***

The woman left her water jar right there and ran back to town to tell everybody about Jesus. Many believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, but after they’d talked Jesus into staying two days with them many believed because of Jesus’ words.

***

Hey person, Jesus words are good, but do you think he’ll throw in some fish with that living water?

13 Comments

Posted by Bongo on February 3, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Christianity, dogs, faith, Jesus, Messiah, Pets, Samaria, Samaritan woman at the well

Shadows and Squishy Mud

02 Feb

Something strange is happening on my trails today. Some things just don’t go together.

One of those things is shadows. Shadows show up when the sun is out. We have a lot of sunny days here so I’m used to seeing shadows.

The other thing is squishy mud. We don’t have squishy mud as often as we have shadows. It either has to rain a lot, or snow enough to turn everything good and white – and then melt.

These two things don’t show up on my trails at the same time. If we have shadows it’s not raining and right now there’s no snow anywhere in sight.

But they’re here. Both of them. I think I’d better investigate.

Hmmm. This is interesting. A lot of people walked on my trails when I wasn’t around. Maybe I’d better hang out more often. I’m missing out on a lot of loves.

And what’s this? It looks like it was made by one of those bike things. I guess somebody forgot to leave it at that rack thingy. The one I use as a message post. I could have left a really good message on that bike.

This is not good. Some other dog leaving marks in my squishy mud. Next thing you know, that dog will be thinking these are his trails.

I’d better make this investigation official. I’m off to get my official hat. No dog would try to cross Detective Dog.

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24 Comments

Posted by Bongo on February 2, 2013 in Bongo, dogs, humor

Tags: Mountain biking, Mud, Pets, shadows, sun, Trail

Backyard Entertainment

01 Feb

I know it’s the middle of winter, but today was so nice that my person decided to hang out in the backyard for awhile. Something about the ground being moist and there were a few weeds left that she’d never gotten around to pulling.

I hope she’s not going to pull up all my tasty backyard treats.

My person tried to sneak out in the yard without me, but I would have none of that. She wasn’t going out that door unless I went out with her. Person, I promise I won’t jump the fence this time – really.

Since I’d made my promise I had to find something else fun to do. It didn’t take me long. Off in the corner of the yard lay an old ball.

But balls are only fun when they’re being tossed, and my person was acting too busy to play catch.

But I learned something a long time ago. Put the ball in the bag with the weeds and my person throws it back out.

Never mind the ball, person. I’m being barked at again.

Hey person, you need a faster camera to keep up with me.

Now where is that guy? I think I scared him away.

Guess I’ll go back to what I was doing.

Hey, I think my ball got buried.

24 Comments

Posted by Bongo on February 1, 2013 in Bongo, dogs, humor

Tags: backyard, ball, fence, Garden, Pets, weeds

Draining Away

31 Jan

This is serious! Really serious! I don’t even have time to go home and get my Detective Dog hat. I’ve got to solve this mystery and do something about it immediately.

Do you see it? Do you see what’s happening? There’s a stream of water leaving my puddle and if I don’t stop it, that stream is going to take my whole puddle with it. Just when my puddle finally showed up again, it’s going to leave if I don’t do something quickly.

I bet that stream is caused by the hole those boys made when they dug the dirt out of here. What can I do about it? Most of the dirt is missing now. It washed away when we had all that rain.

Wait a minute. What’s this? There’s water coming into my puddle. Where did this come from? I’d better check it out.

Look at this! This water is going to fill my puddle up more. If this keeps up I’m going to have a swimming hole here.

What, person? What are you saying?

No way person. We can’t leave yet. I’ve got to wait for my swimming hole to fill up.

29 Comments

Posted by Bongo on January 31, 2013 in Bongo, dogs, humor

Tags: Pets, Puddle, Trail, Water

Doing My Job

30 Jan

What do you mean, I’m not doing my job?

I work hard at my job. I’m passionate about my job. You’ve told me it’s one of the reasons people have dogs and I believe you.

So how can you say I’m not doing it?

I not only do my job, I actually create work for myself because I love doing it so much.

When you haven’t spilled anything on the floor I put things there myself so I have something to clean. Like the cat food.

See how hard I work?

You know I do it. I’m right under your feet when you’re at the kitchen counter making sure you don’t step on a single spilled crumb.

And once I’ve cleaned the floor I even go over it a second time. Just to make sure I didn’t miss anything.

I don’t see how you can possibly find any fault with my work performance.

Oh that. Surely you jest.

I don’t do olives.

47 Comments

Posted by Bongo on January 30, 2013 in Bongo, dogs, humor

Tags: Cat food, floor, olives, Pets, spills

Not the Trails

29 Jan

Are you crazy, person? I’m not taking you on my trails today. There’s thunder out there. And besides, it’s snowing and blowing and I only like snow when it’s on the ground and I can play in it.

Look, there’s no snow on the ground. What good is it if it’s not on the ground? Let’s go back in the house.

Okay fine. We don’t have to go back in the house yet, but I’m not taking you on those trails. We can walk around the block. Come on person. This way.

Besides, maybe some of my trail friend dogs will be around here. I know no self-respecting dog will be out on the trails right now.

***

This house is what? Who lives here? Kaiser? You told me you talked to one of Kaiser’s people and you’re going to let me meet him. You never let us get together when we see him on my trails. So what about it, huh?

***

What do you mean, we’re going home now. I had to give Kaiser what for – let him know who’s boss. Now we can be friends next time we meet.

But I’m not ready to go home yet. Kaiser’s cat comes into my yard sometimes. I’ve got to make sure he stays over here.

Person! Let go of my leash!

This is embarrassing. I couldn’t even go after a cat.

Where do you think you’re going, person?

We are still not going on those trails.

I’m taking you home.

30 Comments

Posted by Bongo on January 29, 2013 in Bongo, dogs, humor

Tags: Kaiser, Pets, snow, Thunder, Trail

Into the Clouds

28 Jan

We’re going up where, person? To the top of Sugarloaf? But person, we hardly ever go up there and it looks like it’s starting to disappear. What happens to us if we’re up there and it disappears?

I’m not going up there.

You see this? There’s water here. There’s never water on my trails except sometimes when my puddle shows up.

You go and disappear on Sugarloaf. I’ll be up a creek if you want to find me.

Wait a minute. I said I was going up this creek. Where are you taking me? We never go this way.

See person, you shouldn’t have gone this way. If that cactus hadn’t been there to stop you, you would have slipped all the way down the hill in that squishy mud. You didn’t get any pricklers did you?

Do you think you can pick those pricklers out at home?

I’m feeling all washed up.

What!? We’ve got to keep going?

***

Okay, I think I’m in the clouds now.

Can you see me?

You mean I haven’t disappeared yet?

Good, because I’m ready to go.

What do you mean, this isn’t the right way to go?

***

Hey, look at my puddle! Why didn’t we just come here? I’ve never seen it this deep before. Do you think the deepness has something to do with those boys who dug the dirt out of it?

Hey person, stop taking pictures of me when I’m exploring.

You can take pictures of this instead.

That’s not fair. You didn’t take any pictures while I was jumping on you. You’re all muddy now, you know.

I thought this was a dry wash.

Hey person, I bet you can wash all that mud off yourself here.

Click here to find more mischievous pets.

24 Comments

Posted by Bongo on January 28, 2013 in Bongo, dogs, humor

Tags: clouds, Pets, Photography, Puddle, Rain, Sedona, Sedona Arizona, Sugarloaf, Trail, Water

The First Miracle

27 Jan

Jesus making wine from water in The Marriage at Cana, a 14th-century fresco from the Visoki Dečani monastery (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey person, that’s pretty cool that Jesus said, “Follow me” and people followed him. I’ve been trying that all week and I can’t get anyone to follow me. Well, except you that is. Because I hook you to my leash and make you follow me.

I guess Jesus was pretty special. So after he got all those disciples to follow him, what did he do with them?

He took them to a party? No way! I knew there was a reason I wanted to follow Jesus.

Yes, I’ll for sure listen, person. I want to hear about this party.

***

Jesus’ mother was at a wedding in Cana of Galilee and both Jesus and his disciples were invited.

***

If I had been following Jesus back then I could have gone to the party too.

I am listening.

***

While Jesus was at the wedding they ran out of wine.

***

That’s not so bad. I just drink water. They could do that too.

Oh. It was really embarrassing in those days to run out of wine at a wedding? So what did they do?

Jesus mother told Jesus they were out of wine? Why did she do that?

Yes, I’m listening.

***

Jesus told his mother his hour had not yet come, but he did what she wanted anyway.

His mother said to the servants, “Whatever he says to you, do it.”

There were six stone water pots that each contained twenty or thirty gallons. Jesus told the servants to fill them with water and the servants filled them to the brim.

Then Jesus told them to draw some out and take it to the master of the feast.

The master of the feast tasted it and called the bridegroom. He said to the bridegroom, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.”

This was Jesus’ first miraculous sign and because of it his disciples believed in him.

***

Hey person, do you think maybe next time Jesus could turn the water into fish juice instead? I think I drank too much of that special water. I’m feeling kind of tipsy.

19 Comments

Posted by Bongo on January 27, 2013 in Bongo, Dogology, humor

Tags: Bible, Cana, Christianity, dogs, faith, Galilee, Jesus, Pets, Water, Wine

View from the Window

26 Jan

Person, come here quick!

I know I’m not supposed to be on the couch, but you’ve got to see this.

Somebody’s boarding up my friend Toby’s house.

He’s going to be stuck inside. Or outside. Whatever it is, he won’t be able to go in and out if we let them finish. We’ve got to do something!

What do you mean I can’t go over to Toby’s house right now?

Come on, person. We’ve both got to go. We’ve got to warn Toby and his people that their house is being boarded up.

What if Toby gets stuck inside and he can’t come out and play with me anymore? That would be terrible!

Look! They’ve got that one part of the house all boarded up now. And they’re starting on the rest of the house. The part where the door is.

I’ve got to go over there and warn Toby.

Person, if you don’t let me go I’ve got to bark at him.

I hope he hears me.

Toby, get out of your house quick!

You can come over and play with me. Then when they finish boarding your house up we’ll go over and dig a hole through the door so you can get back in.

Woof woof!

Okay person. I’m getting off the couch now.

I sure hope Toby heard me.

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29 Comments

Posted by Bongo on January 26, 2013 in Bongo, dogs, humor

Tags: construction, house, Pets, siding, Toby